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It's a perfect relationship.

K

Khalid

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 21, 2012
Messages
17
At least, that's what we both think. March 3rd, of 2012, is going to be exactly a year of us being together. We love each other so much, we surely have our ups and downs that we eventually fix and get rid off, we do have arguments and fights about small little things but that's what couples do, right? The reason why I'm posting this thread isn't because of all what I just mentioned. It's because of me. I feel like I'm slowly going to blow up and ruin this relationship, which I really, really do not want. I seriously with complete honesty, need your help. I'm 17 years young and I know, for sure, that she's the one, and she will be the mother of my children some day and I simply don't ever want to lose her. I don't want to exist in this world without her, because I love her with all of my heart, and I've never, ever, in my entire life; loved like this before. I mean, the things that we've been through, the things that we did together, the things that we talked about and basically EVERYTHING, it was all like the first time to me, truthfully. Once again, this isn't the reason why I'm posting this thread, maybe this is just an introduction to what I'm about to mention, you know?

You see, I'm possessive and a very jealous guy. At the same time, I'm moody and aggressive. I don't know where to start. Let's just say, I hate every single guy she's ever been with. We've obviously had that fucked up talk about our pasts, and that's when it all started. I don't know why I'm this way, but I've always been. If I love this girl, and I know that this girl used to go out with that guy, I will hate that guy's guts no matter who he is. And sometimes, when we used to talk about those fucked up stories, I used to get curious, you know? It gets me every single time I come to think about it. I used to ask her if she did *things* with her ex before but I never felt like she told me the truth because of the way she said it, and that's why, I get even more pissed, jealous and curious. It gets all over me, on my fucking nerves. I'm still curious but we haven't spoken about it in a long time, because I've told her I will try to forget about it, because all it brought was fights and pain, and I don't want that. I know, if I ever bring it up, she'll get hurt. It's hard to get it out of my mind. I really don't know what to do, and this is the way I am. I can't ever get it out of my mind, I simply don't know how! It's been such a long time and every time I see the guys she's been with, it comes back to me.

She told me things like, she used to go to this abandoned house to meet her ex and they'd been there for a few minutes or hours, I once asked her did you ever do things with him, all she said was we just held hands and hugged, but I never believed that, I always thought something else might've happened but she didn't want to tell me, perhaps? I once, also asked her, did you ever kiss him, that was the time I doubted her. She told me he tried to get close and kiss her but she pushed him away, and let's just say, the reason was because he was an asshole to her, he fucked her life up, but you know, they've been together at least 5+ months, can you say that they haven't done things, at all, together? Can you believe that they used to always fight? I'm sure at some part, there was a lot of love, you know?

I really don't get why I'm telling you all this, I feel disgusted and I also feel like I'm going to be hated on for saying all of the above, but this is me, there are still some things I need to let out of my chest, but I won't go deeper just yet, I'll wait for your replies.

Anyway, I don't know what to do, but I know a few things, which are, I don't want to hurt her. I don't want our relationship to ever end, and I'm willing to change this for our sake. I just need to know, if I feel this way, what the fuck do I do and how the fuck am I supposed to get it out of me? It hurts too much and it feels like shit, and there's way too much hatred inside of me!

I really need to do the right thing. I love her.

Help me, please.
 
i would suggest meeting with a counselor to discuss your feelings. jealousy and possessiveness are borne from insecurity and deep insecurity that affects your life and personal relationships in this way is an issue that needs to be addressed. once you feel genuinely secure with who you are and have a positive and honest view of your self-worth, it will be much easier to accept her past as her past and stop fixating on the things that no longer matter.

if you love her, you need to fix yourself (probably with the aid of a professional coach) so that you two can have a peaceful, loving and mutually-respectful and mutually-rewarding relationship. right now, with the way you're acting, you're actually self-fulfilling your worst fears - by trying to control her, you're only pushing her further away.
 
Like Fawkes said, you're insecure. Put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes: how would you feel if she constantly asked you about your exes and what all you did with them? Aggravating, isn't it? I do applaud you wanting to change.
 
Jealousy is a sign of trust issues. And if you don't trust your girl, how can you expect to have a fulfilling relationship? You're obviously insecure. Who gives a shit about her exs? Why don't you focus on the present and how you've got a wonderful girlfriend. Focus on her, not her exs.
You are seventeen years old. At this age, your knowledge of "love" is really nothing. It doesn't matter how amazing your relationship is at the moment, because I can tell you right now that there's very little chance your relationship will survive. Sure, live in the moment for now and enjoy it, but it's just a high school relationship. So stop wasting your precious time freaking out about other dudes and have fun while it lasts. If you really loved her you wouldn't be obsessing over her exs.
 
Alright, thanks everyone. I really appreciate all that you've said, and I'm willing to change it because I love her. I really don't know what I'm doing, I just needed to let all of this shit out of my chest.

And I'm sorry, but just because I'm seventeen yours young, doesn't mean I don't know what love is and that my love will not last. I hate it when people think that way. Summer love, high school love, and all that shit.

Disregard that, I'm changing the way I am for her. Thanks again.
 
Most people you date will have had ex's. Thats something youre going to need to come to terms with.
 
Feeling jealous is not wierd or anything. You've only known her a year and since you really like her you are bound to worry about things and feel some "insecurity (G-d forbid!)." Just don't let it get out of hand though. You aren't showing signs of "immaturity" either as someone else said, even though you are only 17. And, sometimes these things do last. There's no reason to get an attitude that since "I'm this young, it can't last."

The only time I wouldn't feel jealous or worry about if a girl likes me is if I didn't give a fuck about her. An experienced female country singer once said about getting nervous before her performances: "If you don't feel a little nervous about it - it doesn't mean anything to you." Just don't let it get to you or get out hand, you know.

As to her past relationships, just don't even go there. I think it's rude to talk about exes when not asked and when you are asked, just say, I don't want to talk about them - they are out of my life for good. Really if you are in love with someon, you probably aren't going to like hearing about other people getting physical with them, so don't be curious about it i the first place. The only thing you should make sure of is that both of you know is if the other might currently have an STD.

Also, you don't need to waste your time with a "relationship coach" or some bullshit like that. Just know this, if she tells you she loves you and has been with you this long, believe her and accept it gratefully.

P.S. watch out as some people on this forum are extremely "jaded" and have found "security" and "confidence" by shutting themelves off and walling up their emotions and adopting an attitude of total apathy and selfish pleasure seeking.
 
all jealousy does is cause the person ur with to cheat on u or leave u.

seriously listen to that. that girl is frightened that she has to lie to you about her exe's thats messed up dude chill the fuck out. and be grateful she hasnt ditched u for someone else

o and if she leaves you dont kill her or beat her up or the dude up ur 17 still got 60 years or so on earth.
 
187coopa said:
o and if she leaves you dont kill her or beat her up or the dude up ur 17 still got 60 years or so on earth.
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^this.

You're seventeen and in love.... Yes, we all know what love is or maybe we don't. Your age doesn't matter. All I know is you need to work on why you feel so jealous and have trust issues. Sadly, relationships come and go but you eventually move on and I know one day you will but if you want to have a good relationship....you need to work on your problems or else the cycle will repeat with the next girl and the next. End the cycle.
 
Khalid said:
I don't know where to start. Let's just say, I hate every single guy she's ever been with. We've obviously had that fucked up talk about our pasts, and that's when it all started. I don't know why I'm this way, but I've always been. If I love this girl, and I know that this girl used to go out with that guy, I will hate that guy's guts no matter who he is.
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consider that we, as people, are the sum of our experiences, our actions, our dreams and our desires. the things that we've experienced have brought us to where we are and make us who we are.

if you hate your girlfriend's past, you hate the experiences that make her who she is. you're basically saying that you hate who your girlfriend is. for many people, that's not love*.

why do you care so much about what she's done in the past? this causes you a great deal of stress so you must have thought about it - how have you analysed why you feel this way? what conclusions have you drawn?

it's possible that you're not equipped to join the dots here in which case, you may need to consider getting some professional help. have you considered getting help?

alasdair

* i understand that the only definition of love that matters here is yours.
 
Aaaa this brings me back to when i was 17 and was in love. Just give it all you got dude but when you guys break up just remember it is not the end of the world.
 
alasdairm said:
if you hate your girlfriend's past, you hate the experiences that make her who she is. you're basically saying that you hate who your girlfriend is.
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This is quite a bit over the top. She certainly is made up of more than her past relationship experiences...well, hopefully. We don't always have to like everything about ourselves and other people. But, what's done is done, and you have to just simply say who knows? who cares!?! I'm gonna like what's going on now and I'm gonna to make the best of what I've got, and it sounds like what you got is better than what I had or will ever get dude!

it's possible that you're not equipped to join the dots here in which case, you may need to consider getting some professional help. have you considered getting help?
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Wow, ali, what a mindfuck you're trying to put on the poor kid. Not only that, there's a chance he will unnecessarily be "turned on" to pharmaceuticals in the mental health industry as a way to deal with his problem.

Really, Khalid, normal people have these feelings, just as I said before, don't go to far into them. Don't forget that YOU have got her now and be happy with her. There is always a certain degree of jealousy, insecurity, and possesiveness in love, but the real issue is not letting it go too far and letting it destroy a good thing.
 
^ like you, i'm giving my opinion on his issues because he asked for it. he's free to consider it or completely ignore it (and everything in between).

in my experience, somebody's not going to get over something this fundamental simply by telling them "just stop letting it get to you". that's a 'what', not a 'how' and, if it was that easy, nobody would have problems...

alasdair
 
I like how the thread is titled and then its all about how youre insanely jealous about men from your girlfriends past.. And I thought I had jealousy issues. Your gf isnt telling you the truth because she knows you'd let it get to you. Your relationship obviously isnt perfect, it seems like youre clinging much too tightly and trying to shame her for having been with other guys.

My gf recently told me she wishes she had waited for me, I told her I'm happy she didn't. This is not a story book version of Ancient Jerusalem. Nobody should be chastized for having explored their sexuality in the past, especially from the one they supposedly love so dearly..

Youre making a big deal out of nothing, you need to get over it or you will ruin your "perfect" relationship
 
When I was younger, hearing about my bf-at-the-time's previous sexual history used to make me crazy. I remember getting upset over hearing about something he did with a neighbor girl when he was eleven.

Totally ridiculous. Now, with my current beau it kinda amuses me to hear about his exploits from before. Apparently he lost his virginity at 12, has been in threesomes, etc. Because all this is in his past, and is what has made him into the phenomenal lover he is today it doesn't affect me negatively to hear those stories. Of course, perhaps being 37 and having at least 20 years more experience than OP with heartbreak, sex, etc. gives me a different perspective.

Jealousy is definitely something that can be worked on, but it really is deeply rooted in insecurity. Just focus on your own self, and the positive things in your relationship. First love is definitely intense.
 
When I first learned about my girls exs I was fine and then a few weeks down the road I started freaking out obsessing about them and what they had done to her. Then I realized it doesn't fucking matter because she's with me now. Try to realize that.
 
He shall realize such things in due time, I guess.

There is no such thing as the "perfect" relationship or person.

I think this thread clearly illustrates that.

:)
 
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