Harambulus
Greenlighter
ive been stuck on a plateau for a loong long time and with progress being so painfully slow im wondering if im ever gonna reach my goals.
ive only used speed recreationally really in the past but now im thinking that the intense focus could be an elixir to shoot me through my sticking points.
Ive been thinking how speed could be for me like what steroids are for bodybuilders.
Converse to recreational use which is easily written off as just a binge (but likewise id feel guilty that id just spent the whole night -literally- jacking off), the trouble with this is i wonder, if it WAS successful then that is going to have placed a strong positive anchour to me wanting to use it again in the future is it not thus being more dependent on it?
My rational is that id use it just to reach the next level and the fruits of my labour would keep me motivated to continue without it. If i was seeing reuslts from what im doing now i wouldnt want anything but because its such a grind and ive been knocked back so much i have had my motivation sapped wondering if i can do it at all alot of the time. I just feel I havent got the willpower to put effort in due to this mountain of negative feedback.
The main issue is ive felt stuck for so long with only knockbacks that i am losing motivation and hope while putting the hours in sober. My current situation has really been sapping my willpower to the core. With speed i recall it transforming even the most mundane tasks into a semi orgasmic frolic as i revel in the most menial of chores like they have some super intrinsic meaning to me like i am a perfectly functioning cog in the machine.
So the two negative eventualities ive been thinking are- Stay in misery with no clear sight of ever reaching success. -or- Swapping misery for addiction.
Third way is i escape addiction and achieve my goals, but as i say its a risk and im already brimming with stress such that i hate taking risks these days so been very dubious about doing it but at the same time the misery of failure has been forcing me to look at otehr options in a 'by any means necessary (within reason)' type of way
So im interested to hear ppls personal experiences of using speed or other similar study aids expressly to help them achieve better results and how that affects their relationship with the substance good/bad?
ie have you been able to use it in specific situations to get a job done and not have to rely on it again or were you more apt to use it again when in a pinch. see if its used just to get to the new level can it just be jettisoned off and forgotten about -like how when using a rocket to enter space- that is what gives you the initial boost to leave the atmosphere then you can just dump it once you get your own momentum in space or did does it not work like that?
Also when your leg is broken you use crutches to get you back on your feet and building up the strength of your bones then you dump the crutches once your leg is strong again.
ive only used speed recreationally really in the past but now im thinking that the intense focus could be an elixir to shoot me through my sticking points.
Ive been thinking how speed could be for me like what steroids are for bodybuilders.
Converse to recreational use which is easily written off as just a binge (but likewise id feel guilty that id just spent the whole night -literally- jacking off), the trouble with this is i wonder, if it WAS successful then that is going to have placed a strong positive anchour to me wanting to use it again in the future is it not thus being more dependent on it?
My rational is that id use it just to reach the next level and the fruits of my labour would keep me motivated to continue without it. If i was seeing reuslts from what im doing now i wouldnt want anything but because its such a grind and ive been knocked back so much i have had my motivation sapped wondering if i can do it at all alot of the time. I just feel I havent got the willpower to put effort in due to this mountain of negative feedback.
The main issue is ive felt stuck for so long with only knockbacks that i am losing motivation and hope while putting the hours in sober. My current situation has really been sapping my willpower to the core. With speed i recall it transforming even the most mundane tasks into a semi orgasmic frolic as i revel in the most menial of chores like they have some super intrinsic meaning to me like i am a perfectly functioning cog in the machine.
So the two negative eventualities ive been thinking are- Stay in misery with no clear sight of ever reaching success. -or- Swapping misery for addiction.
Third way is i escape addiction and achieve my goals, but as i say its a risk and im already brimming with stress such that i hate taking risks these days so been very dubious about doing it but at the same time the misery of failure has been forcing me to look at otehr options in a 'by any means necessary (within reason)' type of way
So im interested to hear ppls personal experiences of using speed or other similar study aids expressly to help them achieve better results and how that affects their relationship with the substance good/bad?
ie have you been able to use it in specific situations to get a job done and not have to rely on it again or were you more apt to use it again when in a pinch. see if its used just to get to the new level can it just be jettisoned off and forgotten about -like how when using a rocket to enter space- that is what gives you the initial boost to leave the atmosphere then you can just dump it once you get your own momentum in space or did does it not work like that?
Also when your leg is broken you use crutches to get you back on your feet and building up the strength of your bones then you dump the crutches once your leg is strong again.
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