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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

just found out I have 5 years to live?! so now what!? LEGIT.. I AM LOST!

He has a tumor in the cerebellum/ brain stem area, not cancerous, but 4cm, and it caused a hemorrhagic stroke last week. We were told previouslythey would watch and wait. But it's now terminal. They gave him a 40 percent chance of lasting a month.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My fiance's balance, memory, hearing, sight is all shot. Now the stroke took what was left.

I care for him and there's enough left for the love to still be there. I'll be with him until the end. Just can't do it clean. We are older. We were a drug couple that stayed together. He was a speed freak. I was/am his pet drooler.

33 is too young. I hope and pray you get well.

Hugs from this old woman. You sound so strong.
 
Boston, my husband has a are form of lymphoma that the doctors at Stanford say should have killed him long ago--he is a complete outlier and they don't quite know what to make of it. Still, just telling him that if he were typical, he would be dead, has made him very fatalistic. Any kind of cancer fucks with our minds but especially the treatable but incurable ones. I'm really sorry that you are on this roller coaster. The best thing I have seen my husband do for himself is to try to ground himself continually in the present moment. Trite as that may sound, it does no one any good to be existing in the anxiety of an uncertain future or remorse for a past that cannot be changed. Is the hospital offering you any kind of support services? If so, I would take them up on it.<3
 
all good, man. spoke w/ the Dr. and he said he didnt say exact 5 yrs but at the same time it is hard for him to give me a date. he said my Suboxone Dr. kept pushing for numbers and the numbers he gave were between 5-20, but yet the Sub Dr. came to me w/ the minimum for whatever reason.. which is something ill take up w/ him in a month but I am in NO FUCKING RUSH, lol!

seriously, at this point, life is life, man. what can I do!? I just want to live and have fun doing so. yes, I am going through chemo and it kinda fucks me up a bit but I still am living my daily life and doing "normal" things. yes, I have used ONCE since getting on chemo only 2 weeks ago and used it as an excuse, but I am back to being "sober" as I can get and just working thorough it all.

the reality of it all is, based on how this chemo goes, and its results, that will be the true LIFE EXPECTANCY DATE/RATE! I am 33, and have plenty of time to worry about that shit. and the way technology/the world is nowadays, who the hell knows what could happen in 5-10yrs, so lets pray for best, ya know!?

but I was happy to talk to my ACTUAL Dr. and hear him say "NO, NOT 5 years" although it was part of his range its bottom based and worst case scenario type shit.
 
I'm really happy for you, Boston. That's so much more positive. The subs doc sounds like an unprofessional asshole.
Can't keep eyes open, will write later, but so happy to see its better news
 
the Sub Dr. is 60+ and been in the business for a long time; the Nuero is around 35 and has been studying for a bit but only been in professional practice for a few years, which scares me and questions me at times. I was with another Nuero Dr. for the past 4 years but he just left MGH to go study/do something at NYC - not sure why. I spoke to him since he left and he gave me a question explanation but nothing in detail.

so yes, it was GOOD TO HEAR form the Dr. himself but it still worries me that this is all relatively new to him; as it is to me.. however, its all HAPPENING TO ME but hes just studying it.
 
BBT, i really feel for you man.
I'm only a couple of years younger than you, and can't quite imagine what you're going through, but i'm really impressed at how determined and positive you seem to be in the face of such a scary situation.

Stay strong brother, and please keep us posted on how you are going. <3
 
Here's hoping for the best. I know it's a bit cheesy of am example but a very inspiring person to me was a man on Oprah who was told a similar thing with less time to live, yet lived on far past his death date. He was in insanely good shape and just made the most out of everything. This is certainly no blessing but maybe you can see this as a way to take each day and live it to its fullest. I found when my mom went through cancer and just In general peoples attitudes seem to affect their health.

Just some food for thought. I'm sorry you have to go through this because I'm really wishing for the best. <3
 
I really do have a positive attitude; I always have. I found out about this 4 years ago and still positive to this day; its just recent they put a lesser amount of years but that is no guarantee, ya know!? NOTHING IS A GUARANTEE aside from my cancerous brain tumor, lol. but yes, I even laugh at it because there is NOTHING I CAN DO aside from take the medication right, go through w/ what the Dr. says, and stay good w/ everything else. other than that, what do you want from me? ha. thats why I am confident in all.

w/ my drug addiction I never thought I'd live a FULL LIFE! dude/dudettes, 65/70 is enough for me, man. sounds dumb but I have always looked at it that way, so its part of the reason why I look at things the way I do. I am very confident and doing all I can to STAY STRAIGHT and do the right things that keep my family, esp. my mother, happy.
 
BBBT, I'm sorry that you ran into a Dr. who ran his mouth without letting his brain process the information! Medical training is not a guarantee that a person has communication skills.

