jdpaul88
Bluelighter
So I recently had a traumatic experience after trying marijuana for the first time. I must say right away that I became a extremely anxious person after my father died when I was 16. Almost to the point where I stayed up late thinking about how I might die just as he did. It haunted me and caused me lie awake until 3 or 4 am every night. After a while I found some good hope through the greatest thing ever (my faith in Jesus Christ). The ability to sleep and not get anxious started to get better. I was functioning more and was thinking less about fearful thoughts and impending doom.I believe I had this predisposition due to a childhood filled with fearful experiences. My father would always scare me with the deep waters at swimming pools - sometimes he'd sneak up behind me and grab me and take me out to the shallow parts. I often half-trusted him but knew if I started to sink he'd save me. I was teased a lot by my brother when I was growing up with this idea of a rock monster that would live within the basement - we had an area on a far wall that was basically covered with flat rocks and a fireplace in the middle. I guess I was given to fear sort of - but at the same time I was very carefree. I'm 23 now and I had tried marijuana 3 or so weeks ago - I literally thought I was gonna die and the high sucked. I felt my body becoming warm and that my blood was gushing through my system. I felt the warmness and triggered it to my aorta and thought, "Oh No! This is where I am going to die and have an aortic dissection just like my dad did." My sister was always given to paranoia too and so she caught on and started to believe me but I didn't want to her to so I kind of simmered down I guess but it was very frightful. I saw the doctor at my campus where I go to school and we had a few talks and she gave me a script for some 0.25mg xanax to help my fearful thoughts/anxiety. Is there anything better I could ask for when I go back to see her since this first script was just a trial basis. As always, thanks for your help! I knew 0.25 is way too small and so I know I will ask for something better. Is there a benzo that deals better though with social outings - making you less paranoid or scared but more talkative and open - perhaps more than alprazolam would?

