Life is moving on and it's carrying me with it. I'm travelling under duress, barely grasping to all that I know, being forced into facing issues... into facing myself.
I'm so bloody tired of fearing what's ahead. It sometimes feels like I hold myself back because the security of the past is safer than delving forward into something unknown.
But the past has no place here anymore.
My heart is changing and so are my loyalties. I've tipped the balance of loneliness in my favour. Instead of trying to live in a bubble of trappings of the past... I'm allowing myself to make choices based on what I truly want. And they're different from what I thought I wanted.
I've lost one of the biggest loves of my life. He's been gone a long, long time... he's moved on and I need to do the same. I haven't held this torch because I wanted him back... well not in more recent days... it's just that I felt like I couldn't go through the stress and pain of falling in love again because I didn't want to go through the heartache I went through with him ever again. But there has to come a time where, if I don't want to be alone, that I have to take the risk.
I'm not sure that now is the time, and I'm not sure that the person who seems to be cluttering up my mind is "the one"... but basing things on fact... I need to let go of what's gone and at least try and give it a chance.
It's probably nothing. But I'd rather try it than spend another minute grieving.
I'm so bloody tired of fearing what's ahead. It sometimes feels like I hold myself back because the security of the past is safer than delving forward into something unknown.
But the past has no place here anymore.
My heart is changing and so are my loyalties. I've tipped the balance of loneliness in my favour. Instead of trying to live in a bubble of trappings of the past... I'm allowing myself to make choices based on what I truly want. And they're different from what I thought I wanted.
I've lost one of the biggest loves of my life. He's been gone a long, long time... he's moved on and I need to do the same. I haven't held this torch because I wanted him back... well not in more recent days... it's just that I felt like I couldn't go through the stress and pain of falling in love again because I didn't want to go through the heartache I went through with him ever again. But there has to come a time where, if I don't want to be alone, that I have to take the risk.
I'm not sure that now is the time, and I'm not sure that the person who seems to be cluttering up my mind is "the one"... but basing things on fact... I need to let go of what's gone and at least try and give it a chance.
It's probably nothing. But I'd rather try it than spend another minute grieving.
