Tarsarlan
Bluelighter
Ok, so things didn't work out with Razelle, she had seemed interested at the start, but after dropping numerous obvious hints and not receiving and conclusive signs in return, I was pretty sure nothing was going to happen. Another great girl who really likes me, but not enough to take our relationship to the next level.
...Just friends...
"Hey Jyl," I said when she answered the phone.
"Hey hey! How ya doing?" Jyleska greeted me in her usual cheery voice.
"Meh, could be better..." I replied with a slight tone of resignation.
"Oh no! What's up?" she asked in concern.
"I had a little chat with Raz. Well actually, it wasn't all that little, and 'Deep and Meaningful' would be more accurate than 'chat'" I replied, knowing she would know what I was on about.
"Ah. Understood. I'm guessing you and her are still friends hey? She didn't freak out or anything did she? I told you the worst that could happen would be that she would say that she wasn't interested in you in that way. I'm a girl, I know what we're like."
"Heh," I laughed, "I knew that was the worst that could happen too. Doesn't mean it makes it any easier to take, although I know I'll be fine, we are still good friends after all, its not as if I've lost anything."
"Damn right," she said, full of confidence and affirmation, "and who knows what might develop in the future," she added slyly.
"Well yeah, but its not really healthy to nurture that kind of hope, when the most likely outcome is the mutation into a weed which will slowly choke me to death."
"Umm, you think she's going to turn into a weed and choke you to death?" she asked, apparently quite confused.
"Not her! The hope!"
"Hehe I knew what you meant, just stirring ya!" she giggled. "But yeah, I know what you mean. Remember I told you about Jordach? Well even after I knew he wasn't interested I was still following him around like a lovesick puppy for months. I didn't really think that he would develop any feelings for me, but I wanted to see if I could charm him with my feminine wiles."
"Feminine wiles? Yeah right!" I said, smothering my voice with sarcasm.
"Eh! I'll kick you in da nuts!" She said in a rather painful Cartman impersonation.
"Ouch!" I yelled.
"Yeah you better believe it'll hurt!"
"Shit yeah it hurt, please don't do anymore Cartman impersonations, I can't take the punishment."
"You little bastard! Well screw you, I try to sympathise and this is how you repay me? I don't think I wanna talk to you anymore!" She announced.
"You know I'm just kidding," I said laughingly, "I really do appreciate it."
"Yeah I know. Hey seriously though, I've gotta dash, take it easy ok? I'll speak to you later."
"No probs, thanks again, catchya later!"
Talking to Jyleska always made me feel good, regardless of what kind of mood I was in before. She had a way of letting me know beyond a doubt that she cared, and there was also a level of familiarity and comfort that meant that we both understood each other very well and knew that there were no hidden meanings behind anything we said to each other. We'd been friends for a many years, and in that time we'd developed one of the strongest friendships I'd ever experienced.
It wasn't long until I had to go to work, so I cooked myself some dinner to take with me, and thought about Razelle for a while. We'd spent quite a bit of time together recently, going to clubs, watching videos, the usual. Things were much easier in high school when going to the movies with a girl meant that you were going out, both of you fully understood this. At 22 things get a little more complicated though, so much so that it's quite possible for weeks to go by in which you spend many days together, yet still don't know where things stand.
I certainly didn't have any clue where things stood with Razelle. If a girl can share my bed with me and yet not be interested in more than friendship, then what chance do I have of ever knowing whether the feelings are more than just platonic. Granted the couch is a little small and would be rather uncomfortable to sleep on, but her house isn't really that far away, she could have driven home, she didn't ~have~ to stay over, so quite obviously she ~wanted~ to.
...Just friends...
I got an sms from Kirae while I was at work. She wanted me to go with her to Saturation tonight, the rest of the gang always works on Friday and I was the only one with the day off, and she had the day off because there was some kind of important meeting involving her superiors which would last all day. I suggested her bosses were going out tonight and just wanted the day off also. She agreed.
I'd only met Kirae a fortnight ago, she'd been on holidays in Europe and had only just returned on Saturday a fortnight ago, so the gang threw a welcome back party for her. Even though I hadn't met her at that point, I felt as if I knew her as well as the rest of the gang (who I also only knew for a short while, around three months) because she was involved in just about all of the stories the guys told. Quite a ball of fun she seemed to be.
She caught the tram into the city and I met her at the Sev' near Saturation.
"Cadge!" She screamed joyously as she ran towards me and then jumped and wrapped me in a giant hug.
"Dammit girl! Trying to kill me?" I asked in a mock-exasperated tone.
