I've been in a car collision from me being stupid

[Depressicaa]

I'm posting this here since the context might be better and this seems in the gestalt of psychedelics. Trip reports maybe, I was going to put it in homeless, but unfortunately those are in limbo for long periods of time so I decided to throw it here.

I would love to see your responses, look me an idiot, see my mistake laugh maybe insult me creatively, I'm gonna love every response, shower me with attention!

Previous to this:
Klonopin + Xanax + GABA induced 4 hour sleep
Partied and took Adderall during for the night
Crashed for 8 hours
Woke up, took 2CE and had a useless trip. I tried to get something out there, and I did manage to insult someone on IRC, then jokingly remarked about the risk factors or me driving not expecting (hahaha) to hit anything. Someone called me and I decided to go. Told my cousin the same thing and I would be going over soon, very funny that I told him [SPOILERS I DIE].

We met up, and because he wanted to learn to play a trading card game I taught him. Later I drove him back, talking about how awful the road was and how incredibly hard it was to see today. I left him, and then on the freeway I thought my speed was alright, then I slid pretty fucking hard, tried to slam the brakes like I'm not supposed to, going to have to google for what to do in these situations, and hit it hard enough to hit the side of the expressway. The airbags didn't explode out and I walked out pretty calm and my heartrate didn't even change. It was so surreal that its almost that it didn't happen besides the front is now totally fucking gone. I drove to my father's house and my sister offered me chicken soup, the irony! I never eat, she never cooks, and here we have chicken soup for the crash survivor! Please smile, it would make my day.

Just a little thought, should I be happy that I don't have to replace the airbags or should I be horrified that they did not explode? I would imagine that they would have to be fault if the entire bumper came off, but they didn't impact. I didn't even get whiplash or much of... anything. In terms of crashing it was as benign as possible.

One thing I do know is that I don't want to drive when it is raining anymore (especially night times!), and I will avoid it as much as possible. I can miss a schoolday but I can't miss a day in my life, because nothing really comes after I miss that day. I'm sure it will, but I won't be able to partake!

I don't know if it was due to the 2CE or the klonopin that I was so calm. Maybe even Dexedrine? Maybe it wasn't even drugs and I am just that kind of person. Its nice to know that you can learn from your mistakes, before the mistake becomes great enough that you can't. Right now I'm taking more 2CE and Adderall and Dexedrine so I can throw more shit my way and avoid accidents like something today, y'know learn. My entire life is irony, and I will never have enough knowledge, and my death will be ironic as well in the strongest and funniest ways possible.

Its very possible to die everyday from various activities. I'm horrified I wasn't a better learned driver, very happy it happened so that I could learn from it, and the fact that I will become a better person, even if it does mean being the asshole who doesn't drive fast enough or refuses to take risks for odd reasons, but choose to partake in equally dangerous activities.

I knew I had ADD. My doctors told me I have ADD. I guess I really do, and this crash made me happy, glad I didn't hurt anyone else, or me. It was a sudden jolt of excitement, I suppose I'll have to seek out the "OH SHIT" feeling so that I don't have to repeat a cycle of crashing cars to get my fix. The doctors think its Adderall/Dexedrine that will do it, its lost its fun for me. I can take more, but I'll just end up feeling like I want more. Would be so nice to turn it into something constructive, I always liked business.

Life is just a series of experiences, but I think when we call something an experience, it is profound and deeply impacting. My life didn't flash before me, and I doubt I have ever had an ego death simply because this would have been the perfect compliment to my day with 2CE. Its opened my eyes, but its more like hey who is gonna clean your room when you die asshole? Who will find all your dirty secrets and kill you if they could? Where would your drugs go to? I can't imagine not being able to shit anymore even though I hate needing to. Of course I can write these things being alive as well. I really like 2CE. If it was easier to procure I would take it daily, and never look back on Adderall or Dexedrine. Had I a source for a large amount of this I would take around 5mg since I can't scale it for shit, and enjoy my ADD treatment.

