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Just woke up from the most vivid and horrible opiate dream I've ever experienced

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EphemeralOutlet141

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Just woke up from the most vivid opiate dream I've ever experienced (EDITED)

(I don't consider it bad anymore, I've made good progress in distinguishing the symbols, I explain it in a post below)

Okay, first off, I consider it an unsettling, borderline bad dream. It wasn't bad in the sense that it was scary and disturbing. Some of you may laugh when you figure out what it's actually about. It's just that I've never experienced a dream that has moved me so immensely. I've never felt something quite like it.

It was a long dream, it felt like a whole day had passed inside of it. I remember parts of it in such detail, but some of it is lost to me. I feel as though words can't do this experience justice. Normally I can tell when I'm dreaming, but this felt like 100% real life.

Okay, it started out with me and this girl that I've been romancing for a little while now. We've been on and off for a while, mostly my fault. I've been kind of a dick to her. In the dream, we were hanging out in my backyard. I don't exactly remember what we were doing, but I noticed that I never spoke a word through the entire thing.

All of the sudden, two other guys cross into my backyard. They were pretty good-looking, both had a lot of tattoos and resembled models that you would see on tumblr or something. This obviously stemming from my love of tattoos. Of course this being a dream, I didn't question who they were or why they were in my yard. They were fake nice and arrogant to me, but one took a liking to my girl. It felt like we had been hanging out for hours and gradually my girl was leaning further and further towards this random tattoo guy.

The other one was distracting me, he only seemed to talk to me in weird taunts and cryptic messages. I felt like he was speaking to me directly. Everything had an odd fantasy-like glow to it, my love interest looked like a goddess and these dudes had an ominous red aura to them. For some reason we were all missing clothes except for undergarments.

The girl and the guy stealing her were both frolicking through my yard, like something from a movie. I remember looking on in disgust and defeat. I began fighting with the guy talking to me. He was just taking my hits and laughing. I looked away briefly and he was gone. One of the weirdest part of this was when I went and brought her back her dress, and she told me to put it on. I looked on in confusion and she gave me a look as if saying "forget it". When I was talking to her I was on my knees and she looked surreal, standing with her back to the sun and her hair blowing. She went back to the other guy, and I opened my back door and went inside. I remember the emotions that hit me as I walked through the door, I experienced pain and rejection that I haven't even felt from real relationships. In a brief moment I contemplated suicide.

What really strikes me as odd, is that like I said, real life relationships have not even inspired these feelings before. I handle rejection quite well. I experienced such intense sadness from this that it physically hurt me. That's the part I find scary. The dream ended with me laying in my bed, as soon as my dream self's head hit the pillow I awoke in real life.

This dream wasn't a product of a nod, the drugs had actually almost completely worn off. Also, I had just recently quit smoking weed. That must contribute to how vivid it was. I'm absolutely mind fucked right now. I feel as though my mind is trying to tell me something, that I should be more compassionate and treat people (or at least this girl) differently before they are gone. Thoughts?
 
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That was actually very entertaining.

I've been remembering my dreams in great detail when I wake up for a while now. Sometimes I get sick of the recurring themes that appears to be played out again and again. From what I can gather your dreams are scenarios played out in some sort of subjective energy-world of your own creation. Although it feels completely real when it's going on, so in that sense it's no different to real life, just shorter.

I don't really want to go into all the details of it and whether you leave your body in an astral body or something like that, there are many ways to see it. The main thing is their purpose seems to be to put you through some kind of valuable experience that can help you develop or just become more psychologically balanced.

It seems like most of the time it's your subconscious fears being played out but they can also be wish-fulfilling. So chances are this dream just played on your primitive fear of experiencing a situation like that. Seems not as much fear of losing the girl as fear of humiliation in front of other men.

Or men seem to spend their lives torn between the two poles of pleasing women and pleasing other men. You can never really win, and both are important for obvious reasons. You want to keep your wife or family, but at the same time it's hard for your pride and puts you at risk when you slide down in the male hierarchy.
 
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Damn, that's a lot to think about. Everything you said is definitely making sense to me, especially the humiliation part. Would explain why I had two enemies and not one.

Albeit a little unsettling, it was an interesting experience. It definitely has me thinking about a lot of things. I almost want to drink some more PST to see where my mind puts me next.
 
An interesting exercise to do with dreams is to interpret every single character as some aspect of you. Would be a trip with this dream!;)
 
I had the most intense waking dreams ever while I was on hydromorphone and dilaudid in the hospital, mostly merged with my experiences of intense pain. I would wake up with pain demons whirling all around me, cackling and taunting me, while other light forms of relief were trying to get through. When I hit the button to inject more morphine, the light would become bigger and brighter until the demons were all dissolved. This only happened a few times but man it was incredibly intense.

Opiates really fuck with you.
 
^I think in non-tolerant or non-addicts they really can stimulate imagination and dream-life. I haven't been addicted for several years, but am pretty much permanently tolerant and get none of these more uplifting effects. I actually get nothing great from opiates, though I sort of can't help but take them every few weeks. :| It does frustrate me.

But I remember having oddly disconcerting sexual dreams in my early dalliances with codeine particularly. Chasing or following these beautiful supermodels through a kind of museum with zoo-exhibits and a built in train station followed by incredibly abstract sex with these girls whose heads appearing to rotate. Genitals appearing to be made up of small, coloured spheres. Highly amusing upon reflection, but extremely compelling during.

I think you can awake with a sort of euphoria after a really intense dream. I can recall the first lucid dream I had, the first, relatively brief moment of becoming aware- I remember that I was outside in some kind of bush setting, big gum trees around me, black dots crawling everywhere and I thought to myself that I'd finally come 'online'. For a brief moment, everything was perfect and under my control :). I woke up and was wide awake and really fucking elated. When it happens now, I'm more able to maintain my composure but always feel rejuvenated when I awake.
 
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Sometimes I think my dreams are predictions, nearly this exact thing happened. At least the part about me chasing this girl and losing her O.o Fucked up.
 
Maybe they're all parts of you. You would lose a girl, you'd run off with another one, you would steal a guy's girl and make fun of one who lost a girl like that. So who do you have more sympathy for?
 
Ninae said:
Maybe they're all parts of you. You would lose a girl, you'd run off with another one, you would steal a guy's girl and make fun of one who lost a girl like that. So who do you have more sympathy for?
Click to expand...

You might be on to something. I've definitely been in each of those roles before. Maybe since I've been focusing so much on this relationship, those feelings and situations have been brought to the forefront of my subconscious.

I'd love to hear more of your theories on this Ninae, I'm very interested. I really want to understand this, I feel as though it is imperative that I do simply because of how powerful of an experience it was.

EDIT: My curiosity led me to look up common symbolism in dreams. Some things I found and made sense of:

Silence: Me being silent suggested that I'm unable to express my feelings or simply couldn't find the right words to use. Makes some sense, I've been conflicted on how I should've expressed my affection.

Loss/leaving: This girl leaving me suggests that a sense of rejection and inability to connect or keep up. Also that I've been questioning my own abilities to keep someone and not utilizing my full potential. I find this pretty accurate now that I look back on all of this.

The purple dress: This is the one that really has me thinking. Purple, more importantly the dress, could symbolize devotion to someone you care for. In the dream, I try handing her a purple dress and she states that I should wear it and not her. Maybe this meant that I needed to devote more attention to my own life and not someone else's? Then I dropped it between us. Perhaps that I was too late to offer it?

A sarcastic enemy that I can't harm suggests shortcomings that I can't seem to get around, or that I'm unsure of how to deal with something.

The tattoo symbolism of the two guys is also very interesting, it suggests a problem that needs to be addressed. I can't seem to figure out what the guy stealing the girl from me represents though. I hardly interacted with him in the dream. Perhaps it is more literal than the rest of the aspects of my dream.

The fact that this all took place in my backyard is perhaps the most important symbol of all. Think of the phrase "not in my backyard", it suggests that I was in denial of a certain issue and didn't think it would happen to me.

Thought provoking indeed, if that symbolism info is actually accurate. My dream must be trying to tell me that I need to work on myself and my emotions before I try to make an emotional connection with another person. In a way I already knew this, albeit that I thought I had made good progress and solved this already. I also knew that I had wronged this girl emotionally, but I had no idea of the extent. The fact that my subconscious painted me such a vivid representation is mind blowing, I guess I'm trying to tell myself that I need to be single for a while and try to work on being more attentive to the feelings of others.

The mind is a mysterious thing.
 
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Maybe try and use it to learn more empathy and to understand things from all perspectives. Also try not being so sensitive to male hierarchy type things and realise you don't have to live upto the roles that are expected of you and play all the silly games.

Sometimes you can just choose not to. I don't feel obliged to always live upto social expectations or want to submit to it. Just try to be more free from it, and it won't have so much power over you, or when they see you don't care they won't bother you so much.

Social oppression can be pretty horrible for both males and females.
 
So this lady is your Desire, these men are obstacles to Desire and how you interpret them is how you relate to them in the form of Self, or how you differ in relation to the Self. Both of those forms are competing for the Desire to make whole which being sad in rejection may mean you are rejecting parts of your Self (knowingly or unknowingly) that keep you from being made whole. Disgust and defeat is the same as being rejected by your own Desire to be made whole.

Or it was just an awesome dream where you get to frolick like the movies.
 
When you think about it, men are either trying to impress women or each other most of the time. It depends who they try to impress the most or can vary from man to man. Some just want to be loved by women, while others just want the approval of other men, and often this means different things.

The ego is also part of your male side or the masculine energies. So a man, or a woman who's more masculine (women can also be more masculine than men), will tend to give more time and energy to ego projection and competition in different ways.

That's okay, or just a part of life, but there are also other experiences to have and things to accomplish, and the most happiness seems to become available when you manage to let go of the ego. I think this is because you connect with our underlying oneness which brings about a sense of bliss. Powerful spiritual experiences seem to come when the ego is beaten, but it hates to give up like that, as that's how it's programmed.
 
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My ego is a pretty sore loser, it always seems to either consciously or more often unconsciously sabotage things in order to fulfill it's needs. It's something I need to work on.
 
Ninae said:
Maybe try and use it to learn more empathy and to understand things from all perspectives. Also try not being so sensitive to male hierarchy type things and realise you don't have to live upto the roles that are expected of you and play all the silly games.

Sometimes you can just choose not to. I don't feel obliged to always live upto social expectations or want to submit to it. Just try to be more free from it, and it won't have so much power over you, or when they see you don't care they won't bother you so much.

Social oppression can be pretty horrible for both males and females.
Click to expand...

Very good advice, really thought provoking. I too reject societal expectations, they only limit us.
 
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