My eyes open.... Only takes moments to realize where I'm at. Far far away from the dream land I was just in. Far far away from the life I once knew, that I was ok In, "doing good" making family proud, making enemies jealous... The "good" days. Life was ok then. Much better then where I am now
"Fuck" I say in my head. Another day waking up in my 'single' size bed, back in my parents home, almost reaching the age of 28. A far far step from when I moved out on my own at the age of 23 with my boyfriend of 8 years. We had a nice size house, a nice size bed. He was a handsome guy. He was a good guy. We practically grew up together. We were almost like a power couple... Ganging up together when something threatend one of us. Intimidating other couple how we made being together look so effortless and 'cool' we were with eachother in not fighting or getting crazy or jelous ....
Well here I am now, in my childhood bedroom, alone ... About to begin another stupid ass day doing the same stupid ass stuff. Change u ask? Why can't I change? Well bc I'm a addict and paralyzed in fear
I can't believe I left him, I left that life, I chose to do this, I chose to throw away a relationship that was relatively ok
Now, he's getting married to someone. He moved on and his life is moving forward.
But me? I'm jus going backwards.
I know what I must do. I know I need to face these Demonds. But I'm stuck in this limbo that life sucks and I need the opiates to get through this stupid ass day. This stupid ass work shift. But at the same time, I want change. I want happiness. I want a real relationship again. I want my own place.
How does it end?! How do I get through this. Is death easier (tho I'd never go through w it)
Everyday the problem gets worse and worse. When will I stop fighting?! When will I start fighting the good fight?!
"Fuck" I say in my head. Another day waking up in my 'single' size bed, back in my parents home, almost reaching the age of 28. A far far step from when I moved out on my own at the age of 23 with my boyfriend of 8 years. We had a nice size house, a nice size bed. He was a handsome guy. He was a good guy. We practically grew up together. We were almost like a power couple... Ganging up together when something threatend one of us. Intimidating other couple how we made being together look so effortless and 'cool' we were with eachother in not fighting or getting crazy or jelous ....
Well here I am now, in my childhood bedroom, alone ... About to begin another stupid ass day doing the same stupid ass stuff. Change u ask? Why can't I change? Well bc I'm a addict and paralyzed in fear
I can't believe I left him, I left that life, I chose to do this, I chose to throw away a relationship that was relatively ok
Now, he's getting married to someone. He moved on and his life is moving forward.
But me? I'm jus going backwards.
I know what I must do. I know I need to face these Demonds. But I'm stuck in this limbo that life sucks and I need the opiates to get through this stupid ass day. This stupid ass work shift. But at the same time, I want change. I want happiness. I want a real relationship again. I want my own place.
How does it end?! How do I get through this. Is death easier (tho I'd never go through w it)
Everyday the problem gets worse and worse. When will I stop fighting?! When will I start fighting the good fight?!