The most important thing?
And a stupid grin on my face as everyone asked me if I was alright. Yes, I will make it alright.

 

[swilow]

I'm not sure what you're talking about here, but this made me laugh:

"I can't imagine not being able to shit anymore even though I hate needing to...."

:D

 

[Depressicaa]

Thank you! :D I am crazy, but at least I brightened up your day!

Would you say there is something wrong with this thread? Something I could change to make it a better thread persay? I hope that you don't suggest they merge it, if not for the sake of it being a car crash at least for me to be happy!

Does this belong more in drug culture? I'm still on 2CE and my prescribed amphetamines. I just thought that I would post noticing that you posted and giving me a reason to say something.

If a mod would voice their opinions, that would be great, I am after all too stupid to mod myself.

 

[Solipsis]

For a minute there I thought you said you had a stupid girl on your face. :D

Why should a mod voice their opinion? No offense to the guys who became one after me or already were one
before I came along but they are chosen to fit the job of keeping the PD sanctuary tidy and having a thing for
psychedelics.
It doesn't make them a demigod even though it's sometimes fun to jokingly run around like a pack of santa's little
helpers with an authority complex.
All this stuff talking about modding is somehow neither here nor there, I loved doing it but I dislike misplaced iconization.

For complex scientific dope questions go to ADD. For great insight in psychedelic drugs, the great variety and the nature of the experience PD mods are indeed a veritably pleasant type of breed. But they can't do your taxes or tell you what life means or be guaranteed to help you with your psychological issues.

Still, feel free to ask them, ask anyone else as well and be open to what people say that makes the most sense to you, that's all that is ever important. Regardless if the guy saying it has 3 posts and his name is karatedonkey.

About your threads / posts, you sound lost but I wonder about what it is you feel lost from. Metaphorically speaking if you are just roaming the world the line between lost and free gets blurry. Looking back at myself 3 or 4 years ago I had been into meditation, mysticism and tripping so hard for a while my mind was just roaming all the time and my body seemed like a mere vessel.
It took me a while to see that my ideal didn't lie in some enlightenment far far out there but that I needed to integrate it with functional, steady life. I still can't manage that very well but I am formulating clear goals and ambitions, what helps is to calm down a little and protect myself from exposure to too much madness, I had to reduce my tripping to near zero - took a while though, to feel done with it at least temporarily.

My condition is not easily put into one diagnosis although my test results where a little all over the place and not typical. It's hard for people to help you guide even a bit when ADD leans heavy on you unless they have it themselves or are professional psychologists (and even then...).
One thing is it depends how much you have it, a friend of mine is about 90% unfit for work due to his ADD, luckily the last time I came over he was happy enough just bouncing around with it but I think he has enough difficulties. I could relate to his line of thinking because it came close to my own hyperassociation, but I generally become deadly tired after 40 minutes of riding on his train of thought.
It's like: hyperassociation is nice and can help with creativity but if there is too much you can never stay on one subject for long enough to make something of it and realize that.

My being helpful to you is probably very limited but I get where you're coming from, if ever so vaguely and remotely.

 

[Depressicaa]

Stupid girl, make his comment come to life!

Did that appeal to you?

Hey everyone, come post, anything would be awesome, make me feel better about having a big bill, let me have a big topic so I can at least give it some awesome meaningful attribute, or at least be social online.

 

[Solipsis]

If a girl is on my face I don't care if she's smart as hell or dumber than a bag of hammers, if she's smart I can't myself intelligible anyway and if she's dumb it seems more likely she's got her talent sitting in the other end.

 

[Depressicaa]

I'm glad I am alive, otherwise I couldn't post this in response!

 

[RainbowWarrior]

Damn... Please don't drive while tripping again... it makes me sad to see how, only because you are miserable yourself, you don't give a shit about risking the lifes of others...

i would show you some empathy but i just can't... this thread makes me sad! it's exactly what psychedelics are not about...

