just self harmed..

[citizen cained]

ok so i just had an argument with my GF over facebook, it wasn't anything major as such, she just insulted my intelligence as I got some grammar wrong and she called me stupid and I found this hurtful and told her etc this grew into an argument over other things and we argued and she went offline.

Now I immediately hated myself and felt so frustrated that i couldn't get my point across on FB I wanted to hit something, i felt so angry, so frustrated and I couldn't take my anger out on anything as I live in shared accommodation so can't smash something or punch something and this made everything worse, then I started telling myself that i was a useless shit and that it was my fault for being so fucking stupid in the first place to start the argument.

I grabbed some scissors out of my drawer and started to dig the blade in my arm, it hurt like hell but felt that I deserved it and the anger was getting released and i started to feel less frustrated the harder i pressed and the more blood flowed i then stopped and got some tissue and cleaned it up and I am here currently pressing tissue on it to stop the bleeding, it's not bad and it won't kill me, should stop soon when i get a bandage or something, but the release i experienced was like an orgasm.

Now this is unlike me completely, I have always been slightly self hating but have never done anything like this and couldn't understand why people do it (now i can) I am not an addict or alcoholic, i seldom use drugs or drink, i am not on any meds for mental issues as I don't feel I have any.

I am not sure what happened but I don't want it to happen again, how can i "nip this in the bud" so to speak, I will already have one scar now, I don't want more.....

 

[herbavore]

I'm really sorry that you felt that bad and turned it on yourself. I think that the best thing that you can do is to concentrate on those feelings that led up to the cutting and try to get help for them. Immediately berating yourself for being stupid and turning all that rage inward is a dangerous place to be.Even if you did speak or act thoughtlessly (she probably did, too) that is no reason to default to that level of self-hatred. We all act our worst and our best with people close to us. Learning the art of apology is a great skill.

So, it seems like that is your starting point for where to put your energy. The fact that you found the cutting to provide such tangible relief is worrisome. Try to ask yourself whether this is a relationship that helps your self-esteem or hurts it. If the relationship itself is adding to your self-hatred then that is worth examining. If it is more what you do in your own head than anything your girlfriend does, then you've got to take care of that.

I would definitely think that this is a case where talk-therapy might be useful. Don't hide the fact that you did what you did but let the person know that you kind of surprised yourself. You were very articulate in your post and I'm sure that you could get somewhere with a therapist if you set your mind to it.

Much love and empathy.

 

[rangrz]

To minimize the scar, pull the wound closed and hold it closed with bandages, leaving a small opening in one end for draining to help prevent anaerobic bacterial infections. Use some polysporin or the like if you got it. If it seems infected or refuses to close seek medical attention!

How to nip it in the bud: Get a clear picture that cutting is not a solution to problems, it only makes problems worse, does it not? The fight still happened, but you have an open wound as well.

I'd suggest seeing a therapist of some type to try and address issues with anger control and feelings of lacking power.

 

[xxsicknessxx]

cutting releases natural opiates in your body (thus the feeling good)
understand that. Your numbing your self with drugs in the same way someone who pops pain pills.
Cutting is bad. I never understood cutting either until one day I did it. The next thing I knew I was in a mental hospital. Its a real big deal do what you got to buddy really. Seek help and just understand your numbing your real problems away with the pain. Its just like using drugs or drinking. Its not magic. Lots of people do it.
Work out the problems next time some how. I don't know you but just you gotta deal with shit bro.

 

[Subtext]

All the above advice is useful but something else to think about is during and just after an argument lots of adrenalin is released and your body has it's 'fight or flight' response. In that moment instead of cutting to relieve the tension go for an all out sprint or beat your bed/pillows senseless. Do something physical to get out of your own head instead of turning your frustration inwards.

Habits are hard to break so don't let this become one. As said above, if you are having trouble coping as many here have, myself included, get professional help.

 

[DJ 303]

that is a pity youve been through this man,
don't be too hard on yourself for it,
you didn't harm anyone else,
and there are millions of people doing way worse things to themselves and others as i type this message....

however...
this does need to be a learning experience,
and by the very fact that youve shared this with us,
shows that your already on the right path,
and i for one, salute you for that.

20 years ago,
i didn't have the fucking balls to share a similar experience as i thought people would either hate me or not give a shit,
so you got one up on me bruv.

This being said though,
you need to get this in perspective now,
or it could become a problem.

