Jealousy is sickening

[QuasiModo]

So right now I'm coming up on month 6 of the best relationship I've ever known. Time spent with her is total bliss, I absolutely adore her presence in every way. She is smart, funny, sexy and the greatest part is she feels the same way towards me. There is a great level of respect between us, the communication is open, I have never felt like she has hidden anything from me.

The one thing which has been worrisome to me in this time we've spent is guys flirting with her. There is only one friend who she has told me is definitely flirting with her, the rest of the males giving her attention are "just friends". I don't think she will have a hard time staying true to me but the jealousy thing really kills me in social situations with her friends. A few weeks ago we spent the night with a bunch of her friends and one of them was giving lightshows, when he gave her a lightshow he caressed her cheeks in such a way that gave me a rush of adrenaline. I didn't act on my anger, I'm actually kind of regretting not saying anything then.. I've never had anger problems but lately I've been having the most violent thoughts about this kind of shit. I trust her completely but I cannot stand being disrespected, guys openly making passes at her is not acceptable to me. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I've done my absolute best trying to get over it but it nags at my thoughts constantly. I hate being around when she's with her friends because I can see them lusting for her in their eyes, I hate not being around because I wonder how much more aggressive they are when I'm not there.

I obviously know violence is no answer to this.. But I'm really clueless as to what I should/can do. I mean in general I've accepted that there really is nothing I can do to change the way things are going to play out, this has helped me feel less anxious recently. But I can't help but wonder if I leave these boys be without confronting them about it nothing will change. I can't stand for being disrespected any longer, I refuse to.. I don't really feel like bringing up things that have happened in the past to these kids.. And I call them kids because these boys are much younger than me. But if it happens again I don't know how much control I'll have, especially if I'm faded....

What do SLR?

 

[djep]

This is easier said than done. - BACK RIGHT OFF WITH DOING ANYTHING PHYSICAL WITH ANY OF THE FLIRTERS OR EVEN ARGUING WITH YOUR GIRL IN A SOCIAL SETTING- Sorry for the caps but I had to shout! If you do anything along those lines you'll lose her forever.

What you need to do is try and appreciate the attention that your girl gets from other men and stroke your ego with the fact she is yours, you'll take her home and you'll be the one that gets the benefits of her arousal from all the attention she gets. Most people like to be noticed for their beauty or strapping looks, female or male.

Your jealousy is an immature and insecure reflection of what you think of yourself. Your girl is enjoying what she does and the interest she generates, go with it, be proud of it and make the most of it, she will appreciate you being by her side with it all rather than creating a schoolkid type scene and making her feel embarrassed of you. She isn't doing what she does to get you to stirred up so she can watch a fight or start an argument. Think of it this way, if you were to flirt, tease, play with a girls cheeks adoringly and then some other guy took her home how would you feel?

I've been forthright with this response as I feel that is what you need, I am not attacking you personally.

Good luck.

 

[snafu]

This is easier said than done. - BACK RIGHT OFF WITH DOING ANYTHING PHYSICAL WITH ANY OF THE FLIRTERS OR EVEN ARGUING WITH YOUR GIRL IN A SOCIAL SETTING- Sorry for the caps but I had to shout! If you do anything along those lines you'll lose her forever.

What you need to do is try and appreciate the attention that your girl gets from other men and stroke your ego with the fact she is yours, you'll take her home and you'll be the one that gets the benefits of her arousal from all the attention she gets. Most people like to be noticed for their beauty or strapping looks, female or male.

Your jealousy is an immature and insecure reflection of what you think of yourself. Your girl is enjoying what she does and the interest she generates, go with it, be proud of it and make the most of it, she will appreciate you being by her side with it all rather than creating a schoolkid type scene and making her feel embarrassed of you. She isn't doing what she does to get you to stirred up so she can watch a fight or start an argument.

I've been forthright with this response as I feel that is what you need, I am not attacking you personally.

Good luck.

