kimbell
Greenlighter
Hi I'm new on forum. I was stoked when i discovered harm reduction sites. On more than one occasion i've found answers to questions i couldn't ask anywhere else, as a result i have definitely managed to use safely and avoid unnecessary complications. Just today i needed to find out if my swollen finger was serious i went to dr and told him i think that because of my drug use my finger was swollen could he treat it. Even though i had openly admitted injecting he chose to tellme that it was indeed cellulitis probably from an insect ite or a result of secondary infection following a dental infection i've just had due to teeth extractions to prepare for implants as my teeth are beyond repair.
I found it interesting that he chose to explain my condition with a cover story. Did he feel assume i was ashamed and was trying to excuse my addiction or was he just in denial about the fact that i inject and can't face the reality that i am what i am because i don't fit the stereotype. He's been my doc for 20 years and i am currently taking pills to balance my serotonin but i think i need something to help my dopamine production . the point of my posting in the dark side is this..... addiction is in fact more of a symptom than a disease but it has been sold as a terrible affliction that is taking over so many people's lives when in fact my theory as of this morning is that most addicts actually have a slightly different chemical make up to what people have decided is the correct way that we shoul be. Thus when individuals display certain behaviours and for whatever reason experience chemical imbalances our bodies react and cause our minds to react which cause our bodies to react which cause our minds to react ...you get the picture . and we develop so called disorders and syndromes and a whole range of mental illnesses that never existed until we chose to isolate and label all these different types of behaviours that were deemed unsociable and which caused the mainstream population to feel awkward or repulsed or threatened by people who could hear voices they couldn't or people who had outbursts and people who didn't follow the rules of social etiquette and over time these so called illnesses gained power and became more and more common .
When we give things labels and names and try put them into separate boxes based on a set of symptoms that tells us that if we do these things or exhibit certain behaviours then we get diagnosed as ill and put into a box that is a prison .
nowadays so many articles ge written and we all go through the checklists and discover we may just be add or bi polar etc etc. and then we either start to realiise that we maybe abuse substancees not because we are addicts with the disease of addiction , we are in fact undiagnosed nut jobs that have sought relief from this crazy world through self medicating and experimenting with chemicals outside ourselves and often we find relief and bliss and a whole range of things that trick our minds into believing another kind of illusion that was previously not available to us within the already existing illusion we have come to accept as reality.
In conclusion what this whole theory has led me to consider is that when i choose to face my flaws i can learn that my mental state has been the precursor to my present state of drug abuse i may not quit , i may die using, i may recover, it's all irrelavant. the secret for me has been the ability to live in the dark with the lights on and accept myself with love instead of self loathing and feeling less than my peers that seem to find daily living so easy . i can enjoy my life by reducing the harm i cause to myself and instead of wrestling demons to try find a better me i can just knowi'm enough just the way i am . no judgement leads to acceptance, acceptance feels serene and i can use without angst or guilt which means i use and stay alive instead of using without consciouness and ownership for my actions...
I found it interesting that he chose to explain my condition with a cover story. Did he feel assume i was ashamed and was trying to excuse my addiction or was he just in denial about the fact that i inject and can't face the reality that i am what i am because i don't fit the stereotype. He's been my doc for 20 years and i am currently taking pills to balance my serotonin but i think i need something to help my dopamine production . the point of my posting in the dark side is this..... addiction is in fact more of a symptom than a disease but it has been sold as a terrible affliction that is taking over so many people's lives when in fact my theory as of this morning is that most addicts actually have a slightly different chemical make up to what people have decided is the correct way that we shoul be. Thus when individuals display certain behaviours and for whatever reason experience chemical imbalances our bodies react and cause our minds to react which cause our bodies to react which cause our minds to react ...you get the picture . and we develop so called disorders and syndromes and a whole range of mental illnesses that never existed until we chose to isolate and label all these different types of behaviours that were deemed unsociable and which caused the mainstream population to feel awkward or repulsed or threatened by people who could hear voices they couldn't or people who had outbursts and people who didn't follow the rules of social etiquette and over time these so called illnesses gained power and became more and more common .
When we give things labels and names and try put them into separate boxes based on a set of symptoms that tells us that if we do these things or exhibit certain behaviours then we get diagnosed as ill and put into a box that is a prison .
nowadays so many articles ge written and we all go through the checklists and discover we may just be add or bi polar etc etc. and then we either start to realiise that we maybe abuse substancees not because we are addicts with the disease of addiction , we are in fact undiagnosed nut jobs that have sought relief from this crazy world through self medicating and experimenting with chemicals outside ourselves and often we find relief and bliss and a whole range of things that trick our minds into believing another kind of illusion that was previously not available to us within the already existing illusion we have come to accept as reality.
In conclusion what this whole theory has led me to consider is that when i choose to face my flaws i can learn that my mental state has been the precursor to my present state of drug abuse i may not quit , i may die using, i may recover, it's all irrelavant. the secret for me has been the ability to live in the dark with the lights on and accept myself with love instead of self loathing and feeling less than my peers that seem to find daily living so easy . i can enjoy my life by reducing the harm i cause to myself and instead of wrestling demons to try find a better me i can just knowi'm enough just the way i am . no judgement leads to acceptance, acceptance feels serene and i can use without angst or guilt which means i use and stay alive instead of using without consciouness and ownership for my actions...
