amnesiaseizure
Bluelighter
Hi to all here, I don't think I've ever started a post in here before but I could do with all the support I can get at the moment. Just started the subutex and am taking 12mg a day, seems to be working ok on the whole. Amazing thing is, I don't actually crave heroin anymore. I do crave getting high in one way or another but not heroin. Which is pretty handy. I did have a slip up a few days ago and went and smoked my way through 30 quids worth of crack but then had to take 210mg of temazapam to get myself down again. Once I worked out how much I took I couldn't believe it, seems a fuck load to me.
Anyway, as things stand, I'm living with my partner who's reducing with methadone at the moment and financially we're pretty fucked. Thinking seriously about moving somewhere cheaper which is a shame cause our present flat is lovely. Not feeling too bad today but my mental health has also plumetted so I'm also on 20mg of Citalopram - went up to 40mg a few days ago which made me feel horrendous so fucked the psych's advice and went down to 20mg again.
I qualified as a mental health nurse in feb this year and I just can;t see myself doing the job anymore. Being on an acute ward just makes me sad and frustrated with the attitude of the nurses and doctors and the lack of real care the patients receive, god help me if I ever end up in one of the local hospitals.
So now I have very little idea of what to do. I just want a simple job in a cafe or something I think where I'm around people who are generally upbeat and happy. I don't think I've got enough resources to give to others once I've used them on myself to just get up and get out. What a fucking waste of 3 years training hey?!
This is in the UK by the way so I'm signing on to the dole and trying to get some housing benefit but that'll take a while so in the meantime I'm gonna get out there and see if I can find a job to tide me over. Funny thing is, the last time I tried doing a nursing diploma I ended up heavily into the smack and had to leave the course as I was shooting up to a 1.5g a day. Never got that bad this time but the people I was mixing with and the situations I was getting into got worse very quickly. Had a bike accident a couple of weeks ago which I have no memory of, was unconcious for about 5 hours and am still slightly concussed.
Add to that the fact that my girlfriend recently lost her nana (very close bond between them) and has just found out her dad has prostate cancer. Life's great at times ain't it!! We're just really struggling as she doesn't feel she can grieve with the emphasis being on me at the moment- she had to watch me go through an MRI scan and X-ray while I was out cold - the whole accident was more traumatic for her than me for sure, I remember fuck all apart from nodding in and out.
But I've really clearly said to her that it's fine to talk about her nana and her worries around her dad, I don't want it to be all about me. It's scary cause I can see this ongoing shit just splitting us up (we've been together for nearly 7 years).
Don't know if I'm looking for answers but I just needed to get it out somewhere and BL has always done me pretty good.
Hope everyone reading this is coping in whatever way they can and it'd be nice to hear back from a few of you.
Much love.
Anyway, as things stand, I'm living with my partner who's reducing with methadone at the moment and financially we're pretty fucked. Thinking seriously about moving somewhere cheaper which is a shame cause our present flat is lovely. Not feeling too bad today but my mental health has also plumetted so I'm also on 20mg of Citalopram - went up to 40mg a few days ago which made me feel horrendous so fucked the psych's advice and went down to 20mg again.
I qualified as a mental health nurse in feb this year and I just can;t see myself doing the job anymore. Being on an acute ward just makes me sad and frustrated with the attitude of the nurses and doctors and the lack of real care the patients receive, god help me if I ever end up in one of the local hospitals.
So now I have very little idea of what to do. I just want a simple job in a cafe or something I think where I'm around people who are generally upbeat and happy. I don't think I've got enough resources to give to others once I've used them on myself to just get up and get out. What a fucking waste of 3 years training hey?!
This is in the UK by the way so I'm signing on to the dole and trying to get some housing benefit but that'll take a while so in the meantime I'm gonna get out there and see if I can find a job to tide me over. Funny thing is, the last time I tried doing a nursing diploma I ended up heavily into the smack and had to leave the course as I was shooting up to a 1.5g a day. Never got that bad this time but the people I was mixing with and the situations I was getting into got worse very quickly. Had a bike accident a couple of weeks ago which I have no memory of, was unconcious for about 5 hours and am still slightly concussed.
Add to that the fact that my girlfriend recently lost her nana (very close bond between them) and has just found out her dad has prostate cancer. Life's great at times ain't it!! We're just really struggling as she doesn't feel she can grieve with the emphasis being on me at the moment- she had to watch me go through an MRI scan and X-ray while I was out cold - the whole accident was more traumatic for her than me for sure, I remember fuck all apart from nodding in and out.
But I've really clearly said to her that it's fine to talk about her nana and her worries around her dad, I don't want it to be all about me. It's scary cause I can see this ongoing shit just splitting us up (we've been together for nearly 7 years).
Don't know if I'm looking for answers but I just needed to get it out somewhere and BL has always done me pretty good.
Hope everyone reading this is coping in whatever way they can and it'd be nice to hear back from a few of you.
Much love.
