No. Thanks... but as much as you might struggle against this- I doubt you understand.
Medicine can't currently treat what is really wrong with me. May be able to help, but due to an immune system issue I basically live in a bubble- and for one, the voices are very welcome company. Perhaps that's just my rationalizing the state of things, but it works better than "schizophrenia"... Especially since they are not threatening, but mostly calling for awareness, pointing out things, yada. And being male, a female companion (that would otherwise cause an allergic/immunological response), is kind of nice, and I miss them when they aren't there- like the time I supplemented taurine. -As well then my dreaming stopped (my memory)... so you tell me
I love dreaming. Life is a dream. They are part of me/me/my life.
Perhaps one day these possible projections will merge with a more this-level reality... I don't know. I don't know.
I do question them/myself... honestly. But this is deep. I guess, though, talking to anyone about it might bring insight. I keep forgetting that it is all just ... what I mentioned earlier- communication, movement, yada, and there is truth in everything if you look for it.
Getting back to allergies... the voices began with them/with their rise. A step- But my ex girlfriends also- their names can spell "Mask" if first letters are strung together. They also in ways I won't completely go into here, reflect my mother- to me. My first identified allergy was to
milk. Identification came only after Donna- a girl a voice told me was my wife the first night I met her. The voice "boomed" relative to any that I have heard. I understood it clearly- unlike the others which sound, well, like schizophrenia voices are said to sound. Whispers, far away. Behind a wall (not necessarily physical)... This one was unmistakable- perhaps still in "another room", but more standing at a doorway to this one. Testing as I did sometimes obsessively in ways at the time, found that if she was... my
wife- with my last name, that numerologically according to one of two ways that I calculate- her name sum would come out to 184- same as my mother's. I could go into more, but I am always missing something, it seems, when I talk.
There are so many weights. Food allergies nearly destroyed right my ear as a child (said 20s... but was effected always. Just noticed it then.).. And in 20s got my jaw realigned because thought I was suffering from a TMJ disorder. Mouth and ear. Milk allergy. Facial "pain" (more like years long torture/crucifixion). I was dating the star of the movie at the time. Alisha. Last name same as mother's maiden name- Finch. Milk. God she had the best tits.
And... we are all kind of sick anyways, but our existence depending on it- well, it cancels in ways.
Looping back around with ehhhhhhhhh (I love that. ehhhhhh. someone here with the recieving milk in bags, living in canada.. i just can't get away. ehhhhh) 23 0689 yea... I am crazy. I can't help it. I work this way. Uhh... In 2007 after finding the stuff with "Mask", after suffering for years with a facial pain that I can't describe. Try trigeminal neuralgia like symptoms caused by inflammation of the parotid gland. Trigeminal neuralgia is also known as "suicide disease". 5th Cranial nerve linked into the pons/amygdala... memories emotions.. smells.. fear. Relays. Just jotting this down. Apologies for the mess in this paragraph. Voices started then. They might be in a sense a "white noise" of sorts. My body/mind trying to make use of a burning fire. I don't know.
But where I meant to go... try not to get stuck in an 8 or 0 here... more a 6 or a 9... --Back in 2007, when I first discovered the "Mask" deal, among other things, spending all of my waking hours interpreting voices, writing in text files all day. Analyzing. Analyzing washing machines they say, listening for patterns (you know... crazy stuff
), I remember spending a lot of time on the name "Madonna". I remember I was so excited to see this pattern fulfilled- to see a fruit(s) of all of the roots that I saw before- but couldn't see above- with "Mask" and the patterns around. I was astounded. Words can't really describe the insecurity I felt over years- then met with this solidity- to me. The voice- male, similar to the booming one later, said "This is Pre-Ma-Donna". I had no idea what it meant. I didn't know what Prima Donna meant (and perhaps it was scolding me/at least challenging me in one dimension, for feeling I was some special holier than thou Christ figure). I thought it was like a time period. It felt like I hadn't seen it all- the whole picture, yet- one way I got it in regard to tone and everything around. I interpreted it as "Pre-Madonna", and the way the voice said it, often emphasizing "Ma"- separating from Donna, and how much attention I put into it at the time, analyzing every character, converting as I did (for example, by a conversion method I came up with spontaneously, the word Annunaki translated to- by conversion, "Hevunna"- Annunaki means from the heavens, apparently- so weighted again it is, even if slightly blurry), finding variations... and then years later, meeting "Ma" Donna... One really worthy that I've met- It just comes together, to me. She also goes along with "Prima Donna", in at least a sense, or two, or three.
I as many other crazies looked to the date of 12/21/2012 as something significant. I now see it as a point in time sort of like the beginning of any time period. Beginning or end. But those can be measured from anywhere, too... but this stood out, for many reasons. I don't mean to ruin any credibility. I met/ended with this Donna 203 weeks from that date. I spent only a week with her for reasons, well- compicated. 161 weeks prior, around Christmas with the last girl I was with, in that matrix of "Mask" (actually, M.), I was given a watch, that I found significant, but in a way I couldn't pin. It felt like a handcuff- how thick the band was, and at that moment, I sort of detached from her, opposing that "cuff" feeling. In chains. Yea.
I was born 203 days from the end of the year, from mother. 161 full days had passed. Mirror "Ma"-Donna. My mother and father together full name sums come to 365- the number of days in a year. Her full name is 184 which is my number 23- I was born 23 weeks into the year as well, am 23 x 2 chromosomes to begin with one from each parent, yada yada don't argue 23 please... 184 which is 23x8 or 2 to the 3rd power multiplied by 23. I met Donna 23 days into the year. We began talking around the time I was born, in a day. We entered her apartment, which she just moved into, around that time. I was born at 2203, or 203 at the head of the day (GMT/UT). This number I saw beginning with the issues in early 20s, with Alisha. Alisha also had this number around her. I don't look for it- per say. I do sometimes, but I'm usually aware when I am. 23 days remained until the declaration of independence for my country would be signed 206 bones ago at the time of my birth.
Yea. I gave up on trying to explain (I'm sorry, God- I'm resting. I'll be back.). I'm crazy. It's entertaining for me though. But painful sometimes (and other stuff). I feel I have more control than I give myself.
In the movie "Looper" year 23 he's suddenly with his wife.
Lost Charlie sees Claire and knows who she is suddenly, and the number 23 is clearly seen.
Jack is the number 23. Need a jack? Doctor jack.
The moon phase for my birth and the moon phase on my 23rd birthday can easily by most accounts of history form a "full moon" shape. Full circle. As well, this occurred at the turn of the century/millenium, with a girl with the last name Sterling- high school sweetheart. Her birth moon phase and mine can combine to form a full moon, by accounts of history (although of course varied, but as far as 360 degrees or so goes...). Silver moon. I took orange sunshine acid that night- first psychedelic. Got "lost" in/over/on her body for hours, and hers touching mine. Reflections.
Great Pyramid is 203 courses high no capstone and I like headshots (never shoot for less- for a kill) so I probably shot it in the head. That's a joke. King's Chamber is some 23 measurement within. The truth lies in 0 as well, even though they were on a different number system likely- I don't know. The future causes the past just as much as the past "causes" the future.
It's not uncommon- my dream.
If anyone knows how to inject my extracted white blood cells with individual proteins of allergens, and then inject them back into me, I will pay them a pretty penny. Then I might be able to suck some
real dicks (er I mean tits. I meant tits!).
