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Jealous Girlfriend

KavemanCam said:
Co-dependency is opinion based on whether its good or bad and I concur that it brings two people closer together my friend.
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I agree that there is a healthy balance, my relationship turned into co-dependancy and almost got toxic and it almost caused us to loose each other from loving each other too much... we had to teach ourselves to give each other space and time and while we are one person we are also two seperate beings..
 
If a woman says shes not good enough for you thats a bad sign. If she thinks your gonna do something, she will probly end up doing it. For gods sake dont marry her and enlist at the same time. Ive had many friends get married right before enlisting or shipping off. I have also dated woman in mid-divorce to a guy in the service. Yeah you can call me scum, but Im just keeping it real. When she says shes not good enough, she might be implying maybe its not meant to be you know. Also as a rule of thumb dont marry your high school sweet heart. Why in the fuck did you delete your female friends numbers. It kinda sounds like she is cheating. If thats the case you will need these women to console you and to have sex with.
 
dopemaster said:
If a woman says shes not good enough for you thats a bad sign.
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Not necessarily. The genders were reversed but my ex used to say that to me all the time at the beginning of our relationship and I just took it as a compliment. I don't think he meant anything else by it since it still lasted a really long time. It can be a bad sign but don't jump to conclusions.

I agree with you about the not marrying just before enlisting thing. You shouldn't marry just to reassure yourself that your partner will stay faithful while you're away (sorry if that wasn't the idea but I'm sure it is in a lot of similar cases). And why would you want a marriage to start off like that? Better to see if your partner is faithful/can deal with it without such a commitment as marriage, and then maybe discuss it once you're back.
 
Right, I really am trying to be her wall. I'm trying to be strong for her. Marriage is not something anywhere near my mind. She's been going to the gym a lot lately and she has a 40 hour a week job, so we don't spend a lot of time with each other. She has friends, just not loyal ones. She really surrounds herself with shitty people of you ask me, but I know I can't make decisions for her. I want her to be happy in any way possible. If that means me, great, if not I can learn to accept that. Our biggest problem at this point is I get pissed at her because she is constantly trying to find faults in me, such as lies... She will twist my words. I feel like she does this because she WANTS to be wrong about me. But I do nothing to prove her suspicions wrong. Then she constantly gets on to me for doing certain illegal things, I'm glad this shows concern for my well being, but she does these exact same things herself. Then I when I point this out she gets defensive, we get into am arguement and she says she doesn't want to talk til "tomorrow"... Obviously this isn't healthy. She never waits til the next day... I usually have to wait til she either 1) finds benzos or pks and then explains to me her sorrow toward the situation or 2) she waits hours and then will finally send me a text saying "I love you". I don't know what to do during these times of silence. Out of respect for her, I do what she says and I stop talking to her. But I feel communication is lacking and that's the most important part of a relationship. I just don't know what I should do in these situations, please suggestions...
 
So apparently I found the right words... Although she was vindictive and shitty toward me, I kept calm and keep reiterating my feelings toward her. After awhile she calmed down and now she's all happy and we're going to have a date tonight and just enjoy each others company. It's really hard to be with an insecure person, especially when you think they're the world.
 
I think the main problem is that you have been dating her since before you hit puberty. It would be hard to let that go because you must have spent so much time thinking about her. Its like you got grade school married. She sounds like shes cheating. Also that shit about her not wanting to be around you when you trip, well its not like your smoking crack. Im being pretty blunt, but Im saying shes clingy, controlling, and insecure. Those are established. Im guessing shes cheating and well if you get in a long distance relationship, one of you will definetly cheat. I remember going to college and meeting girls who had a bf back home. That shit last like a week to month usually. Sometimes a couple days and sometimes a semester or the girl went home. Oh yeah you really should look up CO-DEPENDENCE. Its really unhealthy and probly happening. I do wish you the best, but Im saying since your asking for advice I say you go about things eyes open. Also Im pretty sure if you were away from her for a while you would probly end up with another woman. So go ahead and put your relationship to the test and long distance it. It will be the easiest way to break up anyways. If you stay in town for this woman you better be SURE thats what you want cuz you are only 18-20 or whatever age you are once.
 
KavemanCam said:
Co-dependency is opinion based on whether its good or bad and I concur that it brings two people closer together my friend.
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Codependency sounds terrible. I am very close with my boyfriend but I am still my own person. I would never want to lose that part of me.

This sounds like a messed up relationship on so many levels. But you live and learn. Nothing we can say is going to change your mind. You'll figure it out eventually.
 
