elvis_wears_nikes
Bluelighter
I would just like to say hello and introduce myself. I have been lurking for a while and have found blue light forum very helpful and interesting. It's great to see a non biased view on drugs and other pertinent issues. I have previously posted a few posts with my old handle 'iampetrelli' which I have now changed. I have personally experienced addiction and mental health problems where forum discussions have been incredibly valuable to me when I have been struggling.
I grew up in the U.K. and I started experimenting with drugs as an early teenager. Starting with alcohol, cannabis, shrooms, acid, MDMA then later on cocaine. At 17, I was introduced to crack and heroin. I guess my adventurous and intrigued self wanted to 'try everything once' and thought that I could control my use and 'it won't happen to me'. Luckily, I did managed to put down the harder drugs and got my lost self back on track and left to go to college.
As a teenager I had experienced depression and at times I believe I used drugs to self medicate. I had profound experiences especially on shrooms, MDMA and LSD which allowed me to explore my inner psyche and deepened my relationships with friends, partners and even family. I trained as a nurse and loved the vocation as I felt humbled being able to help others who were suffering. I took my profession very seriously and worked many hours rotating shifts.
In my mid twenties, I had been seldom using substances and when I did it was recreational and it did not interfer with work at the start. However, I started experiencing debilitating depression and attempted suicide on several occasions. I was fortunate not to suceed even though I was very close having a cardiac arrest in intensive care. In desperation, I had turned back to heroin which had been absent from my life for many years however I had not forgotten her...
At that point in my life things had begun to quickly deteriorate. From smoking I had turn to IV... I lost my job and apartment, I started using both crack and heroin - speed balling, my mental health was suffering... I was physically and psychologically addicted and a shadow of who I once was. I am not going to go into too much detail of the things I did but I am sure you can imagine my journey as it has been experienced by many others who have lived through addiction.
I moved back home but experienced a long period of drug use, withdrawal, relapse and so one. I started engaging with drug and alcohol services and was started on suboxone 16mg. My use had diminished but I continued the pattern of relapse where I would be clean for several weeks then I would stop taking my suboxone for a few days and I would relapse on opiates, crack cocaine and benzos. This continued for about one year... My tolerance to opiates was extremely high where I was using up to 3 grams of heroin a day. I had attempted to cold turkey many times and managed to stay clean for several weeks but I kept relapsing.
It wasn't until I was started on methadone and was on a substantial dose (100mg) that my use had finally stopped. I was also attending the groups at the service and had a lot of support insitu. Even though I had replaced one addiction for another 'legal' addiction my life had begun to improve drastically. Prior to this I had used benzos (mainly diazepam and alprazolam) occasionally and had never experience a dependancy to them. But my addict self had discovered that using benzos with the methadone greatly potentiated the effects and in short time I gained another addiction.
Alongside my methadone prescription I was started on diazepam as it has a long half life allowing it to be administered to me once daily. I had stopped using heroin, cocaine and had been stabilised on methadone and diazepam and had not used any other benzos. Recently, I was slowly titrated 1mg every two weeks from 10mg. Unfortunately, I had experienced the horrific withdrawal symptoms which had a major impact on my mental health. I had never experienced anxiety and depression as bad as I did coming off benzos and it lasted for several months. I had managed to slowly reduce my dose and become benzo free. It's only been recently that I have started to feel 'normal' again.
I have babbled on for quite a bit! I have shared my story and, as I have previously said, my journey is probably relatable to many others who have experienced the horrors of opiate and benzo addiction. I am currently stable on my methadone dose but I do not feel ready to start reducing my dose. I have not had issues with alcohol although I know myself and understand that I need to be cautious as I am an addict. I use cannabis recreationally and have never had any issues in terms of using it compulsively. I see the medicinal effects of cannabis and it has been extremely useful for my anxiety and has helped allievate the pain of withdrawals. I would like to be able to use benzodiazepines recreationally however I feel like I need more time to recover from my previous daily use and abuse. I still suffer from depression but at this point in my life things have be manageable.
