It's been a weird few weeks...

I am currently maintained on methadone that I procured illicitly but it was quite necessary as I've been doing lots of dope.

I actually got a really kick ass job. I already did the new hire paper work now I have to wait for them to do my background check and tell me when to come in for orientation. I feel so lucky. I won't fuck this up!!! Too much depends on me keeping this job. Seriously.

So my anxiety is through the roof. I can't wait to go to therapy on Wednesday actually... exciting. Like for real. I really get along with my therapist. I dunno what it is. It's good though. Probably the best thing that's happened in a while... and the job thing. That was good too.

My psychiatrist is a fucking idiot who spelled my name 3 different ways. I told the fucker to write new prescriptions because the pharmacy won't fill them. They're not even controlled substances. What the fuck. I thought he was fucking with me. HE FUCKED UP. NOT ME. God forbid you have to tear up your $1/sheet DEA prescription pad paper and SPELL MY NAME CORRECTLY. I am changing doctors ASAP. Dumb fuck! Blaming everyone else but himself. This is the THIRD TIME, for fuck's sake. Blame it on your receptionist, blame it on the pharmacist, blame it on me... God forbid you blame it on yourself because that's who did it!!!

Jesus fuck... ANYWAY.

I cannot fuck this up. I will not fuck this up. I cannot, I will not .. fuck this up. I got this.

 

You've definitely got and can do this!

 

What kind of job? It sounds like you are excited about the work itself as well as the pay. I hope that's true as it will really help you in everything else you are trying to do. The anxiety is just your old thought habits--tell yourself that and breathe. I'm excited for you and hope to hear more once you are working.

 

Thank you Spork and herbavore

My new job is a retail job, nothing too fancy, but it pays really well for what the job entails & there are benefits. Very rare these days. I feel so lucky and blessed to have found this job in this economy. I will be holding onto it with an iron grip but also looking for bigger and better opportunities if they present themselves, obviously. Also, I will be eligible for health insurance in 3 months, so that will be great.

It's at a grocery store that 2 of my friends also work at. Those friends have worked at the store for 9 and 5 years, respectively, so there is a possibility of longevity at the store as well as upwards mobility. It rhymes with Bowl Moods.

The store has also been on Fortune Magazine's list of best places to work every year since 1998, when the list was created. There's a lot of hype about working there. I'm sure there will be some hiccups and things I don't enjoy, but I'm gonna keep my head up and look ahead towards my goals of saving up money to go back to school and buying things for my girlfriend and brother (like, 3 years worth of birthday and Christmas presents that I owe them because I didn't have any money to get them anything, paying people who I owe money to back and, honestly, buying some things I like but probably shouldn't be buying but like to use... It is what it is, I guess.)

I'm just going to be a register monkey... I mean cashier... but I'm excited! I've been wanting to eat better & take more supplements and things of that nature, so the employee discount will be great. I love cooking so if I can shop at my place of work for some healthy organic food to supplement things I can get at regular grocery stores, it will be fantastic. Hell, I can also wear jeans and casual tops and sneakers to work! I don't mind being on my feet all day at all, either. The store is in a wonderful location in the city as well. My birthday is at the end of this month and I literally remember telling my girlfriend not to get me anything for my birthday, because all I wanted was "a job" and that's what I got. Sometimes getting what you want is scary and I have that whole "afraid to succeed" thing going on because lots of things have gone wrong in my life when I worked hard and did what I had to do, but those things were beyond my control, as I've learned now. So I have to do what I have to do and that's all that I can do. I'm trying not to be too anxious and worry about what can go wrong and just focus on what IS and not what COULD HAPPEN, you know???

I also want to be able to take my girlfriend and brother out to dinner or to amusement parks or to movies and do normal people stuff. Like, I'll have enough money to go to Starbucks if I wanted to! Or to a movie! Or to a restaurant! These things are sounding like luxuries to me at the moment, sadly enough.

I'm so happy that I won't have to take money from my brother or girlfriend any more and give them money instead! They get enough money to take care of all of the necessary bills and they can keep the extra of their own money. Also, when I am working, I use drugs much less. Hopefully this will help me to not use as heavily.

One day at a time, right ladies?

I hope you both are doing well also! Thanks for believing in me!!

 

Soul Foods!?!? Jk

You'll be fine and the job sounds awesome...I wish I got benefits! That really is a luxury these days.

Also, you'll do great and you'll be fine. Seriously i'm not just saying that. It's always scary at first but eventually you'll be kicking ass and taking...well names. Just don't be late ever...work hard, don't expect to be good at everything at once. Just take it easy, learn a new thing about the place each day and you'll be fine. You have friends there already so you don't have to worry about fitting in or any of that bullshit! I still have trouble getting along with people at my job and i've been there for a while now. That's honestly the thing that worries me most about my job at this point and you don't even have to worry about that!

 

Thanks, man, I believe in you too. Having friends @ work is sometimes a bad thing when you want to concentrate on your job, lol.

 

^True that. When I changed schools, a friend of mine came to the same school. I was trying to stop going to class stoned. Didn't happen.

You got dis! Escape20's advice is solid. The first few days are a little uncomfortable, just like going to another school or something. Just keep your head up, pay attention and I'm sure it'll work out great!

 

Gah, I was late today but not by much... but still it shouldn't have happened... Oh well, gotta not do it again... Jeez, I really do suck sometimes...