"Where were you?" they said. And i didn't know how to answer. I've been here, just not my usual self. I've done more observing and less writing, less commenting. But i've been here. I used to laugh when people said "I need to find myself." What does that mean? But now i know. And i took the past few weeks to do just that. And those last couple happy poems... they were like a light-hearted intermission in what is seemingly just a long, drawn-out nightmare. and the nightmare continues...
It All Comes Back to You.
1.15.02
Nights were never so black and cold
The weight of winter was in the air and in my heart
Long before the first flakes of heaven hit the ground
And long before your icy heart touched mine again for the first time in awhile
All the sunshine that had mysteriously swifted into my world
Seemed to shatter and be knocked to the wind
The second you walked through that door
It was gone as soon as i had it...
But that's to be expected of you.
You come, you take, you break, you leave
And i'm left with misery and misty nights
The puzzle pieces of my life that were finally starting to come together to form this awesome picture
Are scattered again and pieces are missing in all the most prominent areas.
My heart is bitter,
And i feel it spilling over into the crevaces of my soul,
In the places that the sunshine had kissed and left to die
You look at me, and nothing can be the same anymore
All the rules broken, all the cards played
What's left is a girl who's just a shadow of some princess
Who had it all, but only in her head
Yellow roses poured into my room like a mystical garden growing in a dark alley
This mystery guy in all his glory sent my life into a frenzy
With his sweet words and his gentle touch and his amazingness
He took everything bad you had left me with and crumbled it
He smashed your image in my head and replaced it with the truth...
I let him into the places in me that i swore not to let anyone go ever again
I watched myself fall, very carefully, very intimidatingly, for this angel
And with every kiss, I was reminded of the day i thought i had finally let you go...
The room was never brighter than when he walked into it
And when he left the essence was as sweet as the Orange Chicken that we had once shared...
But it all comes back to you...
Eventually.
And i sigh, i cry, i shiver, i yell, i weep...
Because i know it will always be that way.
No matter how bad you hurt me,
You still got the better end of the deal
All the way up to the end
And it's that notion that wont let me enjoy new love, and sunshine, and yellow roses, and kisses that taste like Orange Chicken....
No, it all comes back to you
With the prettier girl
The better job
And the better life handed to you on a silver platter
It all comes back to you...
You can crush my dreams from even 200 miles away
With so much as a word or a thought
I wish you could just continue to fade into the background of my life like you once had,
When i wasn't good enough to spend your Friday nights with,
When what i cooked wasn't good enough
When what i said didnt mean enough
I'm not even me anymore...
I'm still that young, foolish, naive girl who can't let go
And not a day goes by that i dont hate you
And hate myself for letting you show me what hell is.
Now that perfect stranger is gone out of my life just as quickly as he came
And he doesn't understand why
And i broke yet another heart
and things are fucked up again as usual
It all comes back to you...
whether i want it to, or not.
[ 15 January 2002: Message edited by: E-girl ]
It All Comes Back to You.
1.15.02
Nights were never so black and cold
The weight of winter was in the air and in my heart
Long before the first flakes of heaven hit the ground
And long before your icy heart touched mine again for the first time in awhile
All the sunshine that had mysteriously swifted into my world
Seemed to shatter and be knocked to the wind
The second you walked through that door
It was gone as soon as i had it...
But that's to be expected of you.
You come, you take, you break, you leave
And i'm left with misery and misty nights
The puzzle pieces of my life that were finally starting to come together to form this awesome picture
Are scattered again and pieces are missing in all the most prominent areas.
My heart is bitter,
And i feel it spilling over into the crevaces of my soul,
In the places that the sunshine had kissed and left to die
You look at me, and nothing can be the same anymore
All the rules broken, all the cards played
What's left is a girl who's just a shadow of some princess
Who had it all, but only in her head
Yellow roses poured into my room like a mystical garden growing in a dark alley
This mystery guy in all his glory sent my life into a frenzy
With his sweet words and his gentle touch and his amazingness
He took everything bad you had left me with and crumbled it
He smashed your image in my head and replaced it with the truth...
I let him into the places in me that i swore not to let anyone go ever again
I watched myself fall, very carefully, very intimidatingly, for this angel
And with every kiss, I was reminded of the day i thought i had finally let you go...
The room was never brighter than when he walked into it
And when he left the essence was as sweet as the Orange Chicken that we had once shared...
But it all comes back to you...
Eventually.
And i sigh, i cry, i shiver, i yell, i weep...
Because i know it will always be that way.
No matter how bad you hurt me,
You still got the better end of the deal
All the way up to the end
And it's that notion that wont let me enjoy new love, and sunshine, and yellow roses, and kisses that taste like Orange Chicken....
No, it all comes back to you
With the prettier girl
The better job
And the better life handed to you on a silver platter
It all comes back to you...
You can crush my dreams from even 200 miles away
With so much as a word or a thought
I wish you could just continue to fade into the background of my life like you once had,
When i wasn't good enough to spend your Friday nights with,
When what i cooked wasn't good enough
When what i said didnt mean enough
I'm not even me anymore...
I'm still that young, foolish, naive girl who can't let go
And not a day goes by that i dont hate you
And hate myself for letting you show me what hell is.
Now that perfect stranger is gone out of my life just as quickly as he came
And he doesn't understand why
And i broke yet another heart
and things are fucked up again as usual
It all comes back to you...
whether i want it to, or not.
[ 15 January 2002: Message edited by: E-girl ]
Be honest with yourself, do you really ever want this person back now that you've grown past him? I bet if you reach deep down, your answer would be, "No."