Everyone who's heard the C-word has an almost atavistic reaction. Cancer=pain +death. I've been there. You're given the stats with no way of knowing if they apply to you. I am so impressed that you remain positive and managing your life without letting your prognosis interfere. The way I think about it is no matter how much time I have left, it's never too soon to visit the people I love and start the bucket list.
 
exactly, man. esp. coming from being a very bad addict; you NEVER KNOW your last day so enjoy it all one day at a time. sometimes I feel its the best thing to do then other times I feel I SHOULD be thinking in advance but seem to always live one day at a time.
 
I used to always live in the future or the past....or my speciality: both at the same time! Losing my son threw me right down into the present moment and though I tried all sorts of ways to escape using my usual winning strategies8) I found I'd lost the ability. I'm thankful for the lesson, but not how I got it. It's not that I never plan but for the most part I feel every day as the gift it is--even the hard ones. When I was pregnant with my son people would say, "You've got to eat for two." Since he lost his life, I feel sometimes like I have to live life for two.

You have got a great outlook, BBT, and part of that must come from your nature but part probably comes from the uncertainty you have to cope with. Much love to you.<3
 
well, funny/good news to go w/ this all, but I went in front of a judge today to see if they would be able to cut all money owed to the court system for the probation; I have NOT been able to pay FULL MONTHLY PAYMENTS which were $155/mo and over the past 3-4 months since finding out about this, losing the job, etc, I was only able to get off 50-75 if I was lucky. well, my PO put me in front of the judge w/ a violation of problem, which at first I took as an insult and worried me, but she was actually on my side once I told her what was happening, what my currently heath problems were (same PO as my first DUI - which is when I found out about my tumor) and what my plan of attack was.

anyway, my name was called, and the judge mentioned my time left on probation, money owed, etc. it was then my PO spoke up and asked me the case to be thrown out and have all fees/time waived, and let me go about my daily life and worry about my health rather than having ANYTHING to do w/ court since I wrapped up all my weekend classes, my 2 week DUI program on the inside (no jail, but inside as in program for 2 weeks) and all of my counseling, etc. took care of all that before finding out the tumor has grown and all the other information I have given.

so things SURLY DID WORK OUT FOR ME TODAY! so today, well, TODAY WAS A GREAT FUCKING DAY! saved me around $1100 and 6 months of probation - AWESOME!

not that I was ever worried; I do not see myself ever violating but its NICE to NOT have it on your back; sounds crazy but for 8 out of the last 11yrs, I have had pre-trail, parole, probation, something hanging over my head; it feels great to FINALLY BE LEFT ALONE and I am in a position where I am confident that I will NOT be seeing the court system every again because I have so many others things going on in life right now that court, breaking the law, etc, are last on the list of things to do.

pray for me people! today was a good day.
 
Good to hear man!
You deserve a bit of compassion from The Man.
I've never had much trouble with the law, but can imagine that stuff - and the prospect of imprisonment - must really weigh on your mind.
Stay strong, friend.
 
I'm so happy for you!
God and me are struggling right now, but ill pray for you, gladly.
Wishing you a pain free peaceful evening, sweetie.
Brain tumors are so cruel, and you are doing so well. Your attitude towards it is inspiring.
 
spacejunk said:
Good to hear man!
You deserve a bit of compassion from The Man.
I've never had much trouble with the law, but can imagine that stuff - and the prospect of imprisonment - must really weigh on your mind.
Stay strong, friend.
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was GREAT TO HEAR, you have no idea. I've been involved w/ the law far too long and they always were above my head; now it just feels good that they are NOT LOOKING DOWN UPON ME, ya know!? again, I was never bothered and my PO was a chill woman, but its just the fact that its all over now. this was a 2.5yr probation w/ many things involved and for the first 1.5 they drove me crazy w/ classes, programs, etc, this was all w/ no car, so getting to and from became insanity. thankfully I learned about UBER, lol
 
herbavore said:
Wow--yay! for the unexpected humanity of your PO and your good luck.
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thanks, brotha. she was never a bad to work w/ but was very forgetful and always ask same questions and wonder if certain things have been done or not. she never even drug tested or used a breathalyzer on me once I would go in; she trusted me. for the first year it was court mandated that i had to show up monthly for the breathalyzer and check in; I lived a half hour away and no train went to the station; it was fucking hell, man ill never forget the first 1.5yrs of this probation; it was insanity w/ what went on, so to be FREE FEELS SO GOOD!
 
Dude, glad you've made progress out of that situation. Good of you not to be very hard on her: a lot of POs are doing the best they can with ridiculous case loads and people who are hell bent on screwing their lives up. You, on the other hand, are not!
 
neversickanymore said:
I would not put so much faith in this mans opinion. I would certainly explore cannabis related treatments for this and certainly take up CBD consumption supplementally with your current approach.

So sorry to hear this news BBT, but nothing is set in stone.
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AMEN.
Nothing is set in stone, I've heard so many doctors tell my family/friends/loved ones that they'll die in X m/y... and then they DON'T... They just keep on living. And the doctors are all like "omfg totally miracle cause I can't be wrong!!!!!"

But I've heard amazing things about raw food diets if you still have cancer. Like just google "raw food diet for cancer patients" and it can literally get so much better.
 
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