:44 PM
Anyhow, feeling like I am doing the right thing is powerful. I have been almost 3 and half weeks sober. I measure sobriety from days of contact. Once I am better then I will make contact but the process is long. Taking it a day at a time is good though. Seeking therapy and help is an aid. Today, I attend the new group in my area. It’s a women based-group. I attained a temporary sponsor. Oh, I have not been chemically dependent on any drugs and I quit smoking cigarettes too. Which is like? WOW I am doing better already.
Yes, I feel guilty sharing this on Bluelight when I know that the person is a Bluelighter too. Parts of me wishes that they are reading this, it’s the part of my addiction seeking validation. But then again, the bluelight thing can be a future bottom line in my 12-step program. Doing something is better than doing nothing. If I am going to accept defeat, I might as well try to recover, I can always be a loser again but I might as well try.
It’s hard thinking that’s the person you are leaving behind can be good for you too. But again, its best to be good yourself and allowing them to be good themselves then you can get together again. Life is funny, caring and loving is parts of life. Protecting someone that you love from yourself is love within itself. If I am going to claim to care and love then I will practice. He is much safer to himself without me than with me. I know that, he knows that. And yes, if there is a 0.1% chance that he has encountered and is reading this. Thank you Jeff for continuing down this path….keep this up. I have to remain resilient when you are weak and vice versa. I am proud that you are going to meetings, going to school and pursuing your happiness. It’s hard for me to imagine you happy without me or vice versa but it’s okay. I guess
I believe I don't need closure......It just needs to be done. Walking away from you is difficult. Yes, I offer excuses to your behavior and so do you. Thats the part of our codependency that we need to work on. How we treated each other.............is not fuckin right. We both ended up in jail. What was it going to come down to? destroying our lives..............No, I won't allow this to continue.
Anyhow, feeling like I am doing the right thing is powerful. I have been almost 3 and half weeks sober. I measure sobriety from days of contact. Once I am better then I will make contact but the process is long. Taking it a day at a time is good though. Seeking therapy and help is an aid. Today, I attend the new group in my area. It’s a women based-group. I attained a temporary sponsor. Oh, I have not been chemically dependent on any drugs and I quit smoking cigarettes too. Which is like? WOW I am doing better already.
Yes, I feel guilty sharing this on Bluelight when I know that the person is a Bluelighter too. Parts of me wishes that they are reading this, it’s the part of my addiction seeking validation. But then again, the bluelight thing can be a future bottom line in my 12-step program. Doing something is better than doing nothing. If I am going to accept defeat, I might as well try to recover, I can always be a loser again but I might as well try.
It’s hard thinking that’s the person you are leaving behind can be good for you too. But again, its best to be good yourself and allowing them to be good themselves then you can get together again. Life is funny, caring and loving is parts of life. Protecting someone that you love from yourself is love within itself. If I am going to claim to care and love then I will practice. He is much safer to himself without me than with me. I know that, he knows that. And yes, if there is a 0.1% chance that he has encountered and is reading this. Thank you Jeff for continuing down this path….keep this up. I have to remain resilient when you are weak and vice versa. I am proud that you are going to meetings, going to school and pursuing your happiness. It’s hard for me to imagine you happy without me or vice versa but it’s okay. I guess
I believe I don't need closure......It just needs to be done. Walking away from you is difficult. Yes, I offer excuses to your behavior and so do you. Thats the part of our codependency that we need to work on. How we treated each other.............is not fuckin right. We both ended up in jail. What was it going to come down to? destroying our lives..............No, I won't allow this to continue.