Yep, just try not to take it offensively when you see her talking to other guys. She has A right to talk to them just like you have a right to talk to any girl. Imo, jealously builds because of a lack of trust. If you trust your girl with your whole heart and mind then you shouldn't be worried about her flirting with someone else because you'll know that nothing will come of it.

 

[Busty St Clare]

You just have to ask yourself why is she with you? Some girls love attention, but as long as she is able to pick up when a guy is trying to cross a fine line and not be afraid to hurt their feelings when they do, you have nothing to worry about. If you are still worried all you really have to do is urinate on her leg once or twice during the course of the evening.

Most guys who give light shows are gay any way.

 

[QuasiModo]

If you are still worried all you really have to do is urinate on her leg once or twice during the course of the evening.

LOL.. that is hilarious. Yeah I'm really disconcerned with the worry of her cheating, I dont think it will happen. We share something really special and I trust her.. I'm not so much worried about anything as I am sick with jealous rage. I feel like jealousy is the wrong word even because there is zero chance of these boys getting anywhere with her.. I just feel a massive amount of disrespect, I've told her if it happens again there is a high probability of me snapping. It makes me feel awkward when I'm with them in groups, then again it usually takes me a minute to warm up to new friends and it's only about half the people I attempt to connect with I don't end up feeling disdain for anyways. I know my impulses are immature as fuck.. I don't care though I feel like it's the only thing that can truly make me feel better about the situation.

 

[double ewe]

you need to tell these guys to fuck off or they'll keep disrespecting you. no need to make anything physical - a firm but calm "that's my girlfriend, have some respect" should make it clear you're not going to put up with it anymore.

 

[jazz hands]

I think it really depends on the type of relationship you have with the girl. I'd personally expect that the girl not be too receptive to a guy's advances if she's around me. If we're out together, we're not two seperate people-- we're together. I'll be cognizant of her feelings and she should be cognizant of mine.

In this type of relationship, flirting is pretty harmless as long as it's tame, but physical contact is a bit of a different story, especially touching the face. I think you have to project a calm, confident, "that's my girl you're touching" vibe if something like this happens. It's crucial that your girl really doesn't want the attention in this case, though.

 

[Changed]

being jealous is pointless: appreciate that you have something that others want, and trust that she'll not reciprocate other people's actions-- if you cannot trust her enough when she's surrounded by strangers, your relationship isn't as great as you think it is...

 

[double ewe]

being jealous is pointless: appreciate that you have something that others want, and trust that she'll not reciprocate other people's actions-- if you cannot trust her enough when she's surrounded by strangers, your relationship isn't as great as you think it is...

if a guy is hitting on your girlfriend in front of you, knowing she's your girlfriend, it's an issue of respect rather than trust. these aren't just strangers in a bar making a pass - they're her "friends" who know full well she's in a relationship. i could see an argument that letting people disrespect you is worth it if it prevents a conflict, but i don't think wanting to stand up for yourself is indicative of insecurity or a problem in the relationship.

 

[paranoid android]

Stop being so uptight about it. So it seems like you have a good looking girl friend that guys would love to be with? I don't really see the problem here. Be grateful that you have a g/f like that and the fact that she will be going home with you not them. Now if a guy does get out of line just be assertive but not a asshole. Don't go glass some guy just because he's talking to your g/f cause it makes you look like a fucking asshole to everyone. You can assert your presence and make it known that your her b/f without being a cunt about it.

 

[jazz hands]

Now if a guy does get out of line just be assertive but not a asshole. Don't go glass some guy just because he's talking to your g/f cause it makes you look like a fucking asshole to everyone. You can assert your presence and make it known that your her b/f without being a cunt about it.

Well said.

if a guy is hitting on your girlfriend in front of you, knowing she's your girlfriend, it's an issue of respect rather than trust. these aren't just strangers in a bar making a pass - they're her "friends" who know full well she's in a relationship. i could see an argument that letting people disrespect you is worth it if it prevents a conflict, but i don't think wanting to stand up for yourself is indicative of insecurity or a problem in the relationship.