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey, thanks for sharing. Sounds like a wake-up call, or like it could be. Really, driving on drugs is a very bad idea. I mean, I'll drive when I'm high on marijuana, and I can't say I've never driven on the plateau or tail-end of psychedelics, or on very low doses. But if you are thinking that you can hardly see... then don't drive. Honestly, it sounds like you knew that the whole time and just kept up a sense of bravado, for whose benefit? Most likely your own.

So, I hope you've learned a lesson here. If you're fucked up, don't drive. Period.

As for your question about what to do when you're sliding... absolutely NEVER hit the brakes. What you need to do is let off both the gas and the brake completely and just let yourself slow down naturally via friction... if possible go into neutral (if you have a stick shift car then pressing the clutch does this - this is why I think stick shift cars are better and safer). You want as little power to the wheels as possible but you want them to still roll... braking or giving it ags will cause the slide to increase, and braking hard is the worst thing you could do. You'll start fishtailing in a slide, but just steer in the same direction your back end is sliding (if you start sliding where you're facing the right and your rear is facing the left, then steer left). Don't steer hard, just some, and it will slowly straighten out and you might fishtail the other way, but it should be less. If you do, then steer the other way. In this way you can keep steering to correct the slide and it will get less each time, and you'll naturally slow down because of friction too.

That's how to deal with a slide.

Good luck

 

[Depressicaa]

I don't think I was on anything maybe thinking on 2CE but I wasn't fucked up in any way, it was just me being stupid and not fixing the brakes when I should have, not taking your advice since I didn't know anything better to do in that situation. Even if I wasn't on drugs I would have done the same thing, maybe not, I don't know. I wasn't fucked up, but it was various conditions:

Coming down from 2CE, never had visuals really with it.
Driving in the rain at night.
Using a car that had a brake problem.
Driving too fast. (main issue)
Braking when I shouldn't have.

In any case I want to take driving lessons since I obviously suck, and blame myself more than anything else drugs or no. This was me being retarded, and I'm glad I didn't hurt anyone. You are absolutely right on everything, thank you.

Will do these:

Take driving lessons. I don't think learning to drive without a rearview mirror and getting yelled at everyday was a good way to learn anyways.
Never drive on any drug anymore, it is a factor, and the less unfavorable ones the better.
Don't drive at night (will avoid as much as possible, can't always get away doing this all the time) especially when its raining.
Stop driving so fast.
Fix the brakes.
Find money on the street so I can fix the car.

 

[Ismene]

All this stuff talking about modding is somehow neither here nor there, I loved doing it but I dislike misplaced iconization.

I dunno, I used to idolise you when you were a mod, now you're just plain old solipsis :D

 

[Ismene]

I like your style depressica!

What's your experience with psychedelics? Have you done much exploring?

 

[Solipsis]

I dunno, I used to idolise you when you were a mod, now you're just plain old solipsis :D

LOL well I only occasionally got messages of appreciation, honestly I thought my PM inbox would flood after I was modded - with questions about things and requests to change stuff here and there, well that was a total illusion :D not unwelcome though. My point was not that mods shouldn't be approached for being good in their territory, on the contrary as I pretty much said earlier. It's only misplaced iconization that's no good. The pedestal. Thinking they are better at everything instead of having found something to really focus on. A couple mods together jokingly on an ego trip for a bit theres little harm, I like my narcissism personally but as soon as I seem to come off as arrogant that tends to stop me in my tracks.
Actually I would consider becoming a mod once again when I clean up my act and especially when I get a job revolving about research chemical stuff etc - I think that would balance it perfectly and make a splendid link. But I am getting way ahead here.

OK enough about that, this kind of talk embarrasses me just like talk of intelligence tests. Still no clue how embarrassing it should be but always makes me uncomfortable unless the company is all mods or all the same IQ as you
Generally over-focus on differences between things when they are not relevant to anything else discomforts me. Finding universal things comfort me. Kind of an imbalance vs. peace thing.

