Just Nothing

[E-girl]

You're just this thing now, that i walked away from
And i'm not going to look back,
Even when i hear some punk song
Or pass someone wearing your cologne.
It's all done and over and I can't let you be a lingering memory
Like everything else in my life that went terribly wrong.

You're just a pair of worn sneakers sitting under my bed
That i'll never wear again
And that i'll someday look at and say,
They used to fit me, but not anymore.
The way some things in my life fit...
Me in your arms, and certain words in a sentence
And a few scattered pictures in a box in my closet...

But that was yesterday,
And today the shards of glass i was using to cut my wrists
Are too dull to bother with,
And you're too much for me to bother with too.
I wasn't good enough back then,
When "some other girl" was,
And that's all she is now, but i'm past all that,
I wanted to be good enough then,
And right now everything is different
But you couldn't give me time....

And who am i to ask for it?
Let's just end this your way,
With a big fuck you to everything we've ever been through,
Cuz that's what it comes down to.
My friendship isn't worth a fucking dime,
Any more than it ever can be, or maybe ever was...

I'm just another pretty face tacked up on a wall you'll leave behind
Another gripe in your bitching about people always fuck you over...
And that's fine,
You won't be the first, and certainly not the last.
This girl has seen enough of them come and go and say,
It's all or nothing.
And that's what i end up being...

Just nothing.

 

[someone]

Im sorry you have to feel this way... I can relate and it's something you wish nobody else would ever have to feel...

 

[rewiiired]

I've been on both ends, as described in this poem. It's good to draw the line somewhere when a relationship of any nature isn't open and flowing mutually both ways; I've heard and been a part of (and read, and written) too many stories where one hangs on to someone long after the relationship is truly dead. Severing the tie that smothers can be painful for you, but perhaps the one on the other end might then eventually realize what you really mean, and how foolish s/he was to choose `nothing' in the relationship over `all'.

This poem conveys rising strength in the writer, and I enjoyed reading it. I like the idea of growing de-sensitized to the kind of masochism or self-torture one displays in clinging onto a relationship that consistently kills you emotionally -- almost like overcoming an addiction, or ceasing your habitual attempts at emotional suicide -- as revealed clearly in these lines:

But that was yesterday,
And today the shards of glass i was using to cut my wrists
Are too dull to bother with,
And you're too much for me to bother with too.

 

[E-girl]

i'm closing this, for my own reasons.