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Venting Just Confused

I

I'm-Still-Alive

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2015
Messages
169
Location
New York
My fiance, who has never done anything before, and wants me to stay clean, asked me the other night what I would say/do if he wanted to do my DOC. Now I have a thought in the back of my head… does he want to do it?
 
Hmm not very clear, ask finance to clarify. It's always good to know the correct information before assumptions. Besides if you're planning to be together communication is essential.
 
what is your DOC?

IMHO the decision taking drugs is a personal choice and must be done in a very informed way.

you are both peer pressure and a trip sitter....I get the frustration at the hypocrisy if him both wanting you to stop yet he wants to start.

talking is essential, he can be both curious and worried about you, does he understand where you are and enough about your DOC?
 
I'm-Still-Alive said:
My fiance, who has never done anything before, and wants me to stay clean, asked me the other night what I would say/do if he wanted to do my DOC. Now I have a thought in the back of my head… does he want to do it?
Click to expand...
You are set to marry somebody YET still haven't worked through this most basic issue?
I can tell how this will end up going very quickly.
 
placebonaut said:
what is your DOC?

IMHO the decision taking drugs is a personal choice and must be done in a very informed way.

you are both peer pressure and a trip sitter....I get the frustration at the hypocrisy if him both wanting you to stop yet he wants to start.

talking is essential, he can be both curious and worried about you, does he understand where you are and enough about your DOC?
Click to expand...
I prefer coke. I only use it a few times a year, but he’s asked for total abstinence. So I’m doing that. But the other night he asked what I would think if he did some.

Oh and I’m editing to add that I agree, drug use is definitely a personal choice that needs to be done in a safe, informed manner.

I’m very open about the drug, the risks, (I’ve got degrees and certifications in this area), harm reduction needs, etc. but he’s been very clear that he wants me to not use. So that’s why I’m so confused… and my brain is now wondering if he wants to use it… do I get to as well? Like, I don’t know.
 
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Sounds like something you need to sit down and talk about.

I went through a very similar thing with my other half many years ago, they didn't like me doing drugs but never asked/expected me to stop, I choose to out of my own volition, in retrospect is was the wrong thing to do as it led to 20 years of alcohol abuse instead, DOH.

Now years later I'm taking drugs again but my partner knows, accepts, doesn't like, but is still committed to our relationship. It can work with 1 person straight but it's bloody awkward.

Unsolicited advice, sorry I know you didn't ask!

There's no right or wrong decision here only that it must be your decision, doing something you don't want to do risks setting up a difficult situation later in life for the 2 of you, the minimum should be accepting each other for who you are, that doesn't mean either of you can't compromise, nor does it mean that either of you have to change, but you need to be doing it in the right spirit i.e. a conscious decision, and you need to be ready to live your life out with that decision....

so red flags for me if it is manipulation....
 
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