I've accepted you don't want to be here anymore..

[Modify_you]

After over a year of you being in and out of the hospital for mental instability and suicidal attempts, most considered serious, I've accepted that you don't want to be here anymore.. As much as this breaks my heart, I know that you will no longer be suffering and will have finally found your peace. I dread the day I get the call from mom that you finally went through with it, but I've come to terms with it.

I got a phone call this morning saying you were in the hospital today after you rolled your truck into a stream, I thank the passer by that stopped and pulled you out. I'm convinced that if not for him, we would have lost you today. I don't want to speculate on what may or may not have happened, however I find it hard to believe this wasn't an intentional accident. You were 20 miles from home in the middle of rural NE, how do you explain yourself otherwise?

I'm going to sit by your side through this, like I always have. You are supposed to be my rock, the person I go to when I need help. What happens when I lose it? I love you pops, but I don't know how much longer I can keep up this strong front.

 

[herbavore]

This sounds so incredibly hard. Your father is suffering on a deep level and therefore you are pulled into the depths with him (as I'm sure your mom is). It is the heartbreaking truth that you are fairly helpless to change your father's self destructive wishes and behavior. "Coming to terms with it" is something we can achieve rationally but not emotionally so be sure that you have all the support for yourself that you can muster--open communication with family members, friends, support groups of any kind, counseling. Don't try to keep up a strong front---that will not actually help those you are trying to protect and it will make your life incredibly painful. I know that it is important to be able to be strong in order to function in your daily life but make sure you have plenty of outlets for falling apart--because that would be the most honest and true and sane reaction to what you are having to deal with. I am so sorry for you and for your father and the rest of your family. PM any time if you feel like it would help.

 

[badfish45]

That really did break my heart. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, it takes a lot to come to terms with something like that. It's important that you're going to sit by his side through this, and that shows a lot, but nobody can remain strong forever. Like herbavore said, it's important that you show him that you care. Keep your head up high

 

[monkeyemergency]

 

[coelophysis]

My father was on a similar path as the one you explain in your post. Do what you can to help him. Nothing hurt more than when my father's destructive life came to an early halt before he managed to patch his problems.
Deep down it is not what he wants.

 

[stellablue]

My father had several attempts before he finally died in 1990. He got serious with his suicide and shot his self. He had lost me and my sisters and my parents were divoricing. We were moving to SC from WVA and he just thought he had lost everything. All I can say is be there for him the best you can. Know that he is carrying his own stuff as well as family issues. I wished I would have seen the signs before his attempt became permnant. I was almost 16 at the time. I will be 37 this year and it still seems like yesterday. You have a window of an opportunity with him to help him. Talk to him, talk to his doctors. Get him whatever he may need if it is in your power. A life saved is another lesson not needed at the time for you. I believe life throws us lessons and we just have to deal with them the best we can. You know survive and all. Once he is able to talk from his injuries I would start the talking process. It is never to late unless they die. He will want you to help him or he wouldn't be attempting to get your attention. Go to him and help him and be by his side, but let him know it is not acceptable to what ever he is doing to try be gone from you and his life. That you both need to help each other through it. It is always better then being alone in any situation especially this kind. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love and light dear friend.

 

[ChaosBuild3]

After over a year of you being in and out of the hospital for mental instability and suicidal attempts, most considered serious, I've accepted that you don't want to be here anymore.. As much as this breaks my heart, I know that you will no longer be suffering and will have finally found your peace. I dread the day I get the call from mom that you finally went through with it, but I've come to terms with it.

I got a phone call this morning saying you were in the hospital today after you rolled your truck into a stream, I thank the passer by that stopped and pulled you out. I'm convinced that if not for him, we would have lost you today. I don't want to speculate on what may or may not have happened, however I find it hard to believe this wasn't an intentional accident. You were 20 miles from home in the middle of rural NE, how do you explain yourself otherwise?

I'm going to sit by your side through this, like I always have. You are supposed to be my rock, the person I go to when I need help. What happens when I lose it? I love you pops, but I don't know how much longer I can keep up this strong front.

If you need someone to talk to PM me. My mother tried to take her own life 13 times. On the 14th she succeeded. I know what it feels like and what you're going through, so again, if you need to talk to a stranger or someone who has been there feel free to pm me anytime.

 

[herbavore]

Chaos, no wonder you picked that name. That is an unbelievable amount of pain to grow up with. You have my utmost admiration. I am so sorry for your mother and for you.