*** copied from BL journal ***
I only have a few things to do tomorrow and am worried that, after the way i was thinking today, will I do what I shouldn't do? I was setting myself up earlier today to get some dope. I had money in my pocket and that was a huge trigger for me. Fuck! I worked tonight and now I have more loot.
I want to sleep in as long as possible, take my time with the shit i gotta do tomorrow but that still won't cover the hours of the day.
I still am not sure of my commitment to staying off drugs. Why can't I get high and be clean at the same time? That would be so nice to still hang around the amazing people in NA and still be high.
Drugs aren't a social thing for me though. I don't want to be around ANYONE when I'm doing my thing. I like my personal 'high' little world and there is only room for one.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I can't die yet, though. I have a strong feeling that my next shot will be 'the one'. I don't know if its because I want it to be the one or if i recognize my own stupidity and foresee doing the same amounts with a lower tolerance.
There is no such thing as 'one more'.
I think tomorrow is going to be a bad day
I only have a few things to do tomorrow and am worried that, after the way i was thinking today, will I do what I shouldn't do? I was setting myself up earlier today to get some dope. I had money in my pocket and that was a huge trigger for me. Fuck! I worked tonight and now I have more loot.
I want to sleep in as long as possible, take my time with the shit i gotta do tomorrow but that still won't cover the hours of the day.
I still am not sure of my commitment to staying off drugs. Why can't I get high and be clean at the same time? That would be so nice to still hang around the amazing people in NA and still be high.
Drugs aren't a social thing for me though. I don't want to be around ANYONE when I'm doing my thing. I like my personal 'high' little world and there is only room for one.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I can't die yet, though. I have a strong feeling that my next shot will be 'the one'. I don't know if its because I want it to be the one or if i recognize my own stupidity and foresee doing the same amounts with a lower tolerance.
There is no such thing as 'one more'.
I think tomorrow is going to be a bad day