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Just found out my uncle shot himself

RobotRipping

RobotRipping

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2011
Messages
4,000
Location
NS, Canada
I knew my uncle died this week, i thought it was due to the health problems he was having but today my dad finally told me he shot himself. Down in a barn at 5:30am, all by himself. He said he was going to do it for the last 2 weeks and no one did shit. Family is devastated. I knew him my whole life but haven't stayed in touch with him directly for a while. He was a farmer, made tons of money, always had everything when i knew him growing up, fun guy.

He found out he was bi-polar a few years ago and struggled badly with it. He needed help and didn't get it, though he tried. So he died of complications of his bi-polar really.

I feel numb to it all right now of course, as i'm on a bunch of drugs. I can still feel the pain when i think about the memories and it makes me want to cry but i don't know.

I feel like i'm also having a quarter life crisis where i want to go out and grab everything in the world. i want to live real life, raw real life. My gf just doesn't understand this. I'm kind of lost but have a nice path ahead of me as long as i don't fuck it up too bad.

man life is fucked sometimes. Sorry no question here, maybe just looking for support. I don't need to hear get off the drugs, i know i have to, but other advice is welcome.
 
I'm so sorry to hear that. I truly am. Death is something no one will ever be immune to.

When my grandma passed away, I felt numb of all emotions too. I think it was just a coping method that I was using. There's no right or wrong way to deal with grief.

I wish I could provide more advice, but what I am able to provide is support, understanding, and empathy <3
 
dont know what to say mate. what a horrible way to lose a loved one. if you can remember all of the good times you had with him then that's good. talk about him with family and friends, tell people what a great guy he was, celebrate his life.
 
I am so sorry, RR. That is truly tragic. There is so little understanding and so little compassion for mental illness. People struggle in isolation and with terrible stigma. The whole culture is batshit crazy but those who suffer from actual physiological imbalances are made to feel like failures.

I understand your feeling of wanting to go out and grab life by the handfuls. Seeing the slammed door of death like that opens your eyes to how short this little blip really is. Think about ways to honor your Uncle and the memories you have of him. It helps with the particular grief such a desperate death evokes.

It must be really hard for everyone in your family. My heart goes out to all of you. (((<3)))
 
yeah so messed up, cried this morning once the drugs wore off, kind of crying now as the drugs kick in. I'll be a big boy though and make it through but i feel terrible for my cousins and aunt. That side of my family has lost so many people in the last 2 years. It's my mom's side of the family and she died about 9 years ago starting it all off.

thanks herb, you're always a great help <3
 
I'm so sorry to hear this, I know how horrible this must be for you right now. Don't feel there's any certain way you should be reacting to this and just let all your emotions out if you need to. Sometimes it can help to write your thoughts and feelings down to try and make more sense of the situation - or talking to someone, who's affected by this or not.
 
yeah thanks pagey, been keeping in touch with the family. I've been through lots of grief and death and handle it well. Still hurts obviously though. I've let my emotions out now the drugs are kicking in and taking the rest of it away, that's the best i can do for today.

i really appreciate the support.
 
robo man im so sorry...
a lot of people will let it go, forget about it. not the case how i deal with it.
keep him in your mind, all the good times you had, and all the good things he'd ever done.

Everytime you just cant take it anymore, think of him looking down on you. He was in immense emotional and psychological pain, i assume..and now hes in a better play, pain free and illness free.

Now he can watch you and your family live, without the constant inner struggle he had to deal with. He'd want to see you do great things.

Respect man. hope your alright.
 
So sorry for your loss. Stay strong, remember the good times. keep spreading the word about mental illness, help kill the stigma attached to it.
 
I am SO very sorry to hear of your loss.

I am very new to the BL community, but I like to read your posts because you seem like a genuinely caring, compassionate person. I can tell your family is important to you and I can only imagine how the thought of your uncle's pain distresses you. A lot of us can understand that dark and lonely stretch of hell that makes death seem like the only way out. I am glad that you have memories of good times with him, and I hope that these memories can come to bring you comfort and not pain.

As for your desire to reach out and grab as much life as you can....that is a good thing, IMO, and I hope you can hang onto it. That kind of drive can bring a lot of good things into your life and keep you strong. Hopefully the GF will come to understand how you feel about that.

Hang in there, time does have the power to heal.

Blessings to you and to your family.
 
I had a cousin who hanged himself in a barn. What is it with suicidal people and barns? (Sorry, don't mean to be crass, but honestly.)

Sorry for your loss. Mental illness is such a silent killer in our society. A lot of people are being diagnosed with it who shouldn't be, a lot of people who really need help fall through the cracks. There can be such painful stigmas attached to it that you find it hard to reach out too.

Why didn't your uncle get help when he tried looking for it?
 
i guess it just didn't work out, it's hard to treat bipolar as it is and the medical system is fucked anyway. They just throw ssri's at you, and run you through the mill of pills. I experience it myself and i've been suicidal on cipralex, dr told me to up my dose. fucked up shit. And also to add welbutrin to counter the side effects, yeah thanks dr.

thanks to everyone for the kind words and support. I'll make it out okay, hope the rest of my family holds together, it is rough shit to deal with. glad his pain is over, not sure why he would do it after recovering from illness, buying 4 huge farms and making shit loads of money but man being bipolar can really take a hold on a person.

thanks crazyc, glad you enjoy my posts :)

not sure what it is with barns either; he was a farmer his whole life though. Live and die with it.
 
Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. Never easy losing a family member, even those we're not particularly close to because they're so part of the furniture we've grown up with but especially difficult in such circumstances. I guess your family's gonna be asking lots of questions like why didn't we do more and how did we not see this coming and the answer is of course if you've never experienced mental ill health to that kind of degree it's difficult to imagine someone would ever really choose to end their life that way, and especially not so-and-so, they'd never do that. Gonna be hard for you all I know. You have my sympathies.
 
Full respect for your lost loved one man. It's ironic but I cope like you and many of the others here with just "numbing out".
When I first learned my grandmother had passed, It just made me feel a weird emptiness but I didn't start crying or mourning right away.
It took time to actually come to terms with the real issue at hand, I guess it's "Normal" (or different) human coping mechanism if you will.
Its always sad, and I hate to see someone suffer so bad that they find the only way out is the only way to not come back.

Full respect to all the lost ones, because one day we will all be there.
 
thanks guys really appreciate it. It is rough, my dad is bipolar too. Fucking mental illness in my family, all over the place. i've been in contact with my cousins, they are doing okay. At least they have shit loads of money. I know that money doesn't replace life but it certainly helps you cope (i know from experience).
 
Im so sorry robotripping,i hope u cope well,theres mental illness in my family as well,people just dont understand what hell we have to go through,may ur uncle rest in peace
 
I feel for you man, i just got back from my grandfathers wake.I live with him so i was the one who found him :( I cry when im alone.
I was never one for emotions but crying has helped, i also wish i had drugs though to dull the pain.

im not very far from you either im in cape breton.
 
i don't cry much either, like once a year or 6 months. But i did cry a few days for my uncle. Sorry to hear about your grandfather man, that sucks, hold in there.

you don't need drugs to dull the pain, experience that emotion full out, it will release endorphins and you'll feel better.

yeah i know you're close, haven't been to CB in a while, my sis lives there though. If you're ever up in the city hit me up on PM.
 
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