TDS JWH ruined Cannabis enjoyment and life in general

[JammyH]

Hi all. I have had a unique experience with drugs that doesn't seem to be replicated anywhere else so I'd be interested in opinions.

So I took SSRIs (Zoloft, prescribed) at a fairly high dosage for 1 year between 2012-2013 for depression and anxiety. It helped. About half way through I found Cannabis for the first time. My first joint was the best night of my life, I remember letting out the longest "Wooooooooooahhh" as a layer of colour and sharpness enveloped the world. I started using very high grade stuff pretty heavily for about 2 months at about 1/2 oz per week. Undeniably some of the best times of my life, total and utter bliss, wonder, creativity, clarity, waves of relaxing euphoria and feeling like flying through space and just pure beauty. I took a break and then went back to using, but eventually decided I needed to cut down and turned to the pure powder form of JWH-018 as a substitute thinking that was a good idea.

I took it for two weeks, and enjoyed it somewhat, though I felt a little more uneasy each time and had this strange repeated experience where my body looked inanimate (later discovered to be 'depersonalisation'). I eventually overdosed after pouring the whole bag into the pipe, foolishly. Long story short; worst night of my life. I couldn't bare to take any more drugs and immediately ceased my SSRI, which prolonged the terror and lack of sense of self. The feelings of depersonalisation became chronic and my anxiety/depression prior to going onto Zoloft slowly returned. That was 7 months ago. I'm now still in a state of 24/7 chronic depersonalisation and the world looks unendingly bleak and 2d. Cannabis is also now terrible. Any more than literally just a few tiny specks causes vomiting and sweating, my body going into 'flush JWH out' mode. Even small amounts I'm obsessing over how anxious I feel, even if I don't really. Tolerance is 1/100th of before and enjoyability is next to nil. But I still do it every now and then in pursuit of how it used to feel.

My priority right now is just to get back to normal but I loved Cannabis enough to want it to be a part of my recreational life, I'm just concerned that I can never enjoy it again due to being no longer on SSRI (when I enjoyed it) and/or due to the JWH overdose permanently obliterating my ability to enjoy drugs. I'd be interested on thoughts as to which it might be (or both?)

 

[herbavore]

The most important thing is to get healthy. I would worry less about when you can enjoy pot and more about getting on an even keel physically and emotionally. You have your whole life ahead of you and plenty of years left to decide whether you want to try weed again in the future. Have you tried fish oil supplements? They are pretty unbelievable for brain function and good health overall. Chia and flax seeds can be added into just about anything and those are good too. I think you just need some more time but with a focus on good health. Start with all the basics--sleep, exercise and a really good diet as well as some practical form of therapy like CBT or mindfulness and see how you feel after a couple of months.

 

[Allein]

^^ This

FWIW I tried this substance a few years ago, I used to smoke cannibis but gave up 13 years ago when I gave up tobacco.
I found it had a very high potential to trigger panic, it's just to easy to get far to much if it into you at one time.

I gave up a 15 year daily cannabis habit and honestly think the only thing I genuinely miss today is the tobacco I mixed in. Like Herbavore says put the thoughts of cannabis to one side, it's not like you've never tried the stuff, concentrate on getting well. It's not always a great idea to be throwing other active chemical into your system at times like this.

I hope things settle down soon

 

[JammyH1]

Thanks for the advice guys. Wanting to enjoy pot as a priority was not good so I've changed that since then. I'm in a different place since those just a few weeks ago!

I found mindfulness recently and I can see the benefits greatly, it's like streamlining the mind. I'm pursuing it as often as I can.

I do therapy as well. I also found out that some psychedelics under controlled conditions can prompt a more immediate therapeutic effect for psychological problems that don't seem to be solved by anything else. I'm far from trying this but it is interesting. I just have a feeling that although I will be able to cope with my state well with mindfulness, my brain needs a full MOT kick-start to really reawaken my self and soul. I do worry though as I had a psychotic episode when I overdosed on JWH and I wouldn't want to spiral back into that.

Just thoughts though.

Reality is still very 2d and I feel like my soul and ego are detached from my physical being for now. I'm concerned as to what ceasing SSRIs and overdosing on JWH at the same time did to me. But I don't think I will get to an understanding of that through conventional or medical means. It will be an internal exploration I think. But how on earth do you re-experience a trauma that has no context whatsoever? It was just drug induced! I guess that makes it even worse as we can make no sense of it or attain a contextual understanding to overcome.

 

[Carl Landrover]

For someone who had just started smoking, going through a half ounce a week is a lot of weed. Even moreso if it is really high grade (sort of hard to tell high grade drugs from low grade without a decent amount of experience). That's a lot as in that seems like an unhealthy amount. I'm sorry you're having problems now. I don't really know much about JWH or if it had any effect with the SSRI, but if you are able to enjoy marijuana again I would look into either a vaporizer or look into trying to keep your use down.

 

[verso]

Hey Carl

Tried sending you a PM but your inbox is full. Glad to see that you're still around. Was going to call you today but I wasn't sure where you were at. If you get a second, can you shoot me a text or PM? I wanted to ask you a quick question.