• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Just told my mother about MMT -- Did not go well.

OxycoDrone

OxycoDrone

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2012
Messages
125
So I finally broke it to my Mum that I had relapsed again and was finally biting the bullet and going on methadone. She did not take it well. Starting sobbing down the phone about how I was always going to be on drugs and had I tried this and that and that I should just move away (Nevermind that my whole life is here at the moment) and asked me "What do you DO with your life? Is it just this? Just DRUGS?" and I told her that it's not exactly a party and that I was pretty miserable being me and that I was actually the one who had to deal with it, she barely even sees me, and that MMT was all about becoming a normal person again and taking my life back but she just doesn't understand. I'm hoping once the shock wears off she will see that this is actually the most positive step I've taken in a long time, but at the moment I'm really fucking pissed off.

She's a gambling addict, and I've been nothing but fucking supportive, and told her it's her decision what she does with her life. Which, for the record, is eat, sleep, work and go to the casino. That's literally it. And I don't have a problem with it, because it's HER LIFE. All I wanted was a bit of support, as I'm going through hell right now, but oh no, it's so fucking hard having a drug addict for a child. Would she rather I kept up this endless cycle of detox and relapse, and never have a normal life? I just want to be a regular person for fucks sake! So what if I take a trip to the chemist every day. Most people are dependent on some chemical or another, even if they don't recognise it.

TDS, I'm really fucking miserable right now. My partner is trying to help and it's nice to have someone there for me but I really didn't expect such a negative reaction from her. The worst part is, I'm SO much more informed than her about MMT, and drugs in general, and I know all of the pros and cons, risks and benefits and wouldn't be doing this if I hadn't exhausted all my other options. The MMT will stop me using, and not least of all because I believe it will. Just really hurts, acting like she's the victim here when I'm miserable every day and never ask her for anything except to give me a little support. Not money, nothing like that, just someone to rely and maybe talk to honestly when shit is really bad. Would it be better if I lied, and said everything was great, and then just one day she'll get a call saying I've killed myself? I bet that'd be soooo much better.

Sigh. Sorry for the rant. Maybe I shouldn't have picked Mother's Day. I mostly called her to tell her I'd moved house and that I had a present for her... Oh well. It's really great that I have you guys for support, along with my girlfriend and my other friend who got into oxy with me who is going on the program with me. Without you, and them, I'd be truly lost. Thanks so much.

Much love,
-OCD
 
At least you have a mother. One who loves you.
And you know you could move up to my area coz I cant find any heroin anywhere. I know u dont want to but its still an idea, just do what you think is best.
 
Why did you tell her? I generally keep such things to myself or with a small amount of people who understand because the vast majority of people will react emotionally and not have any understanding of what I go through. It's frustrating when family doesn't understand but i was in the same position and i found it to be unrealistic that they would ever understand. I keep my personal life far away from my family now and it works out much better.
 
I was hooked on oxycontin for two years, went to methadone and it was much harder to get off of methadone than oxycodone... the withdrawals were a lot worse. my solution was to move away from everything I knew where I couldn't find anything which was hard, the withdrawals were horrible but after a few weeks they were gone and here I am living alone near no one I know accept new friends ive made and i make damn sure to stay away from that shit now because i know im weak to it...
 
You just have to understand that there is no way that she can react to this the way you want. You're telling your mother that you relapsed on drugs, and from what I'm guessing it doesn't seem like she has much experience in the world of drug abuse besides what she sees from you. Maybe you should try explaining how it's like her gambling addiction, and relapsing isn't something you're actually proud of, but an impulse that you had trouble controlling. Give her some time for it and then maybe sit her down and explain what's going on. I feel for your mother because that's never something easy to cope with as a parent, I mean shit my parents went through hell to accept the fact that I smoke weed, I could only imagine if it was opiates. I just really hope that you can see TDS as a safe haven for somewhere that you can talk about your addiction, and that's why I love this place. It's a non-judgmental forum that just accepts all of its members, and I can tell you that YOU ARE SAFE HERE <3
 
Yeah I will be moving away in a few years or maybe less, but right now I have stuff I need to finish up here. I definitely see what you mean about not telling family -- my Mum is the only one I told because she's usually pretty understanding and not judgmental as she has her own addiction but she really broke down today .. I hope it was just the shock and she'll realise it was the right thing to do.

