June Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Sober Summer Fun!

[cj]

I am so fucked guys. I have to make a shit choice. I either stop smoking weed for the next 2 months or I have to leave the methadone clinic. I love weed it is the best medicine I have ever found for my mind. See I am kinda fucked in the head. I have a nasty temper mixed with severe depression and suicidal ideation. Todays the first day without weed. I took 25 400mg gabapentin over the course of the day. So I am not suffering too bad but I cant keep eating so many of these cause I only get 150 a month.

Don't ever come to Alabama. Its a fucking shithole filled with willfully ignorant people. People here don't want to be educated. Its hard to describe what I am talking about but trust me it will eventually get under your skin. So yeah the next few months are going to suck. I am going to try and stop smoking but its going to be rough.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I am so fucked guys. I have to make a shit choice. I either stop smoking weed for the next 2 months or I have to leave the methadone clinic. I love weed it is the best medicine I have ever found for my mind. See I am kinda fucked in the head. I have a nasty temper mixed with severe depression and suicidal ideation. Todays the first day without weed. I took 25 400mg gabapentin over the course of the day. So I am not suffering too bad but I cant keep eating so many of these cause I only get 150 a month.

Don't ever come to Alabama. Its a fucking shithole filled with willfully ignorant people. People here don't want to be educated. Its hard to describe what I am talking about but trust me it will eventually get under your skin. So yeah the next few months are going to suck. I am going to try and stop smoking but its going to be rough.

taper off methadone

that's just my advice, take it or leave it

 

[Dodger Guy LA]

from the outside its easy to say weed on the back burner. Good luck my friend !

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Damn, no more weed? That's tough. I have experience with people coercing me into quitting smoking weed for a period of time, and it's definitely annoying...

At least it's only for 2 months

 

[cj]

taper off methadone

that's just my advice, take it or leave it

Im giving it real thought. I like methadone but I like weed too. I think my plan right now is too taper down to a more reasonable dose so I wont die if I quit the clinic. Withdrawing from 150mg of methadone is not really an option. My long term plan is too move out of this hell hole state. I want to buy my weed from a store. I am tired of being treated like a criminal because I get relief from pot. Life sucks so much sometimes. I can relate to the suicide thoughts you guys are talking about. Sometimes Ill be driving my car and think aout how easy it would be too just swerve into a tree. That way no one would know it was suicide.

 

[Dodger Guy LA]

Im giving it real thought. I like methadone but I like weed too. I think my plan right now is too taper down to a more reasonable dose so I wont die if I quit the clinic. Withdrawing from 150mg of methadone is not really an option. My long term plan is too move out of this hell hole state. I want to buy my weed from a store. I am tired of being treated like a criminal because I get relief from pot. Life sucks so much sometimes. I can relate to the suicide thoughts you guys are talking about. Sometimes Ill be driving my car and think aout how easy it would be too just swerve into a tree. That way no one would know it was suicide.

California!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Honestly CJ stay on methadone. That is probably more useful for you. If you really need cannabis, taper off methadone. The thing is, you really are going to need to taper slowly to get off it successfully and not just going back and relapsing as soon as you're off it. Is cannabis really worth the relatively high likelihood of relapsing on opioids if you get off methadone before you're really true and ready? Especially if you're at a higher dose, like above 40mg, tapering is going to require some real time, six to twelve months minimum.

Can you taper and still smoke weed? If weed is really so necessary for your wellbeing and maintaining a high quality of life, then ideally you would taper off as slow as possible while still smoking during the taper. But if they will make you do an administrative taper of something (a faster taper than like 1-5mg a week), this might not be a good idea to continue smoking if you could do a slower taper and just take a break from the weed for the majority of it.

I'm so sorry to hear about this CJ, it's so fucked. This is why I am getting off methadone. I can't deal with all the clinic rules and regulations and bullshit drama. Talking to my clinic manager is like banging my head against the wall. Such a huge PITA. The last manager was from Ireland and so she can with a much more harm reduction sort of perspective and ran the clinic really well. The new manager doesn't just have that stupid fucking 12 Step confrontational mentality, but she also sucks at her job, generally unprepared for shit whenever it comes up so nothing gets handled as effectively as it should. Anyhoo, enough of that rant...

 

[cj]

Honestly CJ stay on methadone. That is probably more useful for you. If you really need cannabis, taper off methadone. The thing is, you really are going to need to taper slowly to get off it successfully and not just going back and relapsing as soon as you're off it. Is cannabis really worth the relatively high likelihood of relapsing on opioids if you get off methadone before you're really true and ready? Especially if you're at a higher dose, like above 40mg, tapering is going to require some real time, six to twelve months minimum.

Can you taper and still smoke weed? If weed is really so necessary for your wellbeing and maintaining a high quality of life, then ideally you would taper off as slow as possible while still smoking during the taper. But if they will make you do an administrative taper of something (a faster taper than like 1-5mg a week), this might not be a good idea to continue smoking if you could do a slower taper and just take a break from the weed for the majority of it.

