Desperate Is what I'm having ok?

[Max.christie]

Hi I'm new to this site and find it all very Informative. Just a bit about me, very addictive, was an alcoholic from 14-32. I'm now 40 and don't drink and I've been dabing in things for the year. I had a mate to stay who was a drug addict, he introduced me to wead. I had never had any drugs and it have me the same kind of relaxation as drink, just don't feel as relaxed. I vape it and have 3drags before I start work, a few during the day and another at 5pm. It just keeps me going. Then I suck the nicotine mints, I have 4mg tablets, between 20-30 aday. I also love codeine and have 2-3 a day of the T3's. Or if I have them somthing stronger. I work 7am to 5pm 5 days a week and have a wife and three kids to come to. They haven't a clue I have any of this. I would be kicked out probably if they did, or sent to rehab. I had bad depression when I was in my 20's and have venlafaline 300mg a day. I also have high blood pressure so on 8mg of perenderprill. I will take whatever I get my hands on to feel different. Am I totally screwed? Do I need counselling or is this normal? Glad of any helpful advise. My only concern is how tired I am all the time. Really need to have a big pick me up at 3pm which I'm not sure what to have.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You are not totally screwed. I am surprised you could keep this from your family for (what I assume) is a very long time.

I am a little confused as to what you are actually using and how much.

So you're on weed, nicotine gum, codeine, venlafaline and blood pressure meds?

Taking codeine 2-3 times a day is not that major, but HOW MUCH are you taking 2-3 times a day? big difference

Everyone on this site would love to help and advise you but we need a little more information.

Either way you are NOT totally screwed. Trust me when I say a lot of people here are wayyyy more screwed than you. We just might need a little more info to advise.

Explain more, man, what's really going on? don't be afraid to open up to us even though we are strangers. Trust me when I say we have heard way worse and stranger life stories. Yours seems quite mild compared (no offense!). I feel like there are other issues besides the drugs. Open up man. You will get some very credible advice here.

 

[Max.christie]

Odeine I have 2 or 3 of the T3's or T4's depending what I can get. I just always seem to be wanting or need more and different drugs to try but I don't want to do the hard stuff. I have bad anxiety so used to have valium a lot but I need uppers to give me energy which is why I was doing codeine and weed. But I want some suggestions, would it be best just sticking to one thing or is it a good idea to mix?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Odeine I have 2 or 3 of the T3's or T4's depending what I can get. I just always seem to be wanting or need more and different drugs to try but I don't want to do the hard stuff. I have bad anxiety so used to have valium a lot but I need uppers to give me energy which is why I was doing codeine and weed. But I want some suggestions, would it be best just sticking to one thing or is it a good idea to mix?

What uppers do you use? You didn't explain that. Again I feel like there is more to your story than you are explaining. You didn't mention valium or uppers in your first post.

Mixing drugs is generally always a bad idea.

You sound like you are definitely a few paces down the path towards addiction but it sounds like you aren't telling your full story.

Nobody here is going to care or judge you, nobody here gives a shit if you use drugs. Tell us more. Literally nobody here is going to judge you and I feel like there is some deniability in your story. Nobody here gives a fuck, we just want to help. Please realize that.

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

Also you didn't explain you are on benzos. Still?

Effexor too?

You are mixing benzos, opiates, anti d's, and weed. That isn't good. You should stop anything that isn't prescribed to you for now. For 30 days at least to see. Maybe you do have a problem.

 

[Max.christie]

I have never spoken to other drug users and I suppose we are all different, I don't class my self as a drug user exactly as I don't do hard drugs. As I say the only uppers I have are codeine and when I can get them benzos. I bought 140 a month ago and probably only had 10. But as I work I'm always scared of taking to much. I don't really enjoy just being on the edge, I feel like I want to blast my head off with a whole load to see how I feel, however I'm always to scared I case y manager finds out.
I'm not hiding anything just never told anyone what I take before. I'm the only living soul thst knew up until tonight so I already feel a bit better about it. Good to her from folks that use meds to self medicate, I had a good lot of friends from AA when I stopped drinking but I moved to Canada and never found anyone I can talk to so just been doing it alone. I suppose my big weakness is I can't stop for a few days because when I've tried I'm just miserable and not worth being around, and when I'm to high I contact girls and get I to trouble!

 

[Jabberwocky]

I have never spoken to other drug users and I suppose we are all different, I don't class my self as a drug user exactly as I don't do hard drugs. As I say the only uppers I have are codeine and when I can get them benzos. I bought 140 a month ago and probably only had 10. But as I work I'm always scared of taking to much. I don't really enjoy just being on the edge, I feel like I want to blast my head off with a whole load to see how I feel, however I'm always to scared I case y manager finds out.
I'm not hiding anything just never told anyone what I take before. I'm the only living soul thst knew up until tonight so I already feel a bit better about it. Good to her from folks that use meds to self medicate, I had a good lot of friends from AA when I stopped drinking but I moved to Canada and never found anyone I can talk to so just been doing it alone. I suppose my big weakness is I can't stop for a few days because when I've tried I'm just miserable and not worth being around, and when I'm to high I contact girls and get I to trouble!

Codeine and benzos are not uppers, they are downers. Do they make you feel up/stimulated? that's normal but not uppers

You mention a case manager... what type? what's going on man?

trust me when I say you are in a very good community to discuss these things. We aren't AA. We aren't going to profess you need to be sober. We are most interested in harm reduction. We want you to be happy, healthy and feel better no matter what drugs you use and what your life situation is. We don't judge, we help.

Let's discuss what drugs you are actually doing and how often. That's the first step here. We want to help you!!!

 

[Max.christie]

Yes they make me feel stimulated. But my mate I had staying was into speed and coke which I've never tried and been wondering about them. I have alreafy explained what I have

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yes they make me feel stimulated. But my mate I had staying was into speed and coke which I've never tried and been wondering about them. I have alreafy explained what I have

You have, but not clearly and never mentioned the valium.

How much are you actually using of each drug? Have you seen a psychiatrist or therapist? Let's go from there...

 

[Joey]

There is a wealth of people and and information here geared to harm reduction and total recovery if you keep browsing the site. Perhaps I’ll send this thread over to the Dark Side where it will get some more attention. @Max.christie

welcome to Bluelight and I hope you can find what you need here. This site has been a godsend for me.

 

[Joey]

Moved

 

[HatingThisLife]

I think I've got the jist of what you're saying, as for the manager, you mean at work and you're worried about being found out. Same as at home. It also sounds like you are worried about the stigma of addiction and hard drugs. It really sounds like you are struggling with anxiety and depression.

From what Ive heard about antidepressants from friends amd family members who were prescribed is that they arent always a good fit amd sometimes they might start as a good fit but later not work as well. It sounds like that might be your case and you should probably tell your doctor that you are miserable and want to switch to something else. You will likely have to wean off whatever you are on then go on something else. That might even help with your energy levels.

Opiates give you euphoria so it's no surprise the codeine is doing that for you. You will eventually build a tolerance and start needing more or something stronger to get the same euphoria. Codeine really is actually very weak in most opiate users opinion. Taking a large amount probably really isn't all that great for your body bc of all the acetaminophen. If you want to continue using opiates, consider moving on to percocet or lorecet, you wont need to take as many at a time as your are the codeine. Be careful though, it's a slippery slope and a longway downhill that can be hard to get back up.

It might even be that your energy dip midday is due to the codeine pills wearing off.

It's not a good idea to mix benzos with opiates, and then definitely a worse idea to mix alcohol with both.

I would start making an appointment with the doctor prescribing your antidepressants and try to go on something else.