rainyday107
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 14, 2015
- Messages
- 266
Hi guys,
I haven't been here in awhile. Decided to see how the BL community is doing.
I am still sober...had developed severe alcoholism. Mixed with my bipolar and anxiety meds...and pain meds. I had some close calls...I almost died a few times. Fortunately, I'm alcohol-free and have no desire to drink.
I have spent a lot of time reading up on heroin addiction. My brother is a heroin addict. I love him and we were so close. He's had some near fatal OD's. Jail time. He's also a poly-drug user, including a severe alcoholic.
His alcoholism deveoped when when he was 16 and it's very severe. He has nine lives, I swear.
We were really close and we supported each other. He wasn't drinking (99% certain) and I thought he was ina great place, so to speak. He also has bipolar disorder and was in treatment.
He emotionally supported me through some rough years and helped me escape an abusive marriage. I supported him, too. But I was enabling him and I didn't know. He got into the drug scene, mainly oxys back in the pill mill heydays. He got in deep. I had no idea, he always has been a "good" liar and maybe I turned a blind eye?
He was having financial problems and I didn't loan (he never pays back, lol)...I gave him ... substantial sums over a year. I thought I was paying rent, health insurance premiums, several thousand dollars of dental work.
I was mistaken. I seriously funded a .... well, he spent it on drugs. Mainly heroin, I think. I'm not mad, I'm sad.
You know now how it goes...you need money to not get sick. He later stole from me (I'd given him a key to my house), etc. I'm not mad. He stole from our stepdad and that relationship...the burglary was the last straw for our stepdad. I understand.
I dont know where where he is...alive, jail, homeless, sober...dead? I hope he's okay. i love him. He has changed so much and ....thanks for listening.
He changed so much, became hostile to me (I think he was dope-sick) and ... it's like he became someone else. So I've spent the past couple of years reading and watching documentaries on heroin addiction. I understand now. I know he's not in treatment for his bipolar disorder. Addiction and bipolar disorder are often co-morbid conditions. And I can attest to that with my days of alcoholism. Treatment centers, rehabs, AA...never succeeded.
I have chronic pain from neck and back surgeries. I'm on a pain management protocol and I am very stringent to take as prescribed. I never thought J would become a heroin addict. Alcoholism was the beast for so many years. He never could achieve sobriety for more than a few months. I never thought heroin would cross his path. I hope he's ok.
Thanks for listening. Glad to be back. I have to focus on myself. He will get clean if he wants to. I feel guilty for enabling him.
rainy
I haven't been here in awhile. Decided to see how the BL community is doing.
I am still sober...had developed severe alcoholism. Mixed with my bipolar and anxiety meds...and pain meds. I had some close calls...I almost died a few times. Fortunately, I'm alcohol-free and have no desire to drink.
I have spent a lot of time reading up on heroin addiction. My brother is a heroin addict. I love him and we were so close. He's had some near fatal OD's. Jail time. He's also a poly-drug user, including a severe alcoholic.
His alcoholism deveoped when when he was 16 and it's very severe. He has nine lives, I swear.
We were really close and we supported each other. He wasn't drinking (99% certain) and I thought he was ina great place, so to speak. He also has bipolar disorder and was in treatment.
He emotionally supported me through some rough years and helped me escape an abusive marriage. I supported him, too. But I was enabling him and I didn't know. He got into the drug scene, mainly oxys back in the pill mill heydays. He got in deep. I had no idea, he always has been a "good" liar and maybe I turned a blind eye?
He was having financial problems and I didn't loan (he never pays back, lol)...I gave him ... substantial sums over a year. I thought I was paying rent, health insurance premiums, several thousand dollars of dental work.
I was mistaken. I seriously funded a .... well, he spent it on drugs. Mainly heroin, I think. I'm not mad, I'm sad.
You know now how it goes...you need money to not get sick. He later stole from me (I'd given him a key to my house), etc. I'm not mad. He stole from our stepdad and that relationship...the burglary was the last straw for our stepdad. I understand.
I dont know where where he is...alive, jail, homeless, sober...dead? I hope he's okay. i love him. He has changed so much and ....thanks for listening.
He changed so much, became hostile to me (I think he was dope-sick) and ... it's like he became someone else. So I've spent the past couple of years reading and watching documentaries on heroin addiction. I understand now. I know he's not in treatment for his bipolar disorder. Addiction and bipolar disorder are often co-morbid conditions. And I can attest to that with my days of alcoholism. Treatment centers, rehabs, AA...never succeeded.
I have chronic pain from neck and back surgeries. I'm on a pain management protocol and I am very stringent to take as prescribed. I never thought J would become a heroin addict. Alcoholism was the beast for so many years. He never could achieve sobriety for more than a few months. I never thought heroin would cross his path. I hope he's ok.
Thanks for listening. Glad to be back. I have to focus on myself. He will get clean if he wants to. I feel guilty for enabling him.
rainy
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