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Juxtaposition

onlysweetpea

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2001
Messages
708
Location
San Francisco, CA
The flurry of activity inside Cafe Abir tonight is 8 times livelier than a Tuesday night at Zeitgeist. Last Tuesday... Nina Simone’s ‘Sinnerman’, a pint of Stella and a smoker’s cough was all I owned. Wielding a wild pen, a sharp sardonic tongue, one eye raised…

You were looking at me.

And then you looked down and scribbled something in a book.

Hey! I wanted to say. That’s what I do!

Sometime between June and the Now, you’ve stolen my shtick, my gimmick, the one thing that keeps me mildly interesting.

I write like I’m taking notes on the moment. Mapping out where I am, like I’m recreating my exact experience. Most of it comes out much like an internal grocery list. Must remember to buy milk and water the plants. Shit like that. But no one’s got to know.

Since when did you write in a notebook? I’ve seen you furiously type political essays to post on various websites, your fingers tapping faster that anything I’ve ever seen. You were always so mad about something. Except when you were stoned. Then you were just horny. Your long fingers that poured forth via keyboard soapbox Chomsky-esque rantings, that struck bar chords on your guitar, those fingers would reach up my neck, through the hair on the base of my skull, curl and close round and tug lightly. Like I knew it, I’d tilt my head back and you’d move in for the kill. You’d kiss me open mouthed in lit movie theaters before the previews, in alleys near the bar, in the back of the bus.

That was your shtick, your gimmick, the one thing that kept you mildly interesting.

You kiss like you’re taking notes on the moment, like you're mapping out exactly where you’d like to go later, when we were home…or at least in my stairwell.

But I guess I shouldn’t complain. While you’ve decided to take to writing in dark, dank Mission bars, I guess I’ve taken to slithering close to my lovers sides and silently, all stealth and precision, I’d reach my hand up, wrap my fingers around the napes of their necks and steal my way to paradise like a cocky, smug son of a bitch, taking without asking.

For a brief moment, I know how it feels to be a man. And I can only assume, you now know, what it is like to be me.

I can’t tell if you’ve liked it so far. Being alone, chronicling your thoughts. It’s a lot harder, isn’t it? Facing yourself. It’s a lot harder than spouting out diatribes about the government, the environment, the universe outside of you, isn’t it? And you can probably see it in my face too. For I’ve learned it’s a lot harder to make the first move and wear the pants in each torrid affair.

My dearheart, we’re both rather weary these days, aren’t we?
 
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I thought it was really good, except the last 3 sentences. Those kind of lost me. Probably some inherent difference in our backgrounds that make me unable to recognize what the point of those was.

~psychoblast~
 
^^ I guess those were just more explanation/over explanation of the whole strange thing.

I spotted my ex at the opposite end of the bar and I ended up writing this about it. Since our demise in June, we've both taken one attribute from each other and incorporated it into our lives, not purposefully, maybe simply accidently?

I became more sexually aggressive. He became more introspective and started writing.

Who knows if these things have enhanced our lives in anyway. I just know that when we ended up talking that night, we both seemed really tired of some of the current bullshit we'd both been struggling with.
 
i think it is very well written.
i like the way you have described the mechanics of relationships... and in a way, the learning process of love. i think there's more in this piece than first meets the eye.
up untill the end of line 25 [quote: taking without asking.] it's exceptionally entertaining. it falls away a little for me as you start to get more... esoteric? i liked the impact of more tangible but ambiguous observations and parallels you were making.
 
.dR spgeddi said:
up untill the end of line 25 [quote: taking without asking.] it's exceptionally entertaining. it falls away a little for me as you start to get more... esoteric? i liked the impact of more tangible but ambiguous observations and parallels you were making.

any suggestions on cleaning up the last part of the piece? let me know. thanks for the feedback. :)
 
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