i don't share my deep thoughts with anyone. here's a better place then any.
should being happy be such an effort?
i think i'm my own worst enemy. i have so many conflicting feelings between the person i am and the person i want to be.
the person i wanted to be was a nice guy, who was passionate for what he did. hard working, friendly with confidence. a positive person, with genuine thoughts and feelings.
the person i am is someone with a chip on his shoulder. someone isn't proud of himself. someone who fails his own expectations. it's hard to find motivation to socialise and be happy when your self esteem is pretty much non existent. i mean fuck, you shouldn't even need motivation to socialise, it should just come natural.
i can't say i've been genuinely happy for a long time now. maybe that's why i always seem to find myself reminiscing about my younger years. maybe that's why i still drive by old friend's houses and think about the fun we used to have. i realise i'm not going to move forward if i'm only ever looking back. 2 years ago i decided to journey abroad to live and work in an attempt to get out of the rut i felt i was in. it was a good experience, but i don't think i made the most of it. i probably didn't put myself out there as much as i should have. but i did find a job i enjoyed though. i loved it actually. 9 months into the job the contract ended and i was devastated. i really thought i had something going. something i could spend my energy on, enjoying it and making a living.
after 1yr abroad i came back home. i think i felt 1yr was enough, but in hindsight i really should have made more of it.
now i've been back home for almost a yr. time has flew by and i think i find myself in the same rut as i was before i went abroad. my job doesn't really excite me, my closer friends are moving on, whether it be with the love of their life, or just a change in direction. where am i going? i don't really know. it's almost as if i'm just waiting for something to happen. but that's not how life works. if you want something done, you gotta get off your arse and do it.
i realise that. but i think i just need a little help. some guidance. some influence and encouragement. i'd never ask for it though. too much pride. but when pride's the only thing you got, it really ain't worth much.
i'm stuck. i really think it's time i make a big decision to do something about it.
should being happy be such an effort?
i think i'm my own worst enemy. i have so many conflicting feelings between the person i am and the person i want to be.
the person i wanted to be was a nice guy, who was passionate for what he did. hard working, friendly with confidence. a positive person, with genuine thoughts and feelings.
the person i am is someone with a chip on his shoulder. someone isn't proud of himself. someone who fails his own expectations. it's hard to find motivation to socialise and be happy when your self esteem is pretty much non existent. i mean fuck, you shouldn't even need motivation to socialise, it should just come natural.
i can't say i've been genuinely happy for a long time now. maybe that's why i always seem to find myself reminiscing about my younger years. maybe that's why i still drive by old friend's houses and think about the fun we used to have. i realise i'm not going to move forward if i'm only ever looking back. 2 years ago i decided to journey abroad to live and work in an attempt to get out of the rut i felt i was in. it was a good experience, but i don't think i made the most of it. i probably didn't put myself out there as much as i should have. but i did find a job i enjoyed though. i loved it actually. 9 months into the job the contract ended and i was devastated. i really thought i had something going. something i could spend my energy on, enjoying it and making a living.
after 1yr abroad i came back home. i think i felt 1yr was enough, but in hindsight i really should have made more of it.
now i've been back home for almost a yr. time has flew by and i think i find myself in the same rut as i was before i went abroad. my job doesn't really excite me, my closer friends are moving on, whether it be with the love of their life, or just a change in direction. where am i going? i don't really know. it's almost as if i'm just waiting for something to happen. but that's not how life works. if you want something done, you gotta get off your arse and do it.
i realise that. but i think i just need a little help. some guidance. some influence and encouragement. i'd never ask for it though. too much pride. but when pride's the only thing you got, it really ain't worth much.
i'm stuck. i really think it's time i make a big decision to do something about it.