"Good to see you too!" She replied in an equally mocking aggravated tone as she dropped back to the ground.
She was a very physical person, nobody escaped her without at least a hug and a peck on the cheek. Such a friendly girl.
We said hi to the bouncers and walked on in, payed our $10, then headed down to the dance floor. The music was pounding as always, and the crowd was bouncing along. Or shuffling, as the case may be. The two of us bopped along for a while, Kirae showing off her newly perfected spins, and then laying into me when I out classed her up with a few consecutive 360 degree aerial spins. After an hour of trying to keep up with Kirae I was ready for a break. A long break. I told her I was going to go up to the chill out room for a little while, and she immediately jump up on my back and said she was coming too. Climbing stairs while carrying someone piggyback style isn't too easy, especially after an hour of dancing.
We crashed on one of the couches and Kirae curled up against me, running her hands along my arms.
"Pill kicking in?" I asked, knowing full well the answer and rubbing her arms in return.
"Mmmmmm", she purred.
Ok, so I'm sitting here very soon to be fully chopped, with a great girl curled up against me, and I know with a great deal of certainty that she doesn't think of me as more than a friend. No, she hasn't said anything like that, and her behaviour would usually indicate more interest than would be shown a simple friend, yet I know that this kind of thing doesn't happen to me, at least not in a manner any more intimate than that of friends. Don't believe me? Think this is my chance? ...Just watch...
I could almost feel the floodgates opening inside my head, the flow of serotonin slammed into my receptors, knocking my head back into the couch and sending my eyes spinning in their sockets.
"Damn this is a good pill!" I exclaimed, awestruck once again at the strength of recent batches.
"Bulk chopped!", she agreed.
After an hour or so of massages and simply lying there enjoying the feelings, we returned to a more coherent level, though still well inside the peak. Random crap-talk soon delved into the Deep and Meaningful realm, and I quite quickly turned the conversation towards relationships, where all would be revealed.
"Caderon?" She asked, "Why can't I find I nice guy like you?"
You see that question? How would you respond in this situation? ...Here's what I said.
"Why do you want to find a guy ~like~ me?"
"Because you're so sweet and smart, and heaps of fun to play with," she said as she giggled and tickled me.
"So why look for another guy?"
"What do you mean? ...Oh! Well... I do think you're a great guy, but I just don't think of you that way." She said, a hint of an apologetic tone creeping into her voice.
"And what can I do to get you to think of me that way?" I asked as I ran my fingers through her hair and rubbed the outside of the leg, which was lying across mine.
"I don't know, I don't think you can you know? You just ~feel~ those kinda feelings, you can't actively make them happen."
"I think you can..." I insisted.
"I really like you Cadge, but I just want to be friends."
...Just friends...
Was it the mdma? No, not really, she is always a very physical person, the mdma just turns her into a very sensual person. So why does she say I'm so great, and she's love a guy ~like~ me, but not ~me~? Well I don't know, and it didn't seem worthwhile asking.
"Morning..." I said after realising I was awake and that the phone ringing wasn't part of my fractured dreams.
"Hey hey! You sound a little tired, did you go out last night?" Asked Jyleska.
"Yep, me and Kirae went to Saturation, we had one of those new red Stars, damn awesome stuff, pure mdma, bulk chopped I tells ya."
"Heh, nice one! And with Kirae too, nice one again!" She said with more than a hint of mischievousness.
"Meh," I said dispassionately.
"Don't give me that!" She exclaimed, "I know you like her, and you got over Raz pretty fast didn't you?"
"Pfft, just another addition to the long list of girls who 'just want to be friends'"
"Oh man, you're not having much luck lately are you?"
"Not even enough to fill one strand of the DNA inside the nucleus in a cell in the leaf of a four-leaf clover." I responded quite seriously.
"Ha! I like that one!" She announced laughingly. "Oh sorry! I mean that's a good comment, but it's not a good thing. You know what I mean"
"Yeah I know, its cool"
"Hmm, two rejections in as many days, you need some company to cheer you up?"
"No, thanks for the offer, but no." I affirmed. "No, what I ~need~ is a girlfriend to cheer me up..."
"Aww, poor baby," she said comfortingly, not at all in a condescending manner.
...Just friends...
That would have been the point where she would have hinted at being something more than just friends if there was any chance of it happening. But it doesn't matter because ~I~ don't think of her as more than a friend, so wouldn't really want to head in that direction anyway.
