Harm Reduction Just need to get this off my chest (harm reduction question too)

[aspear1368]

I just needed to get this out to somebody — anybody who might understand. This is partly a harm reduction question, partly me venting where I’m at.

Harm reduction part first: I know fentanyl is extremely strong and dangerous however it’s used. But is smoking considered less risky than IV overall, and which method tends to cause fewer overdoses?

Now my story:
I relapsed about a year and a half ago. I’ve been in and out of recovery since I was 16 (I’m 28 now). Around the time I relapsed, I was working with a new guy. Pretty quickly we figured out we both liked to use. I always had a thing for crystal, and his choice was smoking fentanyl. So we started using together — smoking and snorting crystal, mixing in way too much Xanax. That went on for a few months. Quietly, I started injecting the crystal on my own.

He would smoke fentanyl but I didn’t try it for a while. When I finally did, I honestly didn’t like it much at first. The nausea was intense and the effects were so short. I tried it a couple more times with him — it was okay, but I’ve always preferred heroin (which is impossible to find where I’m at).

Fast forward — me and him don’t talk anymore, but I’ve kept using crystal every day. At this point, no matter the dose, I barely feel much beyond a quick rush before it fades. My addict brain wanted something stronger. Around here, it’s basically just crystal and fentanyl. So I got a $20 piece.

My friend always smoked it, but me being me, I tried injecting just the tiniest amount. I blacked out and came to running to the bathroom to throw up. The next day I tried smoking instead, and honestly it felt way more manageable compared to IV. Still, I’m terrified. I know this could be the thing that finally takes me out — but I can’t seem to stop.

I lie to everyone around me (and I’m scarily good at it now). I feel like everything is seconds away from falling apart. No matter what I tell myself, I keep picking up more. I don’t know how to live without it anymore.

I just needed to get this off my chest. If you believe in God, please say a prayer for me. If you don’t, I’d still be grateful if you could just keep me in your thoughts. At this point, that feels like the only thing that might save me from myself.

Thanks for reading. God bless.

 

[SuperPsych]

Hey man, thank you for reaching out. Sometimes it helps a lot to get things off of your chest. You definitely aren't alone. There are plenty of people here who are either in a similar position or have been in that same spot and have gotten out.

How long have you been using? I'm not gonna sugarcoat it; you need to get off the shit. I realize how impossible it seems, but it's truly the only option. Fentanyl only leads to a persons life falling apart and/or death. Keep using crystal if you want but nothing good comes from fentanyl. That shit is evil.

Stick around a bit. There are lots of people here who are willing to talk, share their experiences, give advice. I'm proud of you for reaching out

 

[justme6263]

I just needed to get this out to somebody — anybody who might understand. This is partly a harm reduction question, partly me venting where I’m at.

Harm reduction part first: I know fentanyl is extremely strong and dangerous however it’s used. But is smoking considered less risky than IV overall, and which method tends to cause fewer overdoses?

Now my story:
I relapsed about a year and a half ago. I’ve been in and out of recovery since I was 16 (I’m 28 now). Around the time I relapsed, I was working with a new guy. Pretty quickly we figured out we both liked to use. I always had a thing for crystal, and his choice was smoking fentanyl. So we started using together — smoking and snorting crystal, mixing in way too much Xanax. That went on for a few months. Quietly, I started injecting the crystal on my own.

He would smoke fentanyl but I didn’t try it for a while. When I finally did, I honestly didn’t like it much at first. The nausea was intense and the effects were so short. I tried it a couple more times with him — it was okay, but I’ve always preferred heroin (which is impossible to find where I’m at).

Fast forward — me and him don’t talk anymore, but I’ve kept using crystal every day. At this point, no matter the dose, I barely feel much beyond a quick rush before it fades. My addict brain wanted something stronger. Around here, it’s basically just crystal and fentanyl. So I got a $20 piece.

My friend always smoked it, but me being me, I tried injecting just the tiniest amount. I blacked out and came to running to the bathroom to throw up. The next day I tried smoking instead, and honestly it felt way more manageable compared to IV. Still, I’m terrified. I know this could be the thing that finally takes me out — but I can’t seem to stop.

I lie to everyone around me (and I’m scarily good at it now). I feel like everything is seconds away from falling apart. No matter what I tell myself, I keep picking up more. I don’t know how to live without it anymore.

I just needed to get this off my chest. If you believe in God, please say a prayer for me. If you don’t, I’d still be grateful if you could just keep me in your thoughts. At this point, that feels like the only thing that might save me from myself.

Thanks for reading. God bless.

Firstly - sending love your way my brother, this shit is hard and you shouldn't beat yourself up for it.

I've had very little experience with Fent, here in the UK it is sold as H but mostly is nitazene and occasionally fent sold as H. I am on a management programme for H - Espranor aka subutex/bupe. Is there anything on offer in the US which is similar? It is free to access and the script is also free in the UK so not sure about your neck of the woods. Its all I can think of - other than connection and meetings such as NA.

Everything you describe is the addict - especially the being good at lying (or in my case thinking I was good), I was also manipulative as fuck.

I am praying for you man and I'm sorry I can't be more help. Get well, you will get your life back. I'm not clean but I am off opiates almost completely (besides bupe and occasional H use), you can do it mate and there are services which will help you, you just gotta take the step and ask for the help.

EDIT: I've also had experience with smoking (firstly) and then IV crystal - I spent best part of a year psychotic. Not a nice drug once the magic is gone.

 

[justme6263]

Hey man, thank you for reaching out. Sometimes it helps a lot to get things off of your chest. You definitely aren't alone. There are plenty of people here who are either in a similar position or have been in that same spot and have gotten out.

How long have you been using? I'm not gonna sugarcoat it; you need to get off the shit. I realize how impossible it seems, but it's truly the only option. Fentanyl only leads to a persons life falling apart and/or death. Keep using crystal if you want but nothing good comes from fentanyl. That shit is evil.

Stick around a bit. There are lots of people here who are willing to talk, share their experiences, give advice. I'm proud of you for reaching out

I agree and I'd extend that to Heroin - leads to destruction of lives and/or death as you say.