I'm so sorry to hear about this CJ, it's so fucked. This is why I am getting off methadone. I can't deal with all the clinic rules and regulations and bullshit drama. Talking to my clinic manager is like banging my head against the wall. Such a huge PITA. The last manager was from Ireland and so she can with a much more harm reduction sort of perspective and ran the clinic really well. The new manager doesn't just have that stupid fucking 12 Step confrontational mentality, but she also sucks at her job, generally unprepared for shit whenever it comes up so nothing gets handled as effectively as it should. Anyhoo, enough of that rant...

I just got a new counselor because my old one left the clinic for a better job. This lady is strait out of school and she is just fucking clueless. Like I have a ton of patience generally but this lady is really unbelievable. She has no clue about addiction at all. Like yesterday she told me that she didn't even want to work with addicts. She is just getting experience so she can get a job working with HIV patients. Her whole attitude screams fuck off I don't want to be here. I may transfer counselors but its Russian roulette for who I amy get stuck with.

Basically I have 90 days to start passing my drug tests. If I am still failing after that I will have a hearing where I will have a chance to try and justify not getting kicked out. From my understanding I will be administratively discharged if I am not passing the tests in like 180 days give or take. The administrative discharge taper is fast and brutal. I am at 150mgs so yeah go back to shooting heroin if that happens. I am a pussy when it comes to withdrawals in all honesty.

Before I got on methadone I was hopeless. There is no way I can go back to that life after seeing how great I feel on methadone. At the same time smoking weed makes me happy. It drowns out the depression and self loathing. I feel like if I quit smoking then I will have fully surrendered everything I love for opiates. I don't know. I bought some weed today so I am not off to a great start that's for sure. I think my plan is to cut back to 2 bowls a day once I get my kpin script filled on Saturday. That should let my THC levels get pretty low. Then I will stop smoking all together a few weeks after that when I have a bunch of benzos saved up.

LOL im so fucking screwed.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well, it is pretty huge that you are able to assess your situation objectively and see things for what they are. It really does sound hopeless, but you really never know.

What about transfering onto Suboxone, at least until maybe somehow you can get back into the clinic or another one.

Still, I would say try 90 days of not consuming any cannabis stuff, as it will be a very worthwhile challange no matter how good cannabis is for you or how much you find enjoyment in it, because you have to remember that you have your whole life to live - look at this on terms of the long term. It can be very difficult for people with challanges like those we face to really give due consideration to the long term consequences or potential consequences of the decisions and choices you make now.

Does that make any sense? I know it is not what you want to hear, but giving up cannabis in order to stay on methadone and avoid getting back into heroin or whatnot is a hell of a lot better than doing an admonistrative taper, getting back into heroin and continuing to use cannabis as you wish. They may both be shitty choices, but I think it is fairly clear which is the more responsible, mature and wise decision.

 

[manboychef]

CH: Why are you angry?

CJ: I would definitely taper the methadone if and only if you know that you will not go back to using, or you have the proper foundation in place for recovery without maintenance. Weed I think is the safer, cheaper, and more therapeutic option of the two. I find that the good far outstrips the bad when it comes to weed. You are totally not screwed, you just have an obstacle to overcome which I know you are quite capable of.

That counselor you have sounds like a total charlatan. Regardless of how she feels about working the methadone clinic she should at least do the job correctly and with a little pride. I remember having a psychiatrist through lifestream that was the same way. Five minutes talking and here is your next script...she never wanted to help me get the therapy I needed (she had to submit a form to my insurance in order for me to get free therapy sessions) and much preferred to just keep throwing pills at it. She obviously didn't like dealing with addicts (which lifestream is about treating addicts) yet still did the job. When it comes to her and your counselor I would say; "If you don't like the job and cannot fulfill your duties as such, stand aside and let someone who will."

 

[cj]

There is zero chance of me staying off heroin without methadone. Even if I start tapering now there is no way I could be comfortably finished in 180 days. Either way I don't see weed as a replacement for methadone. The weed treats my PTSD and depression while the methadone treats my opiate addiction. They are both important medications for my life. The worst part of this whole deal is that its slowly eroding my faith in that anyone can help me without having ulterior motives. Like how anyone could compare my life now to what it was a year ago and think that I am not better off on methadone is beyond me. The uncomfortable truth is that the state of Alabama would rather me be dead or in prison than on methadone. According to the clinic these rules where laid down by the state and they have no power to change them even when they are counterproductive. Apparently the state regulating agency is ran by people who believe in the 12 step model of recovery instead of the harm reduction model. So I am going to suffer the consequences of there beliefs.

At the end of the day I will probably do what I have too to keep getting dosed but I am really not happy about it. I cant wait to get out of this fucking state.