If it's disrespectful, intervening is definitely warranted. I think the key thing to focus on is whether or not it is actually disrespectful in the given situation.

 

[double ewe]

^yeah i definitely agree. it doesn't bother me at all if i see a random guy trying to talk to my gf - like many have said, it's flattering (and you certainly don't want the kind of girl that no one else is interested in). but if she has a male friend who refuses to back off (especially if they're getting a little touch-y) it becomes a very different issue.

and going in calm and strong, rather than angry and violent, is definitely the key to handling it well. girls don't want you to make a scene, but are often appreciative when you assert yourself and stand up for them.

 

[GenericMind]

Am I the only one that thinks some random dude caressing your girlfriend's cheek in front of you is crossing the line?

 

[QuasiModo]

Am I the only one that thinks some random dude caressing your girlfriend's cheek in front of you is crossing the line?

No I know for an absolute fact that it's crossing the line. At that moment I couldn't think of anything to do other than punching him in the cheekbone.. So I did nothing because violence wouldnt solve a damn thing and probably would have made me look like a big faggot. Its good to know my feelings are validated by others, I won't let something like that slide again. I'll handle any disrespect in the future with a calm, assertive mouthful.... And after that I'll beat the fuck out of them if it doesn't end right then and there.

Also just know that my girl has never reciprocated any advances since having been with me and I do trust her. The anger I feel is one from a place of feeling disrespected, I shouldn't have to put up with that shit when I've made every attempt to be cool with these guys.. Or really just the one guy, the other guy friends only wrongdoing is being her friend, which isn't wrong at all....

 

[Wonka]

Got to solve the proplem your self honostly yall should know to fix it on your own. ^Agreed some dude touching my girl friends cheeks will only get worse.

 

[Monkeybizness]

As a girl I feel the only one that should put that Guy in his place is her. Jealousy is a normal feeling you just need to deal with it appropriately, put it like this would she feel comfortable if you had an attractive female friend being friendly with you? Not really I bet!.. if he was her "real " friend he would really respect her and you and not cross any lines.but it sounds like he's interested and only she can solve the issue with out you looking like a jealous boyfriend

 

[rangrz]

I'll handle any disrespect in the future with a calm, assertive mouthful.... And after that I'll beat the fuck out of them if it doesn't end right then and there.

Or possibly you'll have the living shit beaten out of you instead.
As well as possibly enjoy some free housing and food with the bill footed by The State of California.

In a perfect world, both.

 

[Busty St Clare]

Am I the only one that thinks some random dude caressing your girlfriend's cheek in front of you is crossing the line?

Not at all. He could always offer to give the guy a face carress himself and if he gets weirded out by it just whisper in his ear "Then fucking back off sunshine".

This thread just reminds me that the Mrs has a xmas party with all her new work colleagues next week. I'm not going to walk around looking to fight like an angry alpha dog but I'll definately make it known that she is my lady and she is more than taken. Just leaving my scent, literal urinating if I have to.

 

[paranoid android]

Am I the only one that thinks some random dude caressing your girlfriend's cheek in front of you is crossing the line?

Yeah if it's a random dude then yeah that would be crossing the line. That's different then say if it was a friend of hers or whatever. So it would definitely warrant telling him to back off. If he get's all uppity and pushes it to a physical confrontation you then have the right to knock his fucking lights out. Granted you can fight better then the other guy mind you

It's just the guys that get pissy where you even look at their g/f that really get me. If they are that insecure you should really rethink being in that relationship.

 

[neoblazing]

OP you have a right to be angry but don't turn violent instead whenever one of this guys walk up to her and start trying anything go and give a kiss or cuddle up behind her see how long they hang around my wife had friends of hers doing the same thing all I did was as I said and all of a sudden they backed off because they realize you do notice and by showing a non possessive but firm stance you give them the hint. Although it sounds like your gf needs to tell them herself to back off as not only are they disrespecting you but so is she but not putting a stop to it, there is no place for this sort of behavior in a relationship.