Today is Monday, May 24th, 2010 and it is now 430 AM here in Cebu, Philippines.
To help the 1/10th of 1 person who actually reads my rants, catch up, here is where I left off last time:
Reunited with Jackie, boarded a ferry in Nasapit (Butuan) Mindanao, for Cebu, an over night trip. Lying in our private cabin, Jackie sleeping safely in my arms, I got an IM from her eldest sister, the catalyst for all the drama of late.
She began dogging Jackie out, I told her, in my always civil manner, to cut the childish shit, and in reply I was told that Jackie is a compulsive liar who left not 2 kids, but 3, including an 11 month old infant son when she ran away (to a life with me.) As if THAT is not fucked up enough, I was also told that contrary to Jackie being separated for 2 years (which is what Jackie has always said), her "husband" is in shock because he didn't even know they were having serious problems.
Finally, when I brought up the fact that I had been in Jackie's home, why was none of this apparent, I was told that that would be impossible because Jackie, her husband, and their 3 very young children share base housing with her sister and their family. This last part I may not have posted but just to get it all out there, there it is.
So here we are...
When Jackie woke up, still in my arms, and asked me who I was IMing to, I honestly told her that it was her eldest sister. Her eyes got big and she immediately ordered me, "Don't talk to her!!!"
Rachamim: "Jackie, I need to ask you a question."
Jackie: "Stop talking to my sister! How did she get your ID!?"
R: "I would imagine that when Mohammed (pseudonym for her ex) rifled your door and stole the Blackberry, and some of your belongings that they would have found it in your Chat Log...
J: " What did she say???"
R: "Jackie, baby, tell me about Ibrahim (pseudonym for her alleged infant son)."
NOTE: Jackie is brown skinned but turned as white as my ass in a New York December while she lay there...and then began shaking violently with tears running down her face.
After a very long , and VERY quiet interval...
Jackie: "Ibrahim was a mistake, but I will respect you if you leave me."
NOTE: I swear, not many things can shock me in life. I have seen babies town apart by bombs, dead people every week for years on end but when she said what she just said, my world went black... and not from anger, just sheer, unmitigated and gut wrenching pain.
I am proud of myself because I held it together and did not scream, did not cry, I am not capable of violence towards women so that was never an issue anyway...but through it all I simply sat up, looking at the floor and just nodding my head.
Jackie was sobbing but trying to do so quietly. I am certain that she never felt I would find this out. After all, she had left it all behind, she had no reason to ever worry about my contacting her family...or her friends, and then this.
Rachamim: "So, virtually everything I know about you is some fantasy bullshit (calmly said in monotone)?"
Jackie: "I love you SOOOOOO much..."
R: "How does THAT work? That 'LOVER' thing you are talking about? Cause, ya' see, it has been my ignorant belief that 'love' is built upon a foundation of trust and honesty. If every major thing I know about you is a lie, then our relationship is a lie. Then, to top it off, you have placed the both of us in a hellishly tight place (thinking that I now have to support and provide for someone I do not even know. For that I should I been one of those fools who dates online. Me, the stunningly clever intellect who thought to himself that he had covered every angle with this girl and still came out with deep respect and adoration...me....look at me!!!!!).
Jackie: "Baby, please, look at me, pleaseee (sobbing harder)."
Rachamim: "No, not at all... (then, with a sudden realisation)...You mean, I have just caused pain and heartache for an innocent man? I destroyed a family??? YOUR family? How...How could this happen? Why did this happen?"
NOTE: No matter how poor you are, if you are a Westerner, or for thart matter just about any other nationality/provenance, you will always be on very unequal footing, with a Fiipina GF, wife or lover when it comes to money and quality of life. You can work in Burger King salting crisps and still make more than most physicians in the Philippines.
However, to minimise this obvious attraction Jackie had always thought of me as being stone broke. I never discussed money with her, nor had she ever asked for any. I did offer to help her when she had told me that Mohammed had cut her off financially but even there faced great resistance. Jackie was NOT motivated by money.
What was it then? Why did this happen? Did she not love Mohammed? If not, why have a baby in June of 2009???
I had many questions.
Rachamim: Jackie, look at me please, I am going to take a walk about the ship, get some air, when I come back I am going to ask you some questions and I will expect, now, finally, that you will be honest with me and answeer those questions truthfully."
Jackie merely nodded her head lightly, still sobbing and shaking.
Cognisant of her faux-suicide attempt 2 weeks before, I told her the following:
Rachamim: "No matter what happens between you and I, I will not abandon you and leave you in the street. We will discuss this calmly when we have both calmed down, I want your word that you will not do anything crazy while I am out.
SILENCE except for sobs and shudders
R: Jackie, are you listening to me?
Jackie: "Done go Raki, please, please, I need you. I love you so damn much. Everything I did, I did for you, for us. Please don't leave me alone here, please..."
NOTE:I sat down, at a chair though, on the other side of the cabin.
Rachamim: "OK, I am here."
SILENCE, light sobbing.
Rachamim: "Jackie, how is that you never told me about Ibrahim?"
Jackie:" Ibrahim was a mistake. He should have never happened. I was trying to fix what was wrong, I couldn't fix it. I hated myself for even allowing it, in turn I hated even looking at the baby. I had my (2nd eldest) sister take him. She is his (surrogate/adoptive) mom now."
R: "I am not so much concerned that you have another child, as much as I am concerned that he was born in June of 2009. It means, AFTER I met you, you were still having relations with Mohammed! It means that you got pregnant, never told me you were pregnant or even that you gave birth...and that you have been telling me over and over that you had not been with him since the spring of 2008!!!?"
To be continued...
(Edited for spelling)
To help the 1/10th of 1 person who actually reads my rants, catch up, here is where I left off last time:
Reunited with Jackie, boarded a ferry in Nasapit (Butuan) Mindanao, for Cebu, an over night trip. Lying in our private cabin, Jackie sleeping safely in my arms, I got an IM from her eldest sister, the catalyst for all the drama of late.
She began dogging Jackie out, I told her, in my always civil manner, to cut the childish shit, and in reply I was told that Jackie is a compulsive liar who left not 2 kids, but 3, including an 11 month old infant son when she ran away (to a life with me.) As if THAT is not fucked up enough, I was also told that contrary to Jackie being separated for 2 years (which is what Jackie has always said), her "husband" is in shock because he didn't even know they were having serious problems.
Finally, when I brought up the fact that I had been in Jackie's home, why was none of this apparent, I was told that that would be impossible because Jackie, her husband, and their 3 very young children share base housing with her sister and their family. This last part I may not have posted but just to get it all out there, there it is.
So here we are...
When Jackie woke up, still in my arms, and asked me who I was IMing to, I honestly told her that it was her eldest sister. Her eyes got big and she immediately ordered me, "Don't talk to her!!!"
Rachamim: "Jackie, I need to ask you a question."
Jackie: "Stop talking to my sister! How did she get your ID!?"
R: "I would imagine that when Mohammed (pseudonym for her ex) rifled your door and stole the Blackberry, and some of your belongings that they would have found it in your Chat Log...
J: " What did she say???"
R: "Jackie, baby, tell me about Ibrahim (pseudonym for her alleged infant son)."
NOTE: Jackie is brown skinned but turned as white as my ass in a New York December while she lay there...and then began shaking violently with tears running down her face.
After a very long , and VERY quiet interval...
Jackie: "Ibrahim was a mistake, but I will respect you if you leave me."
NOTE: I swear, not many things can shock me in life. I have seen babies town apart by bombs, dead people every week for years on end but when she said what she just said, my world went black... and not from anger, just sheer, unmitigated and gut wrenching pain.
I am proud of myself because I held it together and did not scream, did not cry, I am not capable of violence towards women so that was never an issue anyway...but through it all I simply sat up, looking at the floor and just nodding my head.
Jackie was sobbing but trying to do so quietly. I am certain that she never felt I would find this out. After all, she had left it all behind, she had no reason to ever worry about my contacting her family...or her friends, and then this.
Rachamim: "So, virtually everything I know about you is some fantasy bullshit (calmly said in monotone)?"
Jackie: "I love you SOOOOOO much..."
R: "How does THAT work? That 'LOVER' thing you are talking about? Cause, ya' see, it has been my ignorant belief that 'love' is built upon a foundation of trust and honesty. If every major thing I know about you is a lie, then our relationship is a lie. Then, to top it off, you have placed the both of us in a hellishly tight place (thinking that I now have to support and provide for someone I do not even know. For that I should I been one of those fools who dates online. Me, the stunningly clever intellect who thought to himself that he had covered every angle with this girl and still came out with deep respect and adoration...me....look at me!!!!!).
Jackie: "Baby, please, look at me, pleaseee (sobbing harder)."
Rachamim: "No, not at all... (then, with a sudden realisation)...You mean, I have just caused pain and heartache for an innocent man? I destroyed a family??? YOUR family? How...How could this happen? Why did this happen?"
NOTE: No matter how poor you are, if you are a Westerner, or for thart matter just about any other nationality/provenance, you will always be on very unequal footing, with a Fiipina GF, wife or lover when it comes to money and quality of life. You can work in Burger King salting crisps and still make more than most physicians in the Philippines.
However, to minimise this obvious attraction Jackie had always thought of me as being stone broke. I never discussed money with her, nor had she ever asked for any. I did offer to help her when she had told me that Mohammed had cut her off financially but even there faced great resistance. Jackie was NOT motivated by money.
What was it then? Why did this happen? Did she not love Mohammed? If not, why have a baby in June of 2009???
I had many questions.
Rachamim: Jackie, look at me please, I am going to take a walk about the ship, get some air, when I come back I am going to ask you some questions and I will expect, now, finally, that you will be honest with me and answeer those questions truthfully."
Jackie merely nodded her head lightly, still sobbing and shaking.
Cognisant of her faux-suicide attempt 2 weeks before, I told her the following:
Rachamim: "No matter what happens between you and I, I will not abandon you and leave you in the street. We will discuss this calmly when we have both calmed down, I want your word that you will not do anything crazy while I am out.
SILENCE except for sobs and shudders
R: Jackie, are you listening to me?
Jackie: "Done go Raki, please, please, I need you. I love you so damn much. Everything I did, I did for you, for us. Please don't leave me alone here, please..."
NOTE:I sat down, at a chair though, on the other side of the cabin.
Rachamim: "OK, I am here."
SILENCE, light sobbing.
Rachamim: "Jackie, how is that you never told me about Ibrahim?"
Jackie:" Ibrahim was a mistake. He should have never happened. I was trying to fix what was wrong, I couldn't fix it. I hated myself for even allowing it, in turn I hated even looking at the baby. I had my (2nd eldest) sister take him. She is his (surrogate/adoptive) mom now."
R: "I am not so much concerned that you have another child, as much as I am concerned that he was born in June of 2009. It means, AFTER I met you, you were still having relations with Mohammed! It means that you got pregnant, never told me you were pregnant or even that you gave birth...and that you have been telling me over and over that you had not been with him since the spring of 2008!!!?"
To be continued...
(Edited for spelling)
). Better you than me-- I'm too clueless to be able to deal with anything like that.