TDS Isn't it ironic? (Don't you think?)

[villian]

I'll try to keep it brief, but I found today's days events interesting enough that I decided I would share.

Let me start by saying I had a seizure last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and then went grand mal. I have had seizures before, all benzo related, but this was my first in 3 or 4 years. This seizure was not benzo related. I don't have insurance and I'm not eligible for Medicaid.

So my day understandably started off terribly. I didn't get back to sleep, I was in pain all day with a severe headache, I ended up vomiting a couple times as well after the seizure so it was a long dreadful night. Did I mention my 7 year old nephew is staying here too? Kids are fucking loud.

So someone has owed me $400 for some time now. This is a large amount of money to me and I needed it a long time ago and I finally got it back today. I was so happy because I was stressed about not only the seizure, but all the homework I have due Sunday at midnight as well as more due Monday morning. So I felt good to at least have enough money in my pocket I didn't have to worry for a few days.

A girl I've known a long time, real nice girl, asked me to write the check over to her and she would give me the cash later that night because of blahblahblah. I trusted her, she had never done me wrong, so I told her sure and signed the check over to her where she managed to get it cashed on someplace open Saturday.

Well, time comes for her to pay me and I haven't heard from her. It turns out she went and bought a bunch of coke and oxy and threw herself a little party. I knew she was an occasional drug user, but I had not reason to expect anything like this would happen. I guess she went to the gas station all geeked up on powder and a cop came in and my friend lost her cool and the cop started questioning her. She got searched and had the oxy on her. She got locked up.

Well, you think I'd be fucking furious because I *NEEDED* this money, I'd been looking forward to this money and I am pretty fucked without this money at the worst possible time. But I was only mad for about 2 seconds.

You know why?

Because I've done this exact same type of shit to people in the past. I've robbed my good friends. I slept with my best friend's girlfriend. I was always doing dipshit stuff because I was on benzos.

I am nothing like my old self anymore. I don't steal, cheat, lie, or steal. I am a loving friend and son and I try my best to provide support to those that I care about.

So while I am a bit upset that my financial situation is completely uncertain right now, to the point that multiple bills are past due, I can only chuckle at myself.

Karma.

This is the most obvious sign of the universe reminding me of my previous self I have ever experienced. It is a hard lesson and I take no joy in it, but I needed to be reminded of the pain I have caused others so that I remember to work everyday to earn the respect of those around me.

I will forgive my friend. She made a mistake. Her mistake cost me very dearly, and I'm honestly completely unsure where I can go from here. I have been guilty of equally erroneous acts myself, so I shall cast no stone.

Wish me luck figuring out how not to get kicked out until my Pell money arrives.

 

[spork]

I'm sorry you've had a rough time lately, but it takes a very strong person to be able to forgive your friend like you did especially in such a short amount of time. That's a great asset to have and will be good for you in the long run. Forgiving especially is hard when you don't hear an apology, but it's the best thing to do for yourself because oftentimes it's the only way you can let go and continue on with your life. Sooo so much kudos on that. You handles something that could have easily been a source of anger for years with a ton of dignity and respect.

As for the seizures...I know you don't have insurance, but does your school offer health services? I know that many schools do and it's free to students. It's definitely worth looking into if you haven't already. It sounds like you're taking care of your mind, but you need to take care of your body too. Please do what you can to do so.

Definitely feel you on the financial aid money coming through. I'm going through that as well right now and it's extremely frustrating. I wish it would go at lease a *little* bit faster so I could have peace of mind. I don't think they can kick you out, so try not to worry about that.

 

[villian]

Thanks Spork. Sadly, my school does not offer health insurance. I have a doctor I used to get suboxone from that I will go see if I have any more seizure type activity but I know that seizures occasionaly happen so the single one doesn't scare me enough to put the doc on my credit card. If I had a second one I would go the same day (assuming I could drive.)

I don't think I'm at risk of getting kicked out really, I have enough money to pay my bills in a fashion where worst case scenario I might lose cable/internet and my cell phone (for a few days until I could pay it)

I'm so glad I decided to go back to school and there will soon been a day when I'm not worrying about money.

And like I mentioned in another thread to you the other day, I have the Key West/Universal trip in early April with my bestie to look forward too.

While the short term may suck, I just have to take the long view

 

[herbavore]

While the short term may suck, I just have to take the long view

I think that outlook can be the key to so much good in life.

I am amazed that you were able to have the attitude that you had about the stolen money, considering that you needed that money so badly. Karma or not, it was a horrible thing to go through. That you are able to forgive with such ease speaks loads about your character but I hope you will also hold her responsible for her actions.

I am pretty worried about the seizure, though. This seizure was not drug related? It just hit out of the blue? I think my own brain is about to explode right now as I once again experience the rage over the lack of basic health care for people in a country full of riches. If that doesn't put all morality in perspective, I don't know what does.

Take care man. You are inspiring.

 

[stardust.hero]

villian I'm sad to hear about your predicament. I hear your on karma, there are many things I wouldn't be able to blame if they were done to me since I've done them to others. Karma will eventually get us all whether it be the good kind or the bad.

Take care of yourself man, I'm happy to hear you'll hopefully be able to make due without getting kicked out until some moneyflow starts again.

 

[villian]

Thank you for the kind words everyone.

I am pretty worried about the seizure, though. This seizure was not drug related? It just hit out of the blue? I think my own brain is about to explode right now as I once again experience the rage over the lack of basic health care for people in a country full of riches. If that doesn't put all morality in perspective, I don't know what does.

No, this seizure was not drug related because the only thing I'm currently using is marijuana, and this happened 12+ hours after the last time I had smoked.

This was the first non-drug related seizure I have ever had, and yes, it hit completely out of nowhere. I would be lying if I'm not worried about it, I would certainly see the doctor if I could afford it, but I'm not worried about it enough to max out my credit card.

My father had a seizure once in Alaska many years ago when he was on base out there for the Chair Force. He only had that one seizure his entire life and he wasn't diagnosed with epilepsy and they never actually determined what caused it. I am using this completely anecdotal story as a way to make myself feel better and pretend what I am doing is not that dangerous.

As far as the complete failure of the United States to provide affordable medical care, well, you are preaching to the choir. I wrote a 12 page (single space!) paper about the state of our health care system last semester and the more you actually get into the details the more disgusting it gets.

So basically I guess what I'm saying is I know my situation is far from ideal, and I am actually a bit nervous (scared?) about the seizure but at this point there is simply nothing I can do about it I just have to suck it up and hope for the best.

I still have $8000 of medical debt from when I had a seizure in 2006. I was in the hospital for less then 4 hours. Even though the debt is supposed to expire off your credit report after 7 years the hospital sold the debt to another debt collector which renews the 7 year period so this $8000 (which is actually likely going up with fees and interest) will be on my credit report until at least 2020. The funny thing is, I had a seizure at work and when I woke up the ambulance was already there. I told them I didn't want to go to the hospital but they said I wasn't in a state to refuse care so I basically had no choice in the matter. What it all boils down to is I got charged $8000 for a service I didn't want and explicitly told the EMT this. Needless to say, I'm never going to an ER again.