We're independent people... A relationship inquires a dependency on each other for emotional support. That's what I mean by we are co-dependent... It's healthy. Now the way she treats me and I keep coming back is probably not healthy. She is worth the trouble in my eyes. She is talking about doing coke, heroin, or meth regularly (when she's never done these things) just to lose weight. She knows I've tried all three (even IV) and I don't do them any more because I don't condone them. I'm not the type of person to limit someone's use of anything, or really restrict anyone from doing whatever it is that they want. I will break up with her of she starts doing speed all the time, but if she starts doing heroin to lose weight, I'm afraid that's not all she'll lose. I hope she's really just trying to find something to upset me because I'm the most understanding, experience-based mistake made person ever. I truly believe the only knowledge we can be sire is true through personal experience and she will learn the hard way. Even if she goes through with the drugs, I'm sure I'll stay around because I honestly love her, and I want to be there to catch her when she falls. She's not the best person, but she's best for me, even if it means misery for me.
 
KavemanCam said:
We're independent people... A relationship inquires a dependency on each other for emotional support. That's what I mean by we are co-dependent... It's healthy.
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Co-dependency is anything but healthy. I'm not sure what you're asking for but we're not going to lie to you here and reassure you. She sounds like a narcissist and you sound like a victim.

What's healthy about this?

She's not the best person, but she's best for me, even if it means misery for me.
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KavemanCam said:
Hello. I've been on again off again with the same girl since the 5th grade. I am now 21 years old. My girlfriend and I generally always get along until she is either really drunk or on benzos. She starts arguments about girls that I text that I've been friends with just as long as her. When I invite them over I have to be sure that they are accompanied by their boyfriends... She still Will start arguments and say that she thinks I like these girls... So I recently deleted every girl in my phone aside from my mom. She now has most recently been getting upset because I am going to the marines (it was either that or 18 months of probation and a felony). It's not just that she won't see me. She says she can stay loyal and she knows I can too but she always hits me with the "I'm not good enough for you" and it breaks my heart because she is my everything. I love her more than life itself, and we keep getting into arguments because she believes I'm going to leave her for "someone better", I'm sorry ladies, but I don't believe there is someone better. Her personality, her smile, her scent, her eyes, her voice, her hair, her legs.... Fuck everything about her turns me on. And we have the most passionate love making I've ever had. I don't ever want to lose her and I don't know what to do to ease her mind. I constantly remind her why I'm still with her and I never get sick of it but she just argues that I'm wrong and crazy and it makes me so pissed... Are there any suggestions? Please dont say leave her, that's not an option.
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I know this sort of person very well, for i am one. She get's like this because she has trust issues and is insecure in herself, perhaps she also doesn't think she's a great person. What you need to do is let her know that you know her like the back of your hand and you still love her regardless. Remind her that if you didn't love her for who she really is then you would have broken it off already. Let her know how happy she makes you. Let her know you wouldn't trade her for the world.

Fyi if you go into the military and then buy her a ring, she can live on base with you - for free :)

Just take it one day at a time bro, try to be supportive and considerate but don't be get too lax on her being controlling. Put her in her place if need be. She sounds like a delicate girl so be handle with care.
 
It sounds like a relationship that is dead, but still in your living room. Kind of like taking a dead pet to a taxidermist cuz it was good a long time ago, but now its dead and rotting.
 
So for everyone to know. We finally came to an understanding this morning. She doesn't want to be in a relationship. She said she loves me and cares about me, but not the same way I do about her. Honestly, I knew this was the case but I chose not to accept it because I am madly in love with this girl. She has some real problems that she needs to workout. Taking 10mg of xanax and kpins or 50mg of Oxy or hydro, just to as she puts it "deal with the stress and pain of her life" or to "control her emotions", daily, obviously isn't healthy. Then she bashes me for my shamanic ways, calling me crazy and stupid for believing in such "non-sense" and how doing psychedelix is "dumb" when she's never even tried them before. Then tells me to Fuck off... 2 hours later she's texting me like nothing just happened. I'm going to stay single a long while I feel like. I need a more open minded girl, won't bash me. Who won't hurt my feelings or judge me. I don't need this abuse. I'll keep you posted if anything further happens. But at this point, I think its done.
 
Well this could be a blessing in disguise. You're young and need to get to know yourself, find out who you are before settling down. That doesn't mean you have to completely lose contact with her. You can still talk and write once you go into the military if you choose to. You might even meet someone else further down the road a bit. Right now concentrate on yourself and future goals.
 
I feel for you man and judging by the way you loved and treated her you will make a woman real happy someday. Do yourself a favor and enjoy being single for a while..
 
T. Calderone said:
Well this could be a blessing in disguise. You're young and need to get to know yourself, find out who you are before settling down. That doesn't mean you have to completely lose contact with her. You can still talk and write once you go into the military if you choose to. You might even meet someone else further down the road a bit. Right now concentrate on yourself and future goals.
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Totally. As hurt as I've been from breakups, it was better in the end. There's one in particular where I swear I dodged a bullet. Lol

As you say, you don't have to lose all contact either. I get a "hey what's up" from a few ex-boyfriends. We have lunch sometimes even though there is nothing romantic there. One of them is actually my emergency contact if anything happens. He's helped me out when I had no one else.

If she's contacting you like nothing happened, I would back off for a while though so you don't give her the wrong impression.
 
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