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Is there life after IV addiction?

.::slow.cheetah::.

.::slow.cheetah::.

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 25, 2014
Messages
50
I've been addicted to IV heroin/morphine and cocaine for about two years, and many years of opiate use before that, since I was 10 years old. I have finally come off everything, and am proud to be clean from opiates for 2 weeks today, and almost 2 months for cocaine. I've being trying my absolute hardest to stay away from it... and man, has it been tough.

However, I am still love with the needle. It is the first thing I think of every morning, and i find myself grieving all day, everyday. The cravings are absolutely exhausting, and some days, I simply can't leave the house because the cravings become so severe, I have panic attacks and spend the whole day crying in bed. When I was using, drugs replaced everything for me. There was no need for a girlfriend, hobbies, anything, because heroin/coke satisfied me.

I'd just like some advice from someone who has been through this. I smoke pot all day long, but quit drinking alcohol as it induced powerful cravings. I want nothing more than to live without this addiction, but I feel as though it is pointless to even bother. I know the cravings will always persist, but without the speedball, i live in a constant state of melancholy and feel completely lifeless. despite being clean for weeks. Has anyone actually beat this addiction? Any help is greatly appreciated, please don't judge.
 
how do you know the cravings will always persist?i havent had a craving in many years and i was an IV addict for several years..

its not gona be easy but you just have to try and find hobbies and other things to replace the pleasure of drugs..plus, id recommend cutting own on smoking pot..what do you enjoy doing besides drugs?thats where you should start..its difficult though and i couldnt believe how many things i did revolved around drugs..i had to change basically everything..
 
No one will judge my friend there are an incredible amount of people who have gone through what you are and also plenty of people here that will help you I feel you for one I was addicted to opiates for years and was addicted to iV heroin/coke mainly but I would shoot up just about anything for that rush getting off of heroin is one thing because it takes every bit of pain you have away and those speedballs are your bestfriend they beat sex and everything in between its like your little friend who will always pick you up when you are down but its also the devil a bitch and so on and the other thing the needle is an addiction in its own even without the drugs in the equation just puncturing the vein and pulling the plunger back seeing the blood flowning in the syringe knowing every bit of pain will go away in a second dont worry is like what its whispering to me I was clean from the needle heroin and coke and the needle for 190 days before I started up again/ relapsed but I know in my around 45 day mark clean from opiates I started getting a clearer head like a new door has opened and I can finally see through all the mess that was once in front of me by 2 and 3 months everything was getting good I mean I still craved it had urges had cravings but theu were better and I was once again feeling like I was becoming normal but I did happen to relapse and back in this shitty spiral but besides that point that doesnt matter what im trying to say is it does get better with time just take it one day at a time maybe find someone close and sober from your DOC or who has went through it you can talk to or possibly find a substance abuse counselor to help
 
belfort - I suppose i just assumed that the cravings and obsession would persist. I have had drug counsellors and psychiatrists tell me I will always have cravings. I don't want to think about it anymore, but drugs are always in the back of my mind. maybe that I will change when I am clean for a few months. It just feels like heartbreak to me, as if my soul mate is dead, although I am clear minded enough now, to see that there is no "love" in me pursuing my addiction. you must be so proud of yourself your days of shooting up are in the past.

and you couldn't be more spot on when you say you had to change everything. I did as well, even if that meant saying goodbye to some close friends. I got a job, started playing piano daily again (i basically stopped playing when I started IVing), and work out everyday. I am in better shape physically than ever. working out is so important to me now, because the more I excerise, the better I feel about myself, the less time I have to focus on my addiction.

i'm pretty dependent on smoking pot, I wouldn't say "addicted", but it helps me get through the day and takes my mind to a better place.
 
This is normal, man. Addiction is rough.. especially IV. It stays with you and is a very hard thing to shake. But, in time.. the cravings do begin to fade. I'm not going to lie, it will always be a part of you. But, you learn how to deal with it and manage it. The key is adding positive things to your life. Hobbies, good relationships, meetings if that's your thing, a good job, etc. You can't just stop a drug.. you have to replace it with positive things, otherwise you'll just feel empty, like a huge part of you is missing.

It's a rough road but there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you keep at it. I know it can feel so daunting and utterly hopeless at times, but there are many people who have come out the other side and live happy lives.