Thanks Libby, I appreciate that. Like I said, I'll be moving some day in the not-too-distant future but right now this is where I want/need to be. Never lived in Auckland but stayed there every summer for most of my childhood.

I'm going to bed now, it's 4:34am and I need to get up to score at 8am -- uuuugh. Gotta get to my mate before he goes to the chemist so I can buy his methadone. Night all, I'll reply to any new messages in the morning, thanks for being there for me <3
 
Thanks badfish, and yeah I really do feel safe here. It's nice to be able to reveal my deepest and darkest and no one bats an eyelid and just accepts me and tries to look after me -- wonderful feeling, as my real world life is the exact opposite.

I try to return the favour and help out anyone and everyone I can and use my experience to help others -- hence why I'm doing an addiction therapy diploma :)
 
As much as we want them to be, sometimes our family cannot be supportive of every dilemma we face. I was lucky--my mother was supportive of my recovery (which is why her passing has really floored me), yet my father sees my bipolar and substance abuse disorders as character flaws (straight from the horse's mouth) even though I am otherwise "accomplished." Therefore, as much I as would love my father's acceptance, I've learned to live without it and to look elsewhere for support and acceptance. For many years, that meant work which is also an addiction. A recent "breakdown" has taught me these things.

It may not always be this way with your mother, but for the meantime, I would continue with your admirable efforts to get clean and to keep your mother out of the loop until some time has passed. I know that there is no substitute for a mother's love, but you should be grateful for a supportive partner. Use this time to expand your circle of supportive, sober friends.
 
Well, opiates are true evil. I was addicted to roxy 30s for quite some time. With opiates, sometimes one needs to be on subs or methadone under doctors supervision for the rest of their life. It's better than illicitly using.
 
OxycoDrone said:
Thanks Missykins, that's great advice :)
Click to expand...

I just wanted to add that therapy is also very important when you're at such a vulnerable point and need support. You can't rely upon your partner for everything. It will become a strain upon your relationship. There also is the peer support you receive from 12 Step fellowships such as NA and AA.
 
Thanks, but I really don't think AA or NA is for me. At least not right now. I get really bad social anxiety and can hardly look strangers in the eye, let alone tell my most personal stories to them.

This board is my peer support, and luckily I've hit the jackpot as I really love all of you and it feels so wonderful to be accepted into a group of such awesome people.
 
In reality you cannot rely on anyone but yourself. Use them as help when it is offered but even with having great friends might come disappointment and a potential need to use. Hell I wouldn't even fully rely on my best friend for help with addiction. That's awesome that you have such a supportive network of people in your life though.
 
Oxycodrone, I am so sorry that you had to endure that reaction. Maybe at some point in your future you will be able to compare the similarities between what you struggle with and her addiction; for now, you will have to do what you are doing---get your support elsewhere. I am so glad that TDS is here and that people can come here and get support from all kinds of people, those that know addiction and those that don't. Remember that your mother is simply reacting out of fear. I am sorry for so many of the things that I said to my son during the course of his addiction. I know that he felt frustrated with me because, like you, he actually knew a lot about drugs and I knew nothing. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I did try to listen and learn while still sticking to what I saw from the outside. Eventually we worked out a level of respect. Addiction is very much a family disease as they say. Everyone affected has to educate themselves and examine their feelings, motivations and habits. I hope for your sake that your mother can begin to engage in that process, but it doesn't sound too hopeful as long as she is stuck in her own addiction and misery.
 
How about relating your MMT to her gambling?

Ready? "Mum, it's the same as if you had a safe place to gamble each day with fake money. This way you gt your fix for the day, but you don't run the risk of blowing all your money and hurting others. Are you still dependent on gambling? Yes, but you would be a lot better off doing it this way compared to real gambling, and hopefully when your life becomes more stable and manageable you can do away with any type of gambling."
 
OxycoDrone said:
Thanks, but I really don't think AA or NA is for me. At least not right now. I get really bad social anxiety and can hardly look strangers in the eye, let alone tell my most personal stories to them.

This board is my peer support, and luckily I've hit the jackpot as I really love all of you and it feels so wonderful to be accepted into a group of such awesome people.
Click to expand...

I'm not suggesting that you share if that makes you uncomfortable. Sometime just listening is powerful enough.

Well, once again, there are other sources of support such as individual therapy which is extremely important.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top