Is This MDMA Recovery or Benzo Withdrawal? Wtf

[Cudi]

So I made another post around a week ago stating that I was really fucking stupid for about 6-7 days in mid december, where I rolled 6 days in a row while also abusing the shit out of Diclazepam, an RC benzo. And also alcohol. Horrible mixture, yes I now realize that. Basically I blacked out for the entire week. No exaggeration, I am missing an entire week of my memory. I broke all my own rules of never take MDMA more than once in a 3 month period. The diclazepam is surely the reason I broke that one very important rule. No inhibitions.

Ok now to the point. I've struggled in the past with panic attacks. I've withdrawled from benzos twice before. I've never suffered any *serious* MDMA side effects after use in the past. Well, it's now been about 11-12 days since using any substance. The first few days I barely remember except that I cried a lot and was severely depressed. No benzo withdrawal symptoms. Fast forward to yesterday. I barely dodged (what would have been) a serious panic attack. This morning when I woke up, the bones in my arms felt weak and tingly, the first telltale signs for me of benzo withdrawal. Having been through it twice, I know the symptoms when they appear. More symptoms as well but I don't need to get into detail.

BUT. Why so delayed? Could it be the.. MDMA abuse? I really fucking hope not. Because I'd rather go through something I've gone through before and am familiar with than enter the void with MDMA abuse recovery. Benzo WD usually started for me less than 48 hours after quitting. Never has it been delayed 10 days. I've never abused MDMA until earlier this month. So I wouldn't know if this is some normal shit to feel 10 days after a last roll. I can say this: I DO feel really fucking cognitively slow right now. My short term memory is FUCKED right now. I feel incredibly anxious. I do not feel happy. My vision is also fucked. HPPD like stuff.

TL;DR--- Earlier this month I abused MDMA and Diclazepam simultaneously. For 6 days. 10 days after using either of them, I began to experience symptoms similar to benzo WD which I've gone through twice. However, never has it taken this long for these symptoms to appear. This leads me to suspect it could be the MDMA recovery process. If so, this is completely fucked. I know tomorrow is going to be worse because today was worse than yesterday.

What do you all think. Is this WD from the Diclazepam or recovery from some probably pretty bad neurological damage I caused from MDMA? And when can I expect things to get better or go back to *normal*? Or should I expect nothing to get better because I was really really stupid and abused a drug known to cause brain damage when abused?

 

[scatterday]

My personal opinion is it's a combination of both drugs. Primarily the RC benzodiazepine you took. I was heavily addicted to alprazolam and even after tapering off the withdrawals lasted months.

You will recover quite quickly just don't abuse that combination ever again.

Feel free to ask any more questions.

 

[Cudi]

My personal opinion is it's a combination of both drugs. Primarily the RC benzodiazepine you took. I was heavily addicted to alprazolam and even after tapering off the withdrawals lasted months.

You will recover quite quickly just don't abuse that combination ever again.

Feel free to ask any more questions.

Yeah man I learned my lesson for sure. I've got an underlying panic disorder and it's now been exasperated because of this latest binge. Just hoping it goes away within next couple weeks if I stay sober and keep working out and eating healthy.

And wow even after tapering you had bad WD symptoms? Did you use the Ashton Manual for your taper? I too have abused Alprazolam and man... Wouldn't wish that cold turkey WD on anyone. Shit absolutely sucks the soul right out of a person.

 

[Mafioso]

I just came here to post this same thing, or something very similar. To the point- I'd recommend starting back up on benzo to stabilize, then taper off safely.

Recently started taking benzos for the last few weeks and was struggling to stop until I dosed a little molly, which I believe is actually methylone/mdmc/bk-mdma. Similar to mdma in pharmokinetics, but a much weaker serotonin agonist. Have been low dosing for 3 days in a row, after low dosing for 2 days prior, except with a moderate(but much lower than "normal") dose of benzos.

It definitely feels like it is pulling me out of the lingering depression that follows benzo abuse, but after the last 2 days I crashed really hard for 3 days, so I'm expecting a pretty hard crash after this round(probably tomorrow). It's been really strange though, once I noticed it wasn't MDMA and more amphetamine like, I started low dosing to where it was just barely noticeable and it made me confident enough not to crave the benzo. Definitely not a sustainable thing to do though, as I just took a bit too high of a dose I believe, which will lead to a crash. But I plan to slowly taper off the benzos like I had started doing already. The comedown of both are pretty horrendous and dark... I can relate to that.

 

[Cudi]

I just came here to post this same thing, or something very similar. To the point- I'd recommend starting back up on benzo to stabilize, then taper off safely.

Recently started taking benzos for the last few weeks and was struggling to stop until I dosed a little molly, which I believe is actually methylone/mdmc/bk-mdma. Similar to mdma in pharmokinetics, but a much weaker serotonin agonist. Have been low dosing for 3 days in a row, after low dosing for 2 days prior, except with a moderate(but much lower than "normal") dose of benzos.

It definitely feels like it is pulling me out of the lingering depression that follows benzo abuse, but after the last 2 days I crashed really hard for 3 days, so I'm expecting a pretty hard crash after this round(probably tomorrow). It's been really strange though, once I noticed it wasn't MDMA and more amphetamine like, I started low dosing to where it was just barely noticeable and it made me confident enough not to crave the benzo. Definitely not a sustainable thing to do though, as I just took a bit too high of a dose I believe, which will lead to a crash. But I plan to slowly taper off the benzos like I had started doing already. The comedown of both are pretty horrendous and dark... I can relate to that.

This is pretty much exactly what I decided on too. I've been dosing Etizolam twice a day the last couple days and it's helping keep the panic attacks at bay. Also the good thing about Etizolam is that it differs from most benzos: it's more difficult to become dependent on because of some weird chemical trait it possesses that other benzos/thienos do not have.