This site has been extremely helpful to myself reading peoples experiences as well as support from others. And I hope I can help others from my experiences too. That's me. Just saying hello!
I grew up in the U.K. and I started experimenting with drugs as an early teenager. Starting with alcohol, cannabis, shrooms, acid, MDMA then later on cocaine. At 17, I was introduced to crack and heroin. I guess my adventurous and intrigued self wanted to 'try everything once' and thought that I could control my use and 'it won't happen to me'. Luckily, I did managed to put down the harder drugs and got my lost self back on track and left to go to college.
As a teenager I had experienced depression and at times I believe I used drugs to self medicate. I had profound experiences especially on shrooms, MDMA and LSD which allowed me to explore my inner psyche and deepened my relationships with friends, partners and even family. I trained as a nurse and loved the vocation as I felt humbled being able to help others who were suffering. I took my profession very seriously and worked many hours rotating shifts.
In my mid twenties, I had been seldom using substances and when I did it was recreational and it did not interfer with work at the start. However, I started experiencing debilitating depression and attempted suicide on several occasions. I was fortunate not to suceed even though I was very close having a cardiac arrest in intensive care. In desperation, I had turned back to heroin which had been absent from my life for many years however I had not forgotten her...
At that point in my life things had begun to quickly deteriorate. From smoking I had turn to IV... I lost my job and apartment, I started using both crack and heroin - speed balling, my mental health was suffering... I was physically and psychologically addicted and a shadow of who I once was. I am not going to go into too much detail of the things I did but I am sure you can imagine my journey as it has been experienced by many others who have lived through addiction.
I moved back home but experienced a long period of drug use, withdrawal, relapse and so one. I started engaging with drug and alcohol services and was started on suboxone 16mg. My use had diminished but I continued the pattern of relapse where I would be clean for several weeks then I would stop taking my suboxone for a few days and I would relapse on opiates, crack cocaine and benzos. This continued for about one year... My tolerance to opiates was extremely high where I was using up to 3 grams of heroin a day. I had attempted to cold turkey many times and managed to stay clean for several weeks but I kept relapsing.
It wasn't until I was started on methadone and was on a substantial dose (100mg) that my use had finally stopped. I was also attending the groups at the service and had a lot of support insitu. Even though I had replaced one addiction for another 'legal' addiction my life had begun to improve drastically. Prior to this I had used benzos (mainly diazepam and alprazolam) occasionally and had never experience a dependancy to them. But my addict self had discovered that using benzos with the methadone greatly potentiated the effects and in short time I gained another addiction.
Alongside my methadone prescription I was started on diazepam as it has a long half life allowing it to be administered to me once daily. I had stopped using heroin, cocaine and had been stabilised on methadone and diazepam and had not used any other benzos. Recently, I was slowly titrated 1mg every two weeks from 10mg. Unfortunately, I had experienced the horrific withdrawal symptoms which had a major impact on my mental health. I had never experienced anxiety and depression as bad as I did coming off benzos and it lasted for several months. I had managed to slowly reduce my dose and become benzo free. It's only been recently that I have started to feel 'normal' again.
I have babbled on for quite a bit! I have shared my story and, as I have previously said, my journey is probably relatable to many others who have experienced the horrors of opiate and benzo addiction. I am currently stable on my methadone dose but I do not feel ready to start reducing my dose. I have not had issues with alcohol although I know myself and understand that I need to be cautious as I am an addict. I use cannabis recreationally and have never had any issues in terms of using it compulsively. I see the medicinal effects of cannabis and it has been extremely useful for my anxiety and has helped allievate the pain of withdrawals. I would like to be able to use benzodiazepines recreationally however I feel like I need more time to recover from my previous daily use and abuse. I still suffer from depression but at this point in my life things have be manageable.
This site has been extremely helpful to myself reading peoples experiences as well as support from others. And I hope I can help others from my experiences too. That's me. Just saying hello!
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