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January 2017 Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Goodbye Holidaze, Hello 2017!

so been working on my 9th step, where i have to go and make direct amends to the people whom i've harmed. most of the amends that i have to make are in alabama, so been discussing this with my sponsor. he wants me to pretty much write a letter to my mother, step father, sister, dad and brother, and in each letter i'm to write where i was wrong to them.
i havn't spoke with my family in a while now, don't know whats going on with that. hell on facebook i post my accomplishments like '5 months sober', and get likes from all of my friends,. just none from any of my family(and they are on my friends list).
so that has me thinking an awfuly lot, every night i have to surrender those thoughts of my family over to my creator, this occurs daily.
i'm also nearing the end of my stay at the treatment center that i'm at, and will be going into the 'office' once i '12-step', meaning i will be getting paid something like $75 a week,(rent and food free), and i will become a peer mentor at the recovery place, giving back what was freely given to me.
i figure if i did that for 3 months then i will have developed a more stable ground to when i do go on life-on-life then i will know more about myself, because i have to keep in mind that where ever i go, i take myself with me.
so thats where i'm at in my recovery today, i will be going to an AA meeting tonight, and going back to the 'hab' for a nice warm shower and some seep, and thank my god for another day sober. :)
 
^ That's honestly really awesome. I'm sorry reaching out to your family is so difficult; I hope that you can eventually forge a healthy relationship with them because a positive family force in your life is really important in my opinion. I hope you can find some peace in writing those letters.

Question for the thread: When becoming sober do you feel like you've lost your other natural coping skills? I used to meditate, exercise and play music and such a lot more before I became sober in order to cope with depression. Now I am finding it near impossible to motivate myself to engage in those, I feel mentally exhausted quite a bit and this is discouraging because I know it'll help but I'm definitely struggling to engage in healthy behavior. Mainly just trying to keep myself distracted from these thoughts by being online and listening to music. I'm only 10 days sober currently.
 
Nice work everyone!

I've managed to not drink all month so that's something good going for me.

Re: Step 9: I never got past it. It's the not knowing how I have harmed others that gets me every time. It's not that I can't empathize or understand other's feelings of harm I have done to them, it's that I can't ever be 100% sure even if I ask them. Sometimes they don't even know. Addiction is complicated and for me to expect others (especially non addicts) to understand the fine points of this mental state and then understand my apology seems ludicrous at times.

I guess I'm doing ok.
 
D's said:
so been working on my 9th step, where i have to go and make direct amends to the people whom i've harmed. most of the amends that i have to make are in alabama, so been discussing this with my sponsor. he wants me to pretty much write a letter to my mother, step father, sister, dad and brother, and in each letter i'm to write where i was wrong to them.
i havn't spoke with my family in a while now, don't know whats going on with that. hell on facebook i post my accomplishments like '5 months sober', and get likes from all of my friends,. just none from any of my family(and they are on my friends list).
so that has me thinking an awfuly lot, every night i have to surrender those thoughts of my family over to my creator, this occurs daily.
i'm also nearing the end of my stay at the treatment center that i'm at, and will be going into the 'office' once i '12-step', meaning i will be getting paid something like $75 a week,(rent and food free), and i will become a peer mentor at the recovery place, giving back what was freely given to me.
i figure if i did that for 3 months then i will have developed a more stable ground to when i do go on life-on-life then i will know more about myself, because i have to keep in mind that where ever i go, i take myself with me.
so thats where i'm at in my recovery today, i will be going to an AA meeting tonight, and going back to the 'hab' for a nice warm shower and some seep, and thank my god for another day sober. :)
Click to expand...

congrats on your recovery
 
badfish45 said:
...
Question for the thread: When becoming sober do you feel like you've lost your other natural coping skills? I used to meditate, exercise and play music and such a lot more before I became sober in order to cope with depression. Now I am finding it near impossible to motivate myself to engage in those, I feel mentally exhausted quite a bit and this is discouraging because I know it'll help but I'm definitely struggling to engage in healthy behavior. Mainly just trying to keep myself distracted from these thoughts by being online and listening to music. I'm only 10 days sober currently.
Click to expand...

YES! I have found that many of my old tricks are pretty meager these days. Personally, I try to keep my expectations realistic... now that I know that my old coping mechanisms aren't great, I am simply trying to get a bit more zen about my own discomfort and acknowledge it when it's there, just letting it happen while trying not to get too upset about it. Meanwhile I do keep trying old tricks. I assume they'll work again eventually!
 
Badfish: I am on day 10 today, and I feel like you do... I do not use my "regular" coping skills. I am too tired... I watch Netflix, and browse BL mainly, at this time. I need to start walking again, but it has been too cold. Maybe tomorrow.....
 
Bundle up! I always love getting all layered and going for a nice long stroll. Do you have access to any dogs? Dogs do like going for walks.

Walking through the snow covered woods with a pretty girl and her dog was one of my favorite things about Boston. Happy memories.
 
My friend really encouraged me to make those things a priority. And he's right! Take it easy on yourself since you're recovering but also push yourself to get back into those healthy habits, it's crucial to recovering. Thanks for your replies guys :)

Also just saw a really bad accident on the way home. Saw a person being taken away in a stretcher. Not to minimize what anyone is going through but really puts things in perspective. Any moment you don't find yourself in a situation like that is quite simply a blessing.

