Hey all. First off, I'm a pretty recent visitor to Bluelight and this is my first post here, I felt I needed a nice neutral forum to talk about well, what I'm going to talk about. All your thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.
I recently - last Sunday - got engaged to my girlfriend of six years. Less than a week later and rather than butterflies in my stomach I just have a horrible sinking feeling, that I've made a massive mistake and can't get out of it.
Like I say, we've been going out six years, and for most of that it has been a damn good relationship. She's beatiful, smart, funny and I really do love her. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but no more than any other relationship, and nothing I would consider major. She comes from a different culture than me, one aspect of which (her parents) means we haven't been able to move intogether, indeed may not until after the wedding (there is possibly a compromise there, we'll see). Indeed the first time I'll have met her father is this saturday.
She has always been keen on marriage - and I have been as well, in that I always did intend to get married and have kids at some point in my future - and this year she's been getting a bit more frantic on it. We have had a couple of...well, arguments is maybe a bit strong, but discussions, in which she accused me of leading her along with no intention of ever marrying her. Well I never had any intention of that, but I started to see the end of this year as the deadline for when I should propose, if I was going to do it.
And so tuesday before last we had one of these discussions, and we almost broke up. I've been having doubts I must admit. But when the prospect of breaking up actually came before me, I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. She wasn't hysterical or preassurising I must stress - if anything the opposite, stressing that I needed to be sure before I asked if i was going to ask. And so I guess I persuaded myself I was sure, and in an effort to save our relationship (perhaps) I proposed to her a few days later.
But now I am feeling like I have made a mistake. While marriage with her was always hovering around in my mind as a potential future, now that it's set as THE future, I'm sick in my stomach. All I can think about now are films, stories, my real life experiences of people who have made the wrong choice in this and it's messed up their lives. She's told her friends, work colleagues, family (which was a big deal), ...there was a moment for a clean break and I let it slip through. She made me promise one thing - that I would be sure - and I fucked that up. Maybe this is general masculine commitment phobia, but I think it's more than that. I just don't know what to do.
So....any advice?
I recently - last Sunday - got engaged to my girlfriend of six years. Less than a week later and rather than butterflies in my stomach I just have a horrible sinking feeling, that I've made a massive mistake and can't get out of it.
Like I say, we've been going out six years, and for most of that it has been a damn good relationship. She's beatiful, smart, funny and I really do love her. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but no more than any other relationship, and nothing I would consider major. She comes from a different culture than me, one aspect of which (her parents) means we haven't been able to move intogether, indeed may not until after the wedding (there is possibly a compromise there, we'll see). Indeed the first time I'll have met her father is this saturday.
She has always been keen on marriage - and I have been as well, in that I always did intend to get married and have kids at some point in my future - and this year she's been getting a bit more frantic on it. We have had a couple of...well, arguments is maybe a bit strong, but discussions, in which she accused me of leading her along with no intention of ever marrying her. Well I never had any intention of that, but I started to see the end of this year as the deadline for when I should propose, if I was going to do it.
And so tuesday before last we had one of these discussions, and we almost broke up. I've been having doubts I must admit. But when the prospect of breaking up actually came before me, I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. She wasn't hysterical or preassurising I must stress - if anything the opposite, stressing that I needed to be sure before I asked if i was going to ask. And so I guess I persuaded myself I was sure, and in an effort to save our relationship (perhaps) I proposed to her a few days later.
But now I am feeling like I have made a mistake. While marriage with her was always hovering around in my mind as a potential future, now that it's set as THE future, I'm sick in my stomach. All I can think about now are films, stories, my real life experiences of people who have made the wrong choice in this and it's messed up their lives. She's told her friends, work colleagues, family (which was a big deal), ...there was a moment for a clean break and I let it slip through. She made me promise one thing - that I would be sure - and I fucked that up. Maybe this is general masculine commitment phobia, but I think it's more than that. I just don't know what to do.
So....any advice?
