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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Just had a brutal flashback

theartofwar

theartofwar

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Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
3,263
Location
Boston
My PTSD has been doin much better as of late. Paxil has worked amazingly well for me, however, I still get the flashbacks 90% of time at night in forms of night terrors.

So my mum just pulled me aside to look at a few different color paints for her room and it all hit me, the smell of paint brings me right back to the first time I was raped, the paint in the janitors closet was drying and the smell always made me sick to my stomach - this time i was totally unprepared and just spent the last 10 minutes crying my eyes out. I am okay now, writing this helps, talking to my parents helps, and not buying heroin and coke over it is a huge step forward for me.

I felt I needed to get this off my chest and also to say - guys out there, 1 in 6 men are raped as children, I was raped 19 times at age 10 in a 3 month span - their is NO SHAME and getting help can most certainly save your life. I know how hard it is to talk about, I know what it is like to have an erection and hate yourself because being raped men become erect... I know all that shit - and I still love myself.

Sorry to vent I needed to badly. Love you guys @ TDS.
 
damn that's tough i have panic attacks and the best thing to do is try and relax and try to get your mind off what is bothering you. i actually have a fucked up story from my childhood that kinda relates. when i was about 12 i went to a summer camp. nothing ever happened to me but a couple kids got raped there and the cops questioned me to see if i knew any info about it. i never saw or heard anything happen when i was there but my name was on one of his lists he had in his house. the guy ended up getting convicted for it and is doing 70 years in jail or something like that.
 
Man I am sweating bullets, I took some more benzos that I am RX'd and some propananol (sp) but so far it is not helping at all. I wish I could shake this, my boy is outta work at 3:30 but until then it's just me riding dolo. Blah.
 
No need to apologise for the vent TAOW. What the place is here for! Got nothing constructive to give you I'm afraid, cos I can empathise all I like but don't think I could properly get my head round how this must have felt back then and how it must feel now to relive it like this except to say this particular flashback WILL pass and you know you got people will listen here as long as you need. You vent away fella if it helps. Stay strong brother.
 
Taow I'm so sorry. You helped me when I talked about my rape and I hope I can do the same for you. You've obviously dealt with this incredibly bravely. Honestly, it's inspiring for me to see how you got through it and it gives me a lot of hope that I will as well. It's normal for you to have these flashbacks. In a way, it's probably healthy since it shows you aren't repressing what happened. I'm extremely impressed with how you seem to be doing. Just let the emotions get out. You didn't deserve what happened, it's horrible. Stay strong. <3
 
thanks guys, today I need to hear those reminders. Been a tough one, but this is exactly when my actions need to speak loudest and my words while meaningful are not as important. I am making it through today by not giving up on myself again, by sticking with my plan i had before this and continue with my life. This shit cannot run my life anymore and I refuse to be a slave to it, he would win if that was the case.
 
:(:(:( I am so sorry you have to suffer this. You are so strong and courageous, taow. Even when it knocks you flat like it did today, you get through and you have learned so many helpful ways to talk to yourself to do that. I am glad you have your family with you (canine and human!).(((<3<3)))
 
It's not a cure alll - it has done wonders for me in many areas , you cannot erase trauma altogether unless EMDR works for you which it did not for me. My success w Paxill has been easily seen.
 
Yeah, it was a bit of a daft comment. These things are all relative aren't they? It's also often the case that SSRIs produce really vivid / lucid dreams for a lot of users, particularly the first few weeks / months while you adjust to the meds. It may well be that the dreams fade in frequency and / or intensity a little as time goes on, so hang in there, see if things improve.

How you doing today anyways TAOW? Hope you're feeling better fella.
 
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I think the user may have read my statement as me having night terrors / flashbacks 90% of every night - what I was saying is when I have them (which is rare now), 90% of the time they are AT NIGHT.

It's all good anyway, he's entitled to his input regardless of how it comes across. Open forum freedom of speech.

I am doing well today, I have another busy day but my work is from my comp and my appointments are all in regards to doctor visits so while I dread em, it's important to do. The evening is wide open so I'm looking forward to tonight, in the meantime I'll certainly be on BL amongst other internet hangouts in the background, getting on with my work :P.

Thank you for asking Sepher - appreciate the kind thought brother, and I hope you and rest of TDS has a good day.
 
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