One of my buddies, he's in his 40's, has been using longer than I've been alive. He was deep deep into it. A hardcore heroin addict for 30 years. I never thought he'd get clean and neither did he. Thought he was gonna be a lifer, and die with the needle. But that guy now has 5 years clean, a baby girl, and an amazing wife he loves. He made it, man. And when I was at my worst, struggling to get clean and repeatedly failing, I thought of him. If he could do it, I could do it. I used it as motivation and I couldn't wait for the day when I could call him and finally say I was clean. I made that phone call last week and it felt fucking great.

So, it gets better man, trust me. As corny as it sounds, it really is just one day at a time.

I'm gonna move this over to The Recovery forums, because that is a great place to get support with getting clean, and there are some awesome people there who know exactly what you're going through that can help you.

I wish you the best of luck, my friend.

OD--->TDS
 
Howdy Cheetah,

Little over two weeks clean myself after six years.

Im not going to repeat what everyone else said, but two things.
Stop smoking weed all day and have you considered getting on an SSRI/SNRI?

I tried quitting before without the help of venlaxafine, and this time I got on it two months before I quit cold turkey.
I can say that this time around the feelings of depression, melancholy, lifelessness as you put it are MUCH MUCH
less. The depression associated with PAWs is what use to make me start using again every time. So the relief
I have this time around when the crippling depression didint kick in is amazing.

Something you may want to consider and lots of props for quitting and hitting two weeks!
 
thanks for moving my thread mr scagnattie, I'm new to blue light and wasn't aware there was a recovery section, and didn't know where to post. I used to see a drug counsellor team and psychiatrist when I lived in the city.

The drug counsellors were certainly helpful, but the psychiatrist was awful. I was put in a psyche ward due to a methadone overdose and self harm, so I thought it would help to see a professional. . I felt taken advantage of. He told me to just go on methadone (which was useless for me), and he just said "so what do you want then, xanax?" I started to see him to get OFF drugs, not get more. I understand that not all psychiatrists are like this, but I don't want to have to take drugs to be "normal".

captain chron, what you wrote is like word for word of what I go through as well. You should be so proud of yourself for getting 190 days, even if you did relapse. that is a huge accomplishment.

basically the hardest thought to break is, that I will never feel that rush again. When I used to see happy couples, I would never be jelous, because in my mind, me and the needle had a relationship that is like something out a fairy tale. It might be pathetic to cry everyday over quitting, but i am truly grieving a loss here.
 
^^^

Yeah. There is definitely a feeling of grief and a period of loss when you get clean. Despite all the negative consequences and destruction to your life drugs bring, you get very attached to them.. it's all you know. So, when they are gone.. it's normal to miss it. But that's why I said you have to replace it with positives like hobbies, relationships, work, things like that.

There are a lot of amazing aspects to life, and you have to learn to find that "rush" elsewhere, through healthy means. It can take a long time, but it's possible.
 
Everyone has given you valuable information maybe seek out a sponsor and get clean from everything seek out meetings that you can relate to one another in lerson express yourself out loud always helped me but yes like me and mr. Scag said which I am figuring you also got that saying from NA or AA take it one day at a time focus on the day and things you are looking for in that day not a week or.month down the road stay in the present
 
Captain.Heroin said:
^ included in friends. FWB. ;)

Just keep in mind this thread was moved to TDS. :)
Click to expand...

It's ok, in TDS, 2 + 2 is still equal to 4. No problems.

If I want to hear a fake ass speech about how drugs are bad from an ignoramus I would search it on youtube. If drugs are bad, why are they used in hospitals? By doctors? Why are they saving lives?
 