They all tell me I'm a great guy who more than deserves the girl of my dreams. I'd like to believe it, and many girls telling me I'm so great is definitely a good thing, but none of them being even slightly inclined to ~be~ that dream girl is not.
...Just friends...
"Hey Jyl," I said when she answered the phone.
"Hey hey! How ya doing?" Jyleska greeted me in her usual cheery voice.
"Meh, could be better..." I replied with a slight tone of resignation.
"Oh no! What's up?" she asked in concern.
"I had a little chat with Raz. Well actually, it wasn't all that little, and 'Deep and Meaningful' would be more accurate than 'chat'" I replied, knowing she would know what I was on about.
"Ah. Understood. I'm guessing you and her are still friends hey? She didn't freak out or anything did she? I told you the worst that could happen would be that she would say that she wasn't interested in you in that way. I'm a girl, I know what we're like."
"Heh," I laughed, "I knew that was the worst that could happen too. Doesn't mean it makes it any easier to take, although I know I'll be fine, we are still good friends after all, its not as if I've lost anything."
"Damn right," she said, full of confidence and affirmation, "and who knows what might develop in the future," she added slyly.
"Well yeah, but its not really healthy to nurture that kind of hope, when the most likely outcome is the mutation into a weed which will slowly choke me to death."
"Umm, you think she's going to turn into a weed and choke you to death?" she asked, apparently quite confused.
"Not her! The hope!"
"Hehe I knew what you meant, just stirring ya!" she giggled. "But yeah, I know what you mean. Remember I told you about Jordach? Well even after I knew he wasn't interested I was still following him around like a lovesick puppy for months. I didn't really think that he would develop any feelings for me, but I wanted to see if I could charm him with my feminine wiles."
"Feminine wiles? Yeah right!" I said, smothering my voice with sarcasm.
"Eh! I'll kick you in da nuts!" She said in a rather painful Cartman impersonation.
"Ouch!" I yelled.
"Yeah you better believe it'll hurt!"
"Shit yeah it hurt, please don't do anymore Cartman impersonations, I can't take the punishment."
"You little bastard! Well screw you, I try to sympathise and this is how you repay me? I don't think I wanna talk to you anymore!" She announced.
"You know I'm just kidding," I said laughingly, "I really do appreciate it."
"Yeah I know. Hey seriously though, I've gotta dash, take it easy ok? I'll speak to you later."
"No probs, thanks again, catchya later!"
Talking to Jyleska always made me feel good, regardless of what kind of mood I was in before. She had a way of letting me know beyond a doubt that she cared, and there was also a level of familiarity and comfort that meant that we both understood each other very well and knew that there were no hidden meanings behind anything we said to each other. We'd been friends for a many years, and in that time we'd developed one of the strongest friendships I'd ever experienced.
It wasn't long until I had to go to work, so I cooked myself some dinner to take with me, and thought about Razelle for a while. We'd spent quite a bit of time together recently, going to clubs, watching videos, the usual. Things were much easier in high school when going to the movies with a girl meant that you were going out, both of you fully understood this. At 22 things get a little more complicated though, so much so that it's quite possible for weeks to go by in which you spend many days together, yet still don't know where things stand.
I certainly didn't have any clue where things stood with Razelle. If a girl can share my bed with me and yet not be interested in more than friendship, then what chance do I have of ever knowing whether the feelings are more than just platonic. Granted the couch is a little small and would be rather uncomfortable to sleep on, but her house isn't really that far away, she could have driven home, she didn't ~have~ to stay over, so quite obviously she ~wanted~ to.
...Just friends...
I got an sms from Kirae while I was at work. She wanted me to go with her to Saturation tonight, the rest of the gang always works on Friday and I was the only one with the day off, and she had the day off because there was some kind of important meeting involving her superiors which would last all day. I suggested her bosses were going out tonight and just wanted the day off also. She agreed.
I'd only met Kirae a fortnight ago, she'd been on holidays in Europe and had only just returned on Saturday a fortnight ago, so the gang threw a welcome back party for her. Even though I hadn't met her at that point, I felt as if I knew her as well as the rest of the gang (who I also only knew for a short while, around three months) because she was involved in just about all of the stories the guys told. Quite a ball of fun she seemed to be.
She caught the tram into the city and I met her at the Sev' near Saturation.
"Cadge!" She screamed joyously as she ran towards me and then jumped and wrapped me in a giant hug.
"Dammit girl! Trying to kill me?" I asked in a mock-exasperated tone.
"Good to see you too!" She replied in an equally mocking aggravated tone as she dropped back to the ground.
She was a very physical person, nobody escaped her without at least a hug and a peck on the cheek. Such a friendly girl.
We said hi to the bouncers and walked on in, payed our $10, then headed down to the dance floor. The music was pounding as always, and the crowd was bouncing along. Or shuffling, as the case may be. The two of us bopped along for a while, Kirae showing off her newly perfected spins, and then laying into me when I out classed her up with a few consecutive 360 degree aerial spins. After an hour of trying to keep up with Kirae I was ready for a break. A long break. I told her I was going to go up to the chill out room for a little while, and she immediately jump up on my back and said she was coming too. Climbing stairs while carrying someone piggyback style isn't too easy, especially after an hour of dancing.
We crashed on one of the couches and Kirae curled up against me, running her hands along my arms.
"Pill kicking in?" I asked, knowing full well the answer and rubbing her arms in return.
"Mmmmmm", she purred.
Ok, so I'm sitting here very soon to be fully chopped, with a great girl curled up against me, and I know with a great deal of certainty that she doesn't think of me as more than a friend. No, she hasn't said anything like that, and her behaviour would usually indicate more interest than would be shown a simple friend, yet I know that this kind of thing doesn't happen to me, at least not in a manner any more intimate than that of friends. Don't believe me? Think this is my chance? ...Just watch...
I could almost feel the floodgates opening inside my head, the flow of serotonin slammed into my receptors, knocking my head back into the couch and sending my eyes spinning in their sockets.
"Damn this is a good pill!" I exclaimed, awestruck once again at the strength of recent batches.
"Bulk chopped!", she agreed.
After an hour or so of massages and simply lying there enjoying the feelings, we returned to a more coherent level, though still well inside the peak. Random crap-talk soon delved into the Deep and Meaningful realm, and I quite quickly turned the conversation towards relationships, where all would be revealed.
"Caderon?" She asked, "Why can't I find I nice guy like you?"
You see that question? How would you respond in this situation? ...Here's what I said.
"Why do you want to find a guy ~like~ me?"
"Because you're so sweet and smart, and heaps of fun to play with," she said as she giggled and tickled me.
"So why look for another guy?"
"What do you mean? ...Oh! Well... I do think you're a great guy, but I just don't think of you that way." She said, a hint of an apologetic tone creeping into her voice.
"And what can I do to get you to think of me that way?" I asked as I ran my fingers through her hair and rubbed the outside of the leg, which was lying across mine.
"I don't know, I don't think you can you know? You just ~feel~ those kinda feelings, you can't actively make them happen."
"I think you can..." I insisted.
"I really like you Cadge, but I just want to be friends."
...Just friends...
Was it the mdma? No, not really, she is always a very physical person, the mdma just turns her into a very sensual person. So why does she say I'm so great, and she's love a guy ~like~ me, but not ~me~? Well I don't know, and it didn't seem worthwhile asking.
"Morning..." I said after realising I was awake and that the phone ringing wasn't part of my fractured dreams.
"Hey hey! You sound a little tired, did you go out last night?" Asked Jyleska.
"Yep, me and Kirae went to Saturation, we had one of those new red Stars, damn awesome stuff, pure mdma, bulk chopped I tells ya."
"Heh, nice one! And with Kirae too, nice one again!" She said with more than a hint of mischievousness.
"Meh," I said dispassionately.
"Don't give me that!" She exclaimed, "I know you like her, and you got over Raz pretty fast didn't you?"
"Pfft, just another addition to the long list of girls who 'just want to be friends'"
"Oh man, you're not having much luck lately are you?"
"Not even enough to fill one strand of the DNA inside the nucleus in a cell in the leaf of a four-leaf clover." I responded quite seriously.
"Ha! I like that one!" She announced laughingly. "Oh sorry! I mean that's a good comment, but it's not a good thing. You know what I mean"
"Yeah I know, its cool"
"Hmm, two rejections in as many days, you need some company to cheer you up?"
"No, thanks for the offer, but no." I affirmed. "No, what I ~need~ is a girlfriend to cheer me up..."
"Aww, poor baby," she said comfortingly, not at all in a condescending manner.
...Just friends...
That would have been the point where she would have hinted at being something more than just friends if there was any chance of it happening. But it doesn't matter because ~I~ don't think of her as more than a friend, so wouldn't really want to head in that direction anyway.
They all tell me I'm a great guy who more than deserves the girl of my dreams. I'd like to believe it, and many girls telling me I'm so great is definitely a good thing, but none of them being even slightly inclined to ~be~ that dream girl is not.
