So I did 3-4 bumps more of meth today. It scares me because I really like it. I read something that said it was programmed to fuck your life up and hook you. I don't believe in that necessarily because I believe in science and chemistry and 6the fact that it's just another chemical. Well chosen, though.
I'm a big fan of stimulants of all kind. Meth is the king obviously besides maybe MDPV. Meth is more popular though.
The thing that scares me about this is how fiendy it is. I'll still be high but I'll get a craving that says I'm not where I should be in the "high spectrum".
They searched us and our dorms yesterday. My friend who gave it to me had it in his pocket when he walked in and they were waiting for everyone, blocking the path to our rooms and telling us to sit down. So what he did is he sat out of sight and hid it under the couch. They found nothing. My friend hadn't slept in 3 days so he was hella tired. He decided to take a nap in his room afterwards and after telling me where it was. He told me if it went missing he'd be beyond pissed since I now had the info of where it was. So I decided to grab it, pour a few bumps into a baggie, and put it back lowkey.
So if you think about it, I'm already stealing to get meth and it's day 3. That's sketchy. It feels weird because logically I know what's right and what's wrong and what the drug is doing to me, but it like impairs your ability to say no. Which is why I'm pretty glad that he's all out of it and so am I.
I hate the feeling of like being sober when you're still high. When you're seeking a booster, it makes you feel like your high that you're on now isn't adequate.
I'm telling myself I won't ever do it again but not really. The next time my friend has it, I'm almost 100% doing it again. It's great. it's functional. The negatives GREATLY outweigh the positives. I always told myself I'd never try it because I knew I wouldn't be able to trust myself with it. I've watched friends smoke it right next to me for hours and offer it to me and I'd say no because I already knew. And what do you know, it's true.
My therapist told me I have a self-fulfilling prophecy. He says because my parents call me a drug addict and all this shit for smoking bud and drinking, that I'm unconsciously rebelling against them and becoming it. I didn't deny it because if it's unconscious then how am I to know. Brain chemistry and genes, man...
A thought of using my $23.01 paycheck for a baggie of meth and forcing myself to only use every so often until it's gone is flooding my brain right now. Like just right now. That's crazy........asdasdagfh
Anyways, this blog is about Job Corps. I'm still in class right now, procrastinating my work. Listening to music and typing fast. I want a cigarette. Even though I said I'd stop because cigarettes are retarded. A 30-45 second lightheadedness in return for cancer, emphysema, and all kinds of other issues? I'll pass...
Or I guess not.
The search that occurred yesterday happened because some dumbass brought weed on campus, rolled a blunt in our dorm bathroom, and threw the bag (open) into the trashcan of the enclosed ass bathroom. You really have to be a moron to do that, especially with security that's getting tighter and tighter.
I moved beds finally. One of our cubemates finally completed and I moved from the top bunk to his bed on the floor. All I have to say is thank god. It's hot as fuck up there, no fan can reach up there, making my bed is close to impossible and ALWAYS frustrating and mood-killing.
I ate nothing for lunch again. I just chugged two cups of heavily sugared coffee in an attempt to boost my tweak. Didn't really do shit.
I got kicked out of smoke break. For some reason, cigarettes seem to boost my tweak. So I found someone who was willing to piece his cigarette with me. I walked with him to the front. We were literally lighting the fucking cigarette when my counselor (who was also smoking) said "What are you doing here?" I said I was here for smoke break. She kicked me out for being 18 and not 21+. I was heated. I still am heated. So many people I know who are under 21 go on smoke break just because they look older or are favored. Fuck that.
Other than that, things are pretty normal around here. My music skills are increasing on the daily and it's super exciting. I love the feeling of "this is why I was born" when I create music. It's such a warm and satisfying feeling.
Signing off, love y'all, thanks for reading.
I'm a big fan of stimulants of all kind. Meth is the king obviously besides maybe MDPV. Meth is more popular though.
The thing that scares me about this is how fiendy it is. I'll still be high but I'll get a craving that says I'm not where I should be in the "high spectrum".
They searched us and our dorms yesterday. My friend who gave it to me had it in his pocket when he walked in and they were waiting for everyone, blocking the path to our rooms and telling us to sit down. So what he did is he sat out of sight and hid it under the couch. They found nothing. My friend hadn't slept in 3 days so he was hella tired. He decided to take a nap in his room afterwards and after telling me where it was. He told me if it went missing he'd be beyond pissed since I now had the info of where it was. So I decided to grab it, pour a few bumps into a baggie, and put it back lowkey.
So if you think about it, I'm already stealing to get meth and it's day 3. That's sketchy. It feels weird because logically I know what's right and what's wrong and what the drug is doing to me, but it like impairs your ability to say no. Which is why I'm pretty glad that he's all out of it and so am I.
I hate the feeling of like being sober when you're still high. When you're seeking a booster, it makes you feel like your high that you're on now isn't adequate.
I'm telling myself I won't ever do it again but not really. The next time my friend has it, I'm almost 100% doing it again. It's great. it's functional. The negatives GREATLY outweigh the positives. I always told myself I'd never try it because I knew I wouldn't be able to trust myself with it. I've watched friends smoke it right next to me for hours and offer it to me and I'd say no because I already knew. And what do you know, it's true.
My therapist told me I have a self-fulfilling prophecy. He says because my parents call me a drug addict and all this shit for smoking bud and drinking, that I'm unconsciously rebelling against them and becoming it. I didn't deny it because if it's unconscious then how am I to know. Brain chemistry and genes, man...
A thought of using my $23.01 paycheck for a baggie of meth and forcing myself to only use every so often until it's gone is flooding my brain right now. Like just right now. That's crazy........asdasdagfh
Anyways, this blog is about Job Corps. I'm still in class right now, procrastinating my work. Listening to music and typing fast. I want a cigarette. Even though I said I'd stop because cigarettes are retarded. A 30-45 second lightheadedness in return for cancer, emphysema, and all kinds of other issues? I'll pass...
Or I guess not.
The search that occurred yesterday happened because some dumbass brought weed on campus, rolled a blunt in our dorm bathroom, and threw the bag (open) into the trashcan of the enclosed ass bathroom. You really have to be a moron to do that, especially with security that's getting tighter and tighter.
I moved beds finally. One of our cubemates finally completed and I moved from the top bunk to his bed on the floor. All I have to say is thank god. It's hot as fuck up there, no fan can reach up there, making my bed is close to impossible and ALWAYS frustrating and mood-killing.
I ate nothing for lunch again. I just chugged two cups of heavily sugared coffee in an attempt to boost my tweak. Didn't really do shit.
I got kicked out of smoke break. For some reason, cigarettes seem to boost my tweak. So I found someone who was willing to piece his cigarette with me. I walked with him to the front. We were literally lighting the fucking cigarette when my counselor (who was also smoking) said "What are you doing here?" I said I was here for smoke break. She kicked me out for being 18 and not 21+. I was heated. I still am heated. So many people I know who are under 21 go on smoke break just because they look older or are favored. Fuck that.
Other than that, things are pretty normal around here. My music skills are increasing on the daily and it's super exciting. I love the feeling of "this is why I was born" when I create music. It's such a warm and satisfying feeling.
Signing off, love y'all, thanks for reading.
