June Recovery Thread

[cyberius]

Anyone else frequent NA meetings? I'm doing 90 in 90 (day 36). This might be something that actually works for me. Getting a good group definitely rubs off on you and for the first time my thinking is actually sounding right again.

 

[Jabberwocky]

yes mate i did more than 90 in 90 when i left rehab, the obsession to use did lift but i think its more to do with the type of person prepared to make that level of commitment to their recovery. the obsession came back around the 6 month mark, but that was cos of ptsd.

i still go to 3-4 meetings a week, keeps me out of trouble and i know a lot of people there so its kinda a social thing. glad its helping you, its definitely helped me, but there's some very mixed opinions on it in here. i've been going regularly over a year now and people in NA convinced me to go to rehab so pretty much saved my life.

 

[cj]

I went to a bunch of meetings when i first got here to minnesota but i have lost interest recently. If it helps it helps so keep doing it

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

I'm keeping up on things yes. Everything else like mental health seems to keep falling apart. Even when some things improve it's like other things get worse, somehow.

I'm sure your new clothes look great!

I think my #1 problem is wanting to be alone and isolation, and the effect it has on me.

Captain Heroin,

Your words just echoed my experience with the worst traumatic experience of my life up to that point 2 years ago. It took me over two years just to stop having lucid nightmares about the same tragedy playing over and over and what could I have done to have prevented it from happening, or if I only missed one day at work on Friday, none of the forever life altering tragedy and PTSD and Manic Depression, and everything else that went total downhill in my life for the last two years wouldn't have happened maybe and I would be happier than ever and maybe would have started a family by now like most of my close friends and family my age while I just have no choice but to look out of the window for now and observe the world at large. I haven't accepted by any means that tragedy and trauma will become accepted in a general conceptual sense, but rather I am experiencing change at an emotional level where I don't feel the 'shock' of the tragic experience as intensely anymore. So one could say that I perhaps have overcome a large part of my personal PTSD. I'll mention again that I stopped having those nightmares where I would wake up in the middle of the night every night for months it was that bad. I went and got quentiepine at the time because I hadn't slept in so long that I felt like a zombie.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I've had ptsd nightmares for about 10 years now. Not every night but it's still an ongoing issue.

I'm working on it one day at a time.

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

Took my prescribed Quentiepine last night, currently on a low dose 5 mg/night. Woke up at 10am super depressed; usually feel more stable in mornings after having taken it last night. I guess sad events in life just override even most medications. I’d like to stop the opioid-use to try to feel more balanced but I don’t know what to do anymore. Psychitry, Philosophy/Religion, diet and exercise. Seems like meds haven’t really helped my mood over a year. I don’t know anymore. If I’m exposed to sad events even the passing of a distant relative, I can really experience the emotional pain of the immediate family members very much so. Is there hope for empaths? I don’t think Science nor Psychiatry has the answers.

 

[jdfisse]

Anyone else frequent NA meetings? I'm doing 90 in 90 (day 36). This might be something that actually works for me. Getting a good group definitely rubs off on you and for the first time my thinking is actually sounding right again.

For the past 6 years, 9 months, and 12 days I have been on a perpetual 90 in 90 in NA. I am so excited that you are getting a glimpse of what may be available to you just for today! I am sorry that we didn't get to meet up when you were here in Vegas, but it sounds like you are treading your path. You can get through anything. I truly believe that. Thank you for making the hair on my arm stand up. That hope shot will keep me clean another day!

 

[endlessnameless]

Thought I'd hop in on this thread. Hoping to be pretty much back to myself by the end of next week (the 23rd) and have a solid plan in progress. Heres to recovering in June

 

[Chris42393]

Greetings guys. I will go first.

I am not doing well. I can get exceedingly high and not worry about stuff. But the despondency and numbness of PTSD is making my life a living nightmare.

Stay strong everyone.

Hope everyone is doing well. Its been exactly a month since the last time I "used." Hopefully, I'll be strong enough to continue down this path of sobriety. Been having some extreme cravings lately. Just need to stay strong.

I wish everyone the best!