Drive safe, take care of yourselves and be gracious for the good around you. I have many reasons to be disappointed today but even more to be grateful for
 
badfish45 said:
Question for the thread: When becoming sober do you feel like you've lost your other natural coping skills? I used to meditate, exercise and play music and such a lot more before I became sober in order to cope with depression. Now I am finding it near impossible to motivate myself to engage in those, I feel mentally exhausted quite a bit and this is discouraging because I know it'll help but I'm definitely struggling to engage in healthy behavior. Mainly just trying to keep myself distracted from these thoughts by being online and listening to music. I'm only 10 days sober currently.
Click to expand...

when i was out there in the 'madness' the only coping skills i had was where i was going to find the way to get 'another one in me', I was homeless, sleeping in the streets(well really behind dumpsters,under awnings, under a bush), so I didn't have the tools I have today, which is a strong support group, my sponsor (whom i love dearly for guiding me), the 12 steps of AA, and the felowship of AA.

I'm still pretty early in recovery myself, and I'm noticing that more and more of my friends are passing away because of this disease. someone whom i've shaven hands with and the chick had 6+ years sober went back out this last week and died.
So everyday I have to thank of those that came before me, and decided to go back out, it shows me that 'it is out there taking lifes'.

----
Today, I'm doing everything I can to stay sober, I go AA meetings daily, I work with my sponsor, I work with other alcoholics, and I work an honest program. I did a honest 4th & 5th step, because today I do not want to go back to the life I was living.

I relies that today if I don't drink, or dont shoot dope, then I wont get high and drunk.
 
D's said:
when i was out there in the 'madness' the only coping skills i had was where i was going to find the way to get 'another one in me', I was homeless, sleeping in the streets(well really behind dumpsters,under awnings, under a bush), so I didn't have the tools I have today, which is a strong support group, my sponsor (whom i love dearly for guiding me), the 12 steps of AA, and the felowship of AA.

I'm still pretty early in recovery myself, and I'm noticing that more and more of my friends are passing away because of this disease. someone whom i've shaven hands with and the chick had 6+ years sober went back out this last week and died.
So everyday I have to thank of those that came before me, and decided to go back out, it shows me that 'it is out there taking lifes'.

----
Today, I'm doing everything I can to stay sober, I go AA meetings daily, I work with my sponsor, I work with other alcoholics, and I work an honest program. I did a honest 4th & 5th step, because today I do not want to go back to the life I was living.

I relies that today if I don't drink, or dont shoot dope, then I wont get high and drunk.
Click to expand...

"Lives"; "realize"
 
toothpastedog said:
Bundle up! I always love getting all layered and going for a nice long stroll. Do you have access to any dogs? Dogs do like going for walks.

Walking through the snow covered woods with a pretty girl and her dog was one of my favorite things about Boston. Happy memories.
Click to expand...

Layering works. :)
 
Wow, it just started snowing like crazy outside...right on cue as my dog starts demanding his morning walk. Well, at least it's real purty out.
 
It's been gray, chilly and drizzly here in Orlando. I don't mind it though; it reminds me of fall in Chicago where I went to undergrad. I experienced the same thing last night. I noticed a break in the rain and rousted the dog to make her go outside during the brief lull. She won't go if it's raining and she never would have made it until morning.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
"Lives"; "realize"
Click to expand...

you know, there was a time in my life where i would purposely have more dope and more alcohol then needed. i was trying to kill myself, and not knowing it. all i wanted to do was to not feel sick anymore, and in all reality i was seriously trying to kill myself.
i see it now after being sober for sometime and looking back. the shit i was putting in my body.

I got some good news today (like 30mins ago) that a friend of mine is checking himself into the detox facility here and I am super excited!! I would pray for him before each meeting that he would return,. Just like someone prayed for me. I can never forget that.

-----

I have made a total of 5 Amends, and I still have quite a few to go,
today i am making a deep and personal commitment to my friends and family on bluelight that I will not take a drink or drug today.
 
Nice work D's, keep it up! <3

Are you doing anything nice (small, but meaningful to you) for yourself upon accomplishing your daily goals related to this stuff? Finding ways of creating positive, healthy and sustainable small reinforcements (could be as simple as a hot cocoa before bed, or treating yourself to the time it takes to listen through your favorite album in the evening) is super helpful. Creativity is of course required, but it's a great practice :)
 
toothpastedog said:
Nice work D's, keep it up! <3

Are you doing anything nice (small, but meaningful to you) for yourself upon accomplishing your daily goals related to this stuff? Finding ways of creating positive, healthy and sustainable small reinforcements (could be as simple as a hot cocoa before bed, or treating yourself to the time it takes to listen through your favorite album in the evening) is super helpful. Creativity is of course required, but it's a great practice :)
Click to expand...

I keep a journal and every night before I go to sleep I record in it if theres anything I did that day where I was upset, or acted out in some type of way. I meditate when I wake up, thinking about my day, and what I can do that day to help me stay sober.(step work, etc), I chair AA meetings, I read at meetings, I speak at meetings, I pray, I pray, and I pray even more. I listen to new comers, I respect the program and don't speak on 'outside issues' (like trump&hilary debate,i hate that shit in meetings) I hold myself, and my brothers and sisters accountable, I work in a cloths closet and I dress up even the roughest looking trash cans in newly used cloths.
There's a lot I do each day, after all, it's what I put in to it, if I expect to see any results. :)
 
Sounds like you've been busy. That actually sounds like a lot of work, which isn't necessarily a bad thing ;)

I meant more along the lines of, is there anything you are doing simply for the sake of yourself?

Service work certainly can be pleasing and helping others if often joyful, but I'm thinking more along the lines of something small you take the time to do just for yourself. Something perhaps that you could turn into something you do for yourself on a regular basic regardless of the people, places and things that particular day may bring.

Thank you for voicing your experiences here D's. I am always happy to hear from people who are able to get past all the shit I can't seem to tolerate about twelve step meetings and benefit from them, like the way you and [mention]simco[/mention] have been. Dare I say, sometimes I even feel a bit envious, but then again I do love what I have found for myself :)
 
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