BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
I didn't want to put this in the sober living forum, because I don't think I can say I want to NEVER use again - I just don't want to be addicted. And I don't want to put it in the 'other drugs' forum because that seems to be mostly for the exotic drugs with lots of letters in their name.
I've been using opiates since the mid-90s. I started snorting, and from 97 to 99 or so I was shooting heroin first, then speedballs. I wasnt shooting long, but I sure made the most of my time doing it - I used up most of my veins (never went in my neck or groin - didn't dare). So I went back to snorting. Unfortunately (and I really mean that), my partner and I were making decent money, so we bought a lot, cos it was cheaper. Which means we did a lot. By 2008 we basically couldn't get high - too much tolerance. So in 2008 I got on methadone. I still used though, til Sept 2012. That was the day I stopped heroin. I did use once a few months later, but that's it. Once I'd been clean a few months I was able to start tapering my methadone dose.
I took my last dose this past Saturday. I went down pretty fast at the end, because I wanted to get off it, and because I have a trip back home for Christmas (for the first time in years - hard to go home with no dope, and I aint bringing it on the plane), and i wanted to be totally detoxed and feeling good when I go back.
I've been feeling sick and crappy for the last two months as my dose went down. I had a few vicodin, so I've been taking one a day to just give me a few hours relief, but I took my last one this morning. By tonight I'm going to feel like crap.
I called my dealer a bit ago. He hasn't called back yet. My plan is to get one little piece and do just enough to feel decent, so I can clean up the house and start doing some organizing for my trip. Feeling sick makes me not want to do ANYthing. I dont even want to lay in bed and watch tv, or surf the net - things that require no effort. And I have stuff I need to do.
My plan is, do enough today to feel decent, clean up the apartment, ect. Then let myself be sick for six days. I feel like if I could just feel really good for ONE day, I could deal with being sick for a few. It's the constant sickness for the last two months that's driving me crazy. Then next monday I'll do a tiny bit again, finish reorganizing the apartment and doing everything I need to do.
Do you think if I just use once every seven days, the six days inbetween that I'm on nothing (I have no more Vicodin and I'm not going on the street to get more) will be enough for me to actually withdraw and get normal?
I'm not sure what kind of responses I'm expecting... I full expect some people to come in here and say I'm fooling myself with the once a week thing. But I don't mind - I'd appreciate any feedback at all. I sat here for hours this morning, picking up the phone, putting it down, picking it up, putting it down, fighting with myself about whether to call my d. And honestly he might not even call back. Or he might call back and say no - who knows. But I just need to type this somewhere. I feel like an idiot for trying to score two days after I got off methadone, but I'm dealing with so much right now (personal/family stuff I don't want to go into).
I've been using opiates since the mid-90s. I started snorting, and from 97 to 99 or so I was shooting heroin first, then speedballs. I wasnt shooting long, but I sure made the most of my time doing it - I used up most of my veins (never went in my neck or groin - didn't dare). So I went back to snorting. Unfortunately (and I really mean that), my partner and I were making decent money, so we bought a lot, cos it was cheaper. Which means we did a lot. By 2008 we basically couldn't get high - too much tolerance. So in 2008 I got on methadone. I still used though, til Sept 2012. That was the day I stopped heroin. I did use once a few months later, but that's it. Once I'd been clean a few months I was able to start tapering my methadone dose.
I took my last dose this past Saturday. I went down pretty fast at the end, because I wanted to get off it, and because I have a trip back home for Christmas (for the first time in years - hard to go home with no dope, and I aint bringing it on the plane), and i wanted to be totally detoxed and feeling good when I go back.
I've been feeling sick and crappy for the last two months as my dose went down. I had a few vicodin, so I've been taking one a day to just give me a few hours relief, but I took my last one this morning. By tonight I'm going to feel like crap.
I called my dealer a bit ago. He hasn't called back yet. My plan is to get one little piece and do just enough to feel decent, so I can clean up the house and start doing some organizing for my trip. Feeling sick makes me not want to do ANYthing. I dont even want to lay in bed and watch tv, or surf the net - things that require no effort. And I have stuff I need to do.
My plan is, do enough today to feel decent, clean up the apartment, ect. Then let myself be sick for six days. I feel like if I could just feel really good for ONE day, I could deal with being sick for a few. It's the constant sickness for the last two months that's driving me crazy. Then next monday I'll do a tiny bit again, finish reorganizing the apartment and doing everything I need to do.
Do you think if I just use once every seven days, the six days inbetween that I'm on nothing (I have no more Vicodin and I'm not going on the street to get more) will be enough for me to actually withdraw and get normal?
I'm not sure what kind of responses I'm expecting... I full expect some people to come in here and say I'm fooling myself with the once a week thing. But I don't mind - I'd appreciate any feedback at all. I sat here for hours this morning, picking up the phone, putting it down, picking it up, putting it down, fighting with myself about whether to call my d. And honestly he might not even call back. Or he might call back and say no - who knows. But I just need to type this somewhere. I feel like an idiot for trying to score two days after I got off methadone, but I'm dealing with so much right now (personal/family stuff I don't want to go into).
