Cravings.
I have cravings. Lots of them. I am trying to avoid giving into them as much as I can. I just don't have the money to afford anything at the moment. But that will change. I can also do some shady shit, but I don't want to do that either. It's also fucking cold as shit outside. But sometimes the cold can make opiates even better. That warm fuzzy blanket on my tingly brain...
And cocaine.
Oh, my cruel Mistress, Cocaine. I don't know which one I love more. Heroin and Cocaine. Cocaine and Heroin. Maybe I just love speedballing.
I know I'll be getting my tax return fairly soon, so I might have to go and quench this thirst once again. I don't really want to, but then I do really want to. I want to get as high as humanly possible and have my brain awash in those awesome chemicals that make happiness into a physical feeling.
I am not sure what I want.
I am so afraid of dying from using drugs. I don't want to have a heart attack and die from using cocaine or speedballing and have my brother or girlfriend come home and find my dead body. That's a scenario I play over and over in my head. I used to feel invincible, but now I feel fragile. And I haven't truly overdosed yet. (At least, not to the point of needing medical intervention. Not that I want to, but I am just stating fact. Knock on wood.)
I have a G Pen and some weed. That's been alright.
I was picking up my meds at Walgreens the other day. Klonopin and Suboxone. The pharmacist said to me, "Don't drink and drive with these." I was like... really? Seriously? Okay, buddy. I am pretty sure you're not supposed to drink and drive anyway, but whatever, I'll take it...
So now I'm just burning fucking candles and drinking coffee and trying to wrap my brain around turning 30 in 6 months. What the fuck. Where has the time gone? Why do I still live here? Where am I going in my life? Fuck.
I just want a gram of cocaine, a bundle of heroin and some crack rocks... and a hotel room and a pack of Marlboro menthol lights and a couple of blunts and a handful of Xanax and a bottle of vodka... and just some time to myself. I want to stop taking my Suboxone for a couple of days so I can REALLY get high. UGH. This is where I fuck up. I keep teasing myself and listening to Elliott Smith and looking at dope porn... it's just momentary until you masturbate, right?
FUCK MY NEIGHBOR...
I have cravings. Lots of them. I am trying to avoid giving into them as much as I can. I just don't have the money to afford anything at the moment. But that will change. I can also do some shady shit, but I don't want to do that either. It's also fucking cold as shit outside. But sometimes the cold can make opiates even better. That warm fuzzy blanket on my tingly brain...
And cocaine.
Oh, my cruel Mistress, Cocaine. I don't know which one I love more. Heroin and Cocaine. Cocaine and Heroin. Maybe I just love speedballing.
I know I'll be getting my tax return fairly soon, so I might have to go and quench this thirst once again. I don't really want to, but then I do really want to. I want to get as high as humanly possible and have my brain awash in those awesome chemicals that make happiness into a physical feeling.
I am not sure what I want.
I am so afraid of dying from using drugs. I don't want to have a heart attack and die from using cocaine or speedballing and have my brother or girlfriend come home and find my dead body. That's a scenario I play over and over in my head. I used to feel invincible, but now I feel fragile. And I haven't truly overdosed yet. (At least, not to the point of needing medical intervention. Not that I want to, but I am just stating fact. Knock on wood.)
I have a G Pen and some weed. That's been alright.
I was picking up my meds at Walgreens the other day. Klonopin and Suboxone. The pharmacist said to me, "Don't drink and drive with these." I was like... really? Seriously? Okay, buddy. I am pretty sure you're not supposed to drink and drive anyway, but whatever, I'll take it...
So now I'm just burning fucking candles and drinking coffee and trying to wrap my brain around turning 30 in 6 months. What the fuck. Where has the time gone? Why do I still live here? Where am I going in my life? Fuck.
I just want a gram of cocaine, a bundle of heroin and some crack rocks... and a hotel room and a pack of Marlboro menthol lights and a couple of blunts and a handful of Xanax and a bottle of vodka... and just some time to myself. I want to stop taking my Suboxone for a couple of days so I can REALLY get high. UGH. This is where I fuck up. I keep teasing myself and listening to Elliott Smith and looking at dope porn... it's just momentary until you masturbate, right?
FUCK MY NEIGHBOR...
