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It can't just be me?

Elvis'LittleHelper

Elvis'LittleHelper

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 18, 2015
Messages
39
Location
Scotland
I know certain people can't stand the feeling of being 'high' or 'away with it' - they may not like feeling that theyre not in control....others enjoy it but then are perfectly happy not having to do it again, have no urge or temptation, maybe because they have great self control or their own brain chemistry is perfectly sufficient as it is and they don't 'need' chemicals to make them happy.

That leads me to my point. When I tried opiates...I couldn't stop! I HAD to try it again, and again and again. I knew I had to take a few days rest yet that never stopped me, it's even at the point where I can't even stand the comedown and want to get even higher and higher and take more and more the same night. I know for a fact I'm not PSYCHICALLY addicted (ive never had the symptoms when I've missed a day) but I seriously struggle to not go a day without

Does anyone else feel like this?
Is it my brain chemistry? There is a HUGE line of alcoholics and depression in my family. (like every second member lol)

Oh and btw I'm talking about codiene, sometime DHC as these are easiest to obtain.
Thanks.
Elvis
 
I felt similar the first year or two on vicodin but in two years there was 4-5 times if not more where there would be a snag in the prescription, and I would have to go without. This was before I knew what dope sickness was. But every time it got worse and every time I would use heavier. For me addiction was like a mysterious thing because it didn''t happen for so long in my use that when it did, it was a nightmare. It felt like overnight a switch was flipped and then I was screwed. Thats when it became the all and be all in my life. For almost two years of near constant use at huge dosages and no real withdrawals or symptoms of withdrawal to feeling like a dope fiend. It led to more potent pills to methadone, to psych wards, to suboxone, to more psych wards, to treatment, to now and was over a decade in total time gone. It started all started with codeine though. I could walk away from that but my lower inhibitions and new thirst for opiates led to me going down a opiate rabbit hole.

Dude if you can walk away than do so. Codeine can be easy drug to step away from and you will be wiser for that.

It wasn't fun and if you honestly think your superman, there are millions who felt the same and are severely fucked forever.

It's only a matter of when, not if you will become addicted what happens from there can not be predicted at all.
 
Wow man, sorry to hear that! Thanks for that. Hope you're doing better now! I know that I should walk away now while it's easier but I just cAnt. Maybe I don't want to.... I tell myself no, but by night time, I just need to. Even if it's buying cocodamol over the counter or if I can't get any pills it's alcohol. I just need something to alter my conciousness
 
Wow I am sorry to hear this... you certainly have an addiction. It's also called a co-occurring dependency (I believe thats the proper wording). I felt the same way when I tried opiates.... I loved it and didn't want to stop, then I couldn't stop. First the Lortabs or norcos, then oxycodone, eating and snorting these turned into IVing dilaudid pain killers, which all eventually lead to shooting heroin. I say the co-occurring because I have serious anxiety disorder, which it sounds like you may also, plus you said there is a history in your family of alcoholism and depression. Co-occuring dependency issues are when you self-medicate, using drugs to help ease your mental issues or illnesses. This is a big problems in my life which is why I noticed right away that it looks like you have the same things going on. What I wish I would have done (not telling you what to do) is gone to a doctor and explain everything to them. Exactly how I was feeling and what I was doing about it. I'm sure the end result would be the doctor prescribing the proper medication for the conditions. Wouldn't you rather feel the way you should and feel good everyday without doing anything dangerous, illegal, and harmful? Addiction is a beast, and if you don't feel the physical withdrawal symptoms yet, your lucky. Because you will if you keep going. This truly is a bad path to walk down... you are playing with fire... and yes get out now! While you still can! If you are not even in pain and taking opiates, chances are you need something similar to me such as alprazolam (xanax) or other anxiety meds and possibly anti depression meds, for I stance I'm now prescribed xanax and celexa. However I also have to take subutex which is for the severe pain I go through due to detox and withdrawal from a heroin addiction I could have avoided by addressing the real problems instead of self-medicating with whatever made me feel great. I'm sorry I'm not trying to preach to you I just wish someone would have told me that... good luck to you!
 
Yes celexa is an anti-depressant and xanax is for like breakthrough, she gives me like 15mg for 3 months worth of the xanax... total bullshit and I wind up spending a bunch of money buying them on the streets since my 90 day script lasts me more like 15 days! But thats a whole other issue...
And don't get me wrong, I have been taking xanax for like damn near a decade and have been abusing opiates for about 4... there were many other factors that lead to heroin... so I'm not saying you will end up like me I'm just saying that what you are doing is dangerous, and there are better options!
 
Thank you so much. it's great to finally speak to people who understand. I don't know why I do it, I find myself rummaging through friends and familys medicine cupboards, because I'm at that scary point where codiene and DHC don't do much for me, and I'm determined not to go down that dangerous path of hard narcotics! I've never felt the need to do it because of depression, more and escape, something I really enjoy! Like how someone would enjoy and steak and chocolate. But I'm at that point where enough is enough but I'm not sure I can do it
 
Like you said about steak and chocolate, find something to replace it with. A hobby, food, exercise, a person, pet, class, anything. If an escape is what you need that can be simole as a hot bath or a good book or a nice walk. You are one of those people on the boarderline it seems and I would just hate to see you cross over!
 
Opiates and benzos will only bring misery, the longer you do them the worse it gets. Kratom might be good for helping you come off of stronger opiates, to taper down but should be done as a way to help you quit, not a replacement. And it is legal :)

I decided last year that I wanted to reduce my use and got more serious near the end of last year, and lately I've been getting so much support that I know it's time for me to quit and go live life!
Just find other things to do. And loneliness and boredom are two things that really make escape with drugs so appealing. And you need to feel needed and I really think the real key to happiness for most of us is finding a way to help others and the world. You can do that, in some capacity - probably more than you know. And if you haven't made any efforts to do positive things for others much, you probably don't know what you are missing. Just have to find the right way to go about it.

Hope you give up any opiates and downers. I won't say don't do anything at all, but those are really destructive. As are many/most/all stronger uppers. Things to avoid.
Peace and love <3
Tryptamine*Dreamer
 
Thanks psych major and tryptamine*dreamer. I've always been known as a loner and rather spending time myself than with other people, I've got no close friends, probably because of this habit. Right now I really feel lazy and ultimately selfish because I've always found making friends and getting out hard so always chosen the easier option of being by yourself with some pills. Thanks again so much for the advice guys you've really woken me up!
 
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