 

[cj]

Gutted absolutely fucking gutted. Every good thing that happens to me is immediately counteracted by a bad thing. I swear to fucking god. I got a job valeting cars then i just found out my fucking license is suspended over a bullshit misdemeanor warrant back home. Such a crock of shit. Such shit.... Whats even the point of playing when the deck is stacked against you? Sexually abused, bipolar disorder, addicted along with 5 other mental diagnosis. Why shouldn't i slit my fucking wrists? Why shouldnt i go shoot some dope? My life is fucked anyway. Ill never escape the past. This shit was from 4 years ago. 4 fucking years. I paid them there goddamn money they need to fuck off and die. Shit makes me want to do some shit. Someone has too. “How can we expect righteousness to prevail when there is hardly anyone willing to give himself up individually to a righteous cause." A 20 year old kid said that right before she was beheaded by the nazis for taking a stand against repression. Maybe i am just off my meds but at some point a stand has to be made. My fucking IOP counselor was trying to tell me i need to just accept it. I said what if MLK and the thousands of others had just accepted segregation? he said but your not MLK. Well I am sure people told him "but you are not abe lincoln". If we just accept injustice because its easier then how can we expect things to change?

Im just over it. I cant keep taking these gut punches. I just want it so bad but it seems unobtainable. I want to go get wasted. Peacefully fall asleep and suffocate. Do a huge speedball and base jump without a parachute. I dont think it would even work because i am already dead and this is hell. This is hell. I see everyone else making progress while i get fucked in the most gut wrenching way possible. I want to bleed to death while drowning. I want to flush oil onto all those beautiful french beaches i will never see.

 

[Jabberwocky]

cj you will get another job and the disappointment will fade into the past.

i could feel the pain in your words and know there's nothing a random person on the internet can do. if it was that easy we'd all be happy all the time.

you shouldn't kill yourself because then you will never get another chance to feel good. i always promise myself i'll do it in a week if i've felt that bad for the entire week. it helps a lot to know i can.

 

[cj]

We do drive on a public road. But I got it figured out and my license is reinstated. Cost 300 dollars though.... fuckers.

 

[hotfriesmmm]

still sober. So I live in this sober condo with two other guys. They both relapsed, separately not together. Really made me take a look at my own sobriety and reinforce the idea that I want to be sober. So now I've got the place to myself. Other than that just hitting up yoga everyday, and mtn biking at least 4 days a week. I currently live a pretty blessed life. One thing I have been struggling with is the idea of smoking pot again. The last thing I want though is so eventually slip back into being an alcoholic or a junkie again. I've come sooo far in 9 months.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

congrats on your 9 months bro. that's amazing.

 

[cj]

Things are looking up. I feel good. Probably the massive gabapentin dose i took but fuck it. My new therapist is super sexy. And she is pretty cool. Ill type more of an update later this keyboard sucks. I still dont have a cell pone and it sucks!!!!!

 

[Jabberwocky]

awesome CJ!!!! glad you sorted your license out and were feeling better, hope you still are.

i am royally shitting myself like why the fuck did i get the idea i'm ready to work? i'm getting rising panic. argh should not think about it it doesn't help.

done my last friday daytime NA service, last meeting with my key worker, last gym lesson- i'll find a different one, mine at the moment is for cheshire housewives, i go cos i like the classes but they're only in the day for people who don't have to work. today two women were talking about their husband's flats in manhattan and houses on long island. fuck me i'm so glad i don't have that type of money i'd still be using.

going to visit family tomorrow for a few days which i'm also a bit nervous about.

 

[cj]

I know the feeling chinup. Work is a whole new level of stress

 

[Jabberwocky]

yep!! i'm sure we'll both be fine once we get used to it but its a whole load more pressure.

just really can't lose this one cos i'm smoking crack in the toilets all the time instead of working.

 

[cj]

lol same except shooting h in the toilet

 

[cyberius]

50 days, wow. Too bad I had to take a low dose of dxm to reflect. Are psychedelics drugs in you guys' opinions? I think this sort of helps me change my perspective but I could just be rationalizing a slip.