just need to hear that I'm Amazing- please.

[tocooperate]

ever feel like all you're really looking for is for someone to just recognize the Amazing, Talented , Loving person you KNOW you are?

I'm almost 30 and more addicted than ever, and I'm starting to realize why- I've been chasing external validation my whole life.. I am a musician, writer, programmer, entrepreneur, competitive video gamer... and you know what? I fuckin rock at EVERY one of those things but it's seemingly never enough to get someone to tell me so I can stop this death race to perfection..

 

[Captain.Heroin]

You will have to learn to accept validation from yourself.

 

[Serotonin101]

someone once told me that the relationship I needed to have is with myself. once I got that relationship and loved my self: best fucking relationship ever! I mean that though, we need to love ourselves regardless of what others say. in time the right person will come into your life. until then, just keep kicking ass at what you do. I'm single, don't really mingle, but I'm honestly happy. I know who I am, who I was, where I'm going, and my assets and liabilities. I know myself. I love myself.

 

[herbavore]

Op, I think that you have already cracked the wall by identifying this (unfillable) need; and now you have to enlarge it so that you can walk through. I am an artist and there is this crazy dance we have to do between what it is we need to create and what we need to sell to live in order to create. The line between getting validation from the outside and getting it from the inside is very tricky. The closest I have been able to come to understanding it and making peace with it is to make sure that I accept myself first. then my need for acceptance from others is held firmly in second place where it should be. Sometimes this requires just practical steps that lead to inner growth. My main venue for sales was a juried Open Studios event that happened once a year. I did it every year and after a while I began to see what paintings sold and what didn't sell as well. Unconsciously I began to paint more and more of the type that sold as the event drew near. When I realized that, I stopped applying for the event altogether for a bit so that I could regain my focus.

The need for outside acceptance is worst in American culture I think. We have a culture that says you do not even count or exist without some shred of fame or outside recognition. This is an insidious trap. We equate happiness and internal peace with something that can only come from the outside. In my lifetime I have watched this escalate to almost a national hysteria. Parents need their kids to excel rather than simply be healthy kids, following whatever path best suits them. There is pressure coming at all of us from the increasing presence of the media in our lives. If you fight one fight for yourself, make it this one. Self acceptance and compassion for yourself lead to an ease and calm that cannot be achieved any other way. You identified the problem so you are halfway there. It will be a process of retraining yourself, noticing when and how the need arises and developing strategies to quell it. Good luck.

 

[RobotRipping]

seek validation from within; you cannot rely on others for your happiness. It just doesn't work that way. Believe that you are an amazing and great person and you will be.

 

[purrpilll]

Well, I'm new. I would like to say..... You are amazing!!

 

[Ozekat]

Do you have any kind of spiritual practice or philosophy you like to live by? I truly believe this is crucial to the entire human existence. Even "atheist" and "agnostic" counts. I'm a buddhist.