Ozekat
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2009
- Messages
- 283
So I find myself back at SL after a long hiatus.
Basically I have moved out of state and joined with a lot of family that I haven't seen in a long time, the good side of my family for the most part non-using side. I went to rehab on may 22 and got out 29 days after. The rehab was AWESOME, definitely an experience I needed.
So, obviously my sobriety did not last long. I used Kratom once, felt guilty then moved and fell into smoking weed. It was TERRIBLE, was making me very paranoid and unable to leave the apartment. I do not know how/why/what but chalk it up to changes in my brain chemistry over the years, most assuredly from all the meth use, but thankfully I put the weed down and haven't even dreamed of touching it since.
Guys, I'm sick of going to into using. I had crippling anxiety and depression, but alas ordered some Kratom and it helped me tremendously I was able to get a job and motivated to go into work. But obviously, yet again the Kratom. Gave way to my alcoholic tendencies and I made the big push to relapse on crystal, my true DOC.
Basically, I don't know what I want I really enjoyed stone cold sobriety but that was in rehab, seems as soon as I got out back to reality I caved and just started using again to get by. Unfortunately my coworker was feeding me Adderall, and that obviously sent me back running for meth bc the Addie's weren't strong enough. Had to go a the way or go home.
Even though I have a lot of family up here I feel so alone, I know what I need to do and that is get help and probably anti-depressant anyways I just wanted to reach out to you people on blue light and SL bc I know you know how it is.....I've kind of missed you guys in a strange way , very fond of these boards here.
I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. I know using will lead nowhere but still feel compelled to keep pushing my luck.
Sorry for the long-winded post, I'm really all over the place and a mess lately .....just moved to a new place new state don't know shit it's so easy to just stay holed up and strictly use/go to work rinse and repeat.
Basically I have moved out of state and joined with a lot of family that I haven't seen in a long time, the good side of my family for the most part non-using side. I went to rehab on may 22 and got out 29 days after. The rehab was AWESOME, definitely an experience I needed.
So, obviously my sobriety did not last long. I used Kratom once, felt guilty then moved and fell into smoking weed. It was TERRIBLE, was making me very paranoid and unable to leave the apartment. I do not know how/why/what but chalk it up to changes in my brain chemistry over the years, most assuredly from all the meth use, but thankfully I put the weed down and haven't even dreamed of touching it since.
Guys, I'm sick of going to into using. I had crippling anxiety and depression, but alas ordered some Kratom and it helped me tremendously I was able to get a job and motivated to go into work. But obviously, yet again the Kratom. Gave way to my alcoholic tendencies and I made the big push to relapse on crystal, my true DOC.
Basically, I don't know what I want I really enjoyed stone cold sobriety but that was in rehab, seems as soon as I got out back to reality I caved and just started using again to get by. Unfortunately my coworker was feeding me Adderall, and that obviously sent me back running for meth bc the Addie's weren't strong enough. Had to go a the way or go home.
Even though I have a lot of family up here I feel so alone, I know what I need to do and that is get help and probably anti-depressant anyways I just wanted to reach out to you people on blue light and SL bc I know you know how it is.....I've kind of missed you guys in a strange way , very fond of these boards here.
I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. I know using will lead nowhere but still feel compelled to keep pushing my luck.
Sorry for the long-winded post, I'm really all over the place and a mess lately .....just moved to a new place new state don't know shit it's so easy to just stay holed up and strictly use/go to work rinse and repeat.