Addiction takes a snap shot. When we crave it sends us that snap shot, it says if you use you will feal wonderful. It sends us "memories" of how awesome use is. It whispers that we can feal this amazing way. It lies. lies, and lies its ass off. It only whispers that we will feal great, it never whispers how awful we feal the rest of the time. It never says that how it tells us we will feal is just a manipulation. It never brags how it steals our souls, that is how life is just really blah, how our fire is extinguished. It never says that we wont really feal the way it claims.. it never says dont you miss feeling itchy all the time, it never says dont you miss feeling sick all the time. it never whispers that the reason the drugs we are addicted to seem to make us feal so good is that they make us so sick the rest of the time. It never says hey come use again so you can feal that old guilty feeling, that shame, that soul crushing feeling of knowing your about to be real sick. It never says hey dont you miss all the anxiety of the cops and family members. It never says hey come use so you never feal real joy. It never says come use so wont likely be able to fall in love. It never says come use so everything else in life will mean nothing. It never says that the way it tells you you will feal will never happen again if it ever happened at all. mm

The reason they say we fantasize about useing is because the way we picture it is a total fantasy.. its not awesome, it the worst fucking thing in the world. If you can learn to see it for what it really is then you will no longer have trouble calling it on its lies.. if you take the time to think about exactly how you feal throughout the whole day in active addiction you will realize that its pure misery and the only reason the drugs felt good was because we felt so awful the rest of the time.

If you are able to see the big picture, the whole movie, then its real hard to fall for the manipulation that craving trows at us. If we see through the delusion then we wont get played.. call it on its lies so you dont get played.

I'm coming up on two years free from active addiction. I to was addicted to speed balls for a long time and xanax then ended up on methadone, oxy, and more xanax. cant leave out the strongest drug in the world either, the booze. I feal better 100% of the time now than I did 98% of the time when I was using. I the begining it was a littel rough esecially the first six months. in order to find some peace you will need to figure out a way to see through the delusions of addiction.

You will also find a great amount of benefit in changing your thinking. A really good one is to center your thoughts in the moment and the present. If we slip into the past we can get hit with really strong emotions of guilt, shame, anger, resentment, etc.. If we slip into the future we can get hit with anxiety, self doubt, hopelessness, fear etc. So its really good to stay focused in the moment and the present. This is good to as all we ever have is the present and learning to live in it and enjoy it can make a huge difference for addicts in recovery.

PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki
Exercise and Mood

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Managing depressive thinking

it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!
Here is the mindfulness thread.


Your doing great.. way to go.. It does get better quick and there are allot of things that you should explore to make it much more peaceful. Keep up the good work. :)
 
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At this point in my life I'm just hoping there is...My IV habbit wasn't enorumous compared to others but it still stays in my thoughts all day long(fucked up but I always think of the blood spurting into they syringe,my favorite part besides the rush...) and has pretty much ruined a reltionship I cherished dearly, which is just making me want to go out and do it more=(. I know that's not the answer. Had a dream the other night where I was in the bathroom mixing up a shot spilled the shot and through the syringe in the door like it was a dartboard,woke up and it felt so real,like I really just wasted a nice big shot...Needless to say instead of doing the right thing I went out scored some oxy and shot up with an old ass rig thats so dull it could stop a freight train in my hand and missed. Hand is ok thankfully! Very stupid of me though.
 
neversickanymore said:
Addiction takes a snap shot. When we crave it sends us that snap shot, it says if you use you will feal wonderful. It sends us "memories" of how awesome use is. It whispers that we can feal this amazing way. It lies. lies, and lies its ass off. It only whispers that we will feal great, it never whispers how awful we feal the rest of the time. It never says that how it tells us we will feal is just a manipulation. It never brags how it steals our souls, that is how life is just really blah, how our fire is extinguished. It never says that we wont really feal the way it claims.. it never says dont you miss feeling itchy all the time, it never says dont you miss feeling sick all the time. i t never whispers that the reason the drugs we are addicted to seem to make us feal so good is that they make us so sick the rest of the time. It never says hey come use again so you can feal that old guilty feeling, that shame, that soul crushing feeling of knowing your about to be real sick. It never says hey dont you miss all the anxiety of the cops and family members. It never says hey come use so you never feal real joy. It never says come use so wont likely be able to fall in love. It never says come use so everything else in life will mean nothing. It never says that the way it tells you you will feal will never happen again if it ever happened at all.

The reason they say we fantasize about useing is because the way we picture it is a total fantasy.. its not awesome, it the worst fucking thing in the world. If you can learn to see it for what it really is then you will no longer have trouble calling it on its lies.. if you take the time to think about exactly how you feal throughout the whole day in active addiction you will realize that its pure misery and the only reason the drugs felt good was because we felt so awful the rest of the time.
Click to expand...

Well said, addiction is a master lair! Preach on NSA!
 
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