Remind me, did I say "enough!" ? :') Sorry about hijacking the thread

So what I don't understand is: the car had a braking problem but another problem was you hitting the brakes when you shouldn't have. Doesn't that kind of clash logically? /nitpick

 

[nearjat]

I had a really, really good time reading this.

 

[skillet]

Airbag deployment can be highly dependent on the angle of collision and rate of deceleration. If you hit the barrier at an angle it could have knocked the bumper off without fulfilling the conditions neccesary to trigger the airbag.

Sorry, I got reminded of this yesterday: http://andrewroman.net/2009/12/17/why-men-shouldnt-write-advice-columns/ and couldn't resist Glad you're ok, and it does sound like you were tempting fate, or whatever.

 

[shikidala]

Interesting read, eesh 2c-e come down & driving that's pretty insane depressicaa, unless you come down real quick off these things. Glad you're ok & have taken something from the 2c-e/car crash experience.

I have ADD too, just passed my driving test last week finally!, Ritalin seems to make me a worse driver, I tend to get almost tunnel vision on it, I'm able to focus on the smaller details of driving even better but my observation of everything around me gets worse.

 

[Depressicaa]

Thanks Ismene! I'm enjoying the afterglow of my poor judgment. Not very much physically since I've been up for a good time now, but I'm going to get shit straightened out so that I can avoid or prevent any problems from such a situation again. Glad you could benefit from my mistake nearjat, this is a much better topic than the "He dead yo."

Thanks for not killing me for driving on 2CE, I know I can drive on it since I never got full on visuals or hallucinations on this shit and I'm sure it wasn't the main factor, me being an idiot was. I've driven on it before just because I was comfortable, but man, fuck crashing, anything that people say is mindfuck probably shouldn't be taken driving.

I told my friend after I dropped him off, I texted him "I crashed lol", and he told me holy shit are you alright, and if there was anything he could do for me, I replied "send a million dollars, I'll be fine lol." I think the afterglow kept me from being upset, it was like watching myself be the best possible person I could be from that point on. I have to continue though!

We are always tempting fate as we live, life was mostly a bad trip for me until I realized that what I did wasn't constructive, it was a path to unfulfillment. Psychedelics and stimulants are my favorite, but drug use has always been the person escaping reality or running at life.

(Game references!)
How silly for me to have purchased Starcraft 2, my life isn't even good and I'm just a step away from World of Warcraft. I bought something so that I could get zergling rushed, while my life waits. At least I'm not my cousin who plays TF2 and always uses the medic who just fucking shoots his allies with autoaim, what a skill!

Oh life is waiting for me, but for how long? I'm sick of my ADD/meth-addict personality, I'm not going to start 100 projects awesome and quit them anymore.

Shikidala, that is not good. That is definitely something that is dangerous. I tend to be a careful driver... until I crash. This may save your life, I learned without a rearview mirror and was yelled at for every mistake I did. That probably contributed to my poor driving. This may save your life, I never really learned how to use them in the first place, but something like makes side mirrors useless. As a new driver, look at larger mirrors, these are clip ons, they are wonderful and convenient. Just buy one now, you'll thank me later:
http://www.amazon.com/Source-RM011-Clip-Rearview-Mirror/dp/B001A0J2JO/ref=pd_cp_ba_1

 

[caseface99]

I posted a thread in homeless late one night, by mid day the next day when i woke up it was placed in its correct forum. How is this "in limbo for too long?"

 

[Depressicaa]

Another Chicago person!
I sometimes get it sent to a forum where I have no replies, I think I chose the right forum anyways, right mods?

Our experiences are different, This is one example, but I would rather guess than have it waiting stagnating, deteriorating, and then placed in an area where I will not get the correct readers. It worked!
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=518318