As an indvidual with a degree in behavioural psychology,
And a person who is proud to say they have fully recovered from mentall illness,
i can give you my advice,
but im not a shrink.
So if after this,
it happens again,
seek professional support,
you have everything to gain from this,
and nothing to lose!

for now, try to recognise the futility of this behavioural pattern,
not by beating yourslef up,
but by looking ahead.
whats done is done.
what have you achieved?
well, only making your suck, even suckier.
suck plus suck equals double suck bro!

so how to readress the balance??

sit down and visualise, focus and then write down,
at least 3 things that your are lucky to have,
3 things that make your life worth living,
3 things that are constant and true,
that give you the potential for a happy and rewarding life.
for example,
from what i can see,
you are intelligent,
caring,
you don't want to hurt others,
you are articulate,
you have two arms to hug with,
two legs to skip with,
two eyes to see beauty,
two ears to hear music,
one heart to love with,
one healthy bosy,
to house your healthy and incredible brain.
that grey mass of neurons and cells, dna and neurotransmitters,
that somehow, unfathomably unlikely and complex though it is,
have evolved and grown and function in such a way,
that you are conscious and aware of your living self!
you have the gift of life!
a truly wondrous gift indeed.

find a picture that you associate with an amazing time in your life,
study that photo for a while,
how did you feel at that time?
why were you so happy?
what is/was great about that day?
how was the weather?
who did you meet?
what did you eat that day?
what made you smile?
what made you laugh?

nobody can ever take that day away from you man!
you lived it! you lucky bastard!
spend some time reliving it in your mind.
wasn't that day fucking wicked?
and you know the best part?
tomorrow could be,
just maybe,
even better.

sort through your music.
find a track that you love,
one that puts a smile on your face everytime,
whether its silly,
or beautiful,
or peaceful,
or positive,
put it on in your headphones and crank it up!
theres plenty more where that came from.

look at your scar for a second,
that scar on your body,
that body in your room,
your house,
your street,
your city,
your country,
your planet,
your universe.
In this galaxy, in this solar system,
one of billions and billions of other solar systems,
on this unfathomably incredible rock spinning through space at 30o0 miles per hour,
at this moment in time,
this minute this hour this week this year,
you are alive,
60 billion years of evolution, of a random string of chaotic events,
that have all collaberated, by infinitessimally improbable chance,
to produce you,
your friends,
your beautiful world,
in which you a free and fortunate enough to experience this moment.
lets not waste it by arguing with people we love,
or stressing over a little spat on a social networking site,
that ultimately, isnt really a huge problem in the grand scheme of things,

we are genetic jackpot winners.

think about this next time your angry,
step back,
breathe,
put on that track,
look at that photo,
sing along,
go outside and skoip down the road,
no im serious, skip, skip all the way down your road and back.
yep you look like a right weirdo, but fuck it, its hilarious,
its impossible to be angry when your skipping.
that what i do when im angry.
its fucking impossible to stay angry when your skipping,
like literally impossible.
dont smash anything up.
or make anything worse than it already is by sticking a hole in your self.
that way of releasing your anger,
will actually make you more agressive over time,
fuck that.
lifes too short.
skip man.
things will always work out well again.
especially with positive thinking.
causing injury to oneself on purpose,
has never fixed anything,
that couldnt be fixed with a little perspective.
and on top of that.
it makes everything all red and messy and sticky.


chin up bro.
things will always work out.
peace, positivity and cheese sandwiches.

DJ

 

[OverDone]

I know its difficult but it seems that the catalyst to this was mis-communication between your girlfriend and yourself. Typed words versus actual talking to someone are so vastly different. Its easy to read more into what someone is typing than what they are actually trying to say. Conversely, its also difficult to really get your thoughts worded properly so that they aren't misinterpreted.

Can you and your girlfriend work towards actual phone conversations? Texting, email and social media seem to put a wall between ourselves and others. It may be best to reduce the size of those walls and actually talk to each other. This way you won't be stuck in your head and left with snowballing negative thinking. I'll bet that hearing her tone of voice and breathing during those common relationship spats will help you both grow together and develop deeper bonds

 

[Charleston_Car]

Sounds like you just had a moment and snapped, don't think too much of it. You just got overwhelmed by emotion induced by a shitty situation and decided to do something extreme. We all have moments like that, the important thing is that you don't make a habit out of it. If your mind ever twists that far again, don't do it on your arm, do it somewhere that's far from visible in an everyday situation. Your thigh, maybe. Or possibly don't break the skin, use blunt force or something. Reason being is that you don't want to attract unnecessary attention to yourself and gain the reputation of a self-harmer, cause that'll just fuck shit right up.