Uncle Sa.... Bush?
Scuse the formatting and the length - I'm not going to rechop 100 lines or so. Either way, I think everyone should read this and then remember who's leading the most powerful nation the world has ever seen...
> RESUME:
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH
> The White House
> USA
>
>
> PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
>
> I ran for congress and lost.
> I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
> I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil
> in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I
> sold all my stock.
> I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
> sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
> Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago
> White Sox.
> With my father's help (and his name) was elected
> Governor of Texas.
>
> ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
>
> I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies
> and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
> I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most
> smog-ridden city in America.
> I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government
> to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
> I set the record for most executions by any Governor
> in American history.
> I became President of the United States of America
> after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes,
> with the help of my father's appointments to the
> Supreme Court.
>
> ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
>
> I attacked two countries.
> I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
> I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit
> in history.
> I set the economic record for most private bankruptcies
> filed in any 12-month period.
> I set the all-time record for biggest drop in the
> history of the stock market.
> I am the first president in decades to execute a
> federal prisoner.
> I am the first president in US history to enter office
> with a criminal record.
> In the first year in office I set the all-time record
> for most days on vacation by any president in
> US history.
> After taking t he entire month of August off for vacation,
> I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
> I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips
> than any other president in US history.
> In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans
> lost their jobs.
> I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans
> than any president in US history.
> I signed more laws and executive orders amending the
> Constitution than any president in US history.
> I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history
> and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
> I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history
> and refused to use the national reserves as past
> presidents have.
> I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
> I set the all-time record for the most people worldwide
> to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me
> &nb sp; (15 million people), shattering the record for
> protest against any person in the history of mankind.
> I dissolved more international treaties than any
> president in US history.
> Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration
> in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire,
> Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
> I am the first president in US history to order a US
> attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation,
> and I did so against the will of the United Nations
> and the world community.
> I created the largest government department bureaucracy
> in the history of the United States.
> I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget
> spending increases, more than any president in
> US history.
> I am the first president in US history to have the
> United Nations remove the US from the human rights
> commission.
> I am the first president in US history to have the
> United Nations remove the US from the elections
> monitoring board.
> I removed more checks and balances, and have the least
> amount of congressional oversight than any presidential
> administration in US history.
> I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
> I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
> I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners
> of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva
> Conventions.
> I am the first president in US history to refuse
> United Nations election inspectors (during the
> 2002 US elections).
> I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for
> most corporate campaign donations.
> My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also
> one of my best friends, presided over one of the
> largest cor porate bankruptcy frauds in world history
> (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
> I, with a policy of "disengagement," created the most
> hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least
> 30 years.
> I am the first US president in history to have a
> majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my
> presidency as the biggest threat to world peace
> and stability.
> I am the first US president in history to have the
> people of South Korea more threatened by the US
> than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
> I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden
> "dead or alive."
> I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried
> to murder the leaders of our country at the
> United States Capitol building. After 18 months,
> I have no leads and zero suspects.
> In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks,
> I have successfully prevented any public
> investigation into the biggest security
> failure in the history of the United States.
> I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for
> Americans than any other president in US history.
> In a little over two years, I created the most
> divided country in decades, possibly the most
> divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
> I entered office with the strongest economy in US
> history and in less than two years turned every
> single economic category heading straight down.
>
> RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
>
> I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in
> Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and
> is not available).
> I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the
> military during a time of war.
> I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any
> questions about drug use.
> All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas
> have been spirited away to my father's library,
> sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
> All records of any SEC investigations into my insider
> trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in
> secrecy and unavailable for public view.
> All minutes of meetings for any public corporation
> I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and
> unavailable for public view.
> Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP)
> attended regarding public energy policy are sealed
> in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
> For personal references please speak to my daddy
> or uncle James Baker. (They can be reached at
> their offices of the Carlyle Group for
> war-profiteering.)
