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Is there anyone else out there like me?

Mr Methadone

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Joined
Mar 4, 2022
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Hello. I'm new to bluelight and I've been reading through post and I'm wondering if there is anyone else out there who's situation is similar. I am 45 yrs old. I got on methadone when I was 16yrs old and still in high school. At this point that means I've been in continuous methadone maintenance treatment for almost 30 years. I've never been off and only missed days a few times when it snowed in Alabama which is rare. I've been told by my Dr that there is not much research material to be found about someone on methadone for that long and that it's probably pretty rare. I was at 100mg for the first 4 or 5 years until my clinic dropped the 100mg cap and now I'm at 200mg a day. I'm phase 5 which means I go twice a month. I know without doubt I could not detox and live without it. I know myself and when my counselor ask I tell her "I'm a lifer" This bothers her and she says I'm selling myself short but it's true. At this point I've been on it far longer than I was ever not. I don't really remember what it was like to NOT be on it. So unless something changes I will probably die still dosing daily lol. I was recently injured VERY badly at work. A fugitive running from police came through the woods to the mine where I work as night security. He saw me sitting in my car and before I knew he was even there he shot me through the chest with a 30.06 rifle. He then came up to the car and tried cutting my throat to finish me. I came to and fought him off and escaped. After I got away he went on to murder my coworker and then commit suicide when police caught him. This was about 90 days ago on Thanksgiving day. Anyway this awful experience traumatized me and I'm suffering from PTSD. For the first time in about 20yrs I'm struggling to not use other drugs besides my methadone. I have been meddling with things I never did before. I'm hoping going up on my dose might help but my clinic makes it a pain in the ass for phase 5 patients to go up. Anyway, I just wanted to know, has anyone else out there been on it 30yrs? 20yrs? Are you healthy if you have? Long term effects?
 
Sorry I've only been on it 5 years, but that still seems like an eternity.
Well done for getting through that experience, I'm not surprised your sobriety is being tested.

Frankly I think you could give tapering down a go and see how your body responds and repairs, but probably not a good idea when you're feeling like this!
Going up might be a good idea.

Welcome to bluelight!
 
Thanks. Yeah I tried going down in 2011. It turned out bad. Very bad. I didn't even make it past about 65mg and was binge drinking. Just the thought of doing that again makes me anxious.
 
It is possible to get off imo, would probably be a long and tough process of tapering, probably over at least 2 years I would recommend if not more. I was on it "only" 6 years and when I started tapering I noticed that I felt better not only when I got completely off it but also as my dose lowered, emotions started to come back. Therefore I would recommend just trying to get your dose down to 100mg over 6mo to a year and then stay there until you are completely comfortable as a start, keep in mind you never have to do a reduction until you feel comfortable on the new lower