It takes my pain away.

wI can see what's happening... I'm going back down that road, that I said I wouldn't. I untangled my mess of a life... only to end up back where I was before. I was supposed to go to an NA meeting today for the first time but I totally forgot and slept through the time it was supposed to start. I would have never made it.

Tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday and I don't have anything to give her. She told me all she wants from me is a nice home cooked meal. Which I can do for her. I will go all out for her. But I've come so far away from what I was. She deserves the world but all she's got is me, a fucking loser pathetic pillhead for a girlfriend... I am certainly no catch. At least not in the state I am in right now.

A couple of years ago, I was working so I was able to take her to Vermont for a week for her birthday. We enjoyed the weather (April in Vermont is beautiful). We rented a hotel room, brought a bunch of MDMA, benzos and pot brownies (this was on Amtrak, where you can get away with shit like that.)

I just want to be the woman that my girlfriend deserves.

 

Evidently u give a rats ass. So don't say ur not good enuf- giving a shit about the other person is more than half the battle!

Hope ur bday dindin goes well

 

She must love you for some reason, right? Don't waste time thinking you're not good enough! As Ghandi said, "You must be the change you want to see in this world", I say that you must become the change that you want to see in yourself. Complaining without putting effort into changing is just a waste of energy, plus, we are always far harder on ourselves than anyone else in existence.

Take care and good luck, I hope the Birthday Dinner goes down tremendously!
-K

EDIT: Oh, and you're NOT some pathetic, loser pill-head.
You're a person and you're loved, so be thankful for that but don't think it's out of pity or sympathy.
People don't fall in love out of pity or sympathy, they fall in love because you make them feel something they can't get from anyone else.
That makes you far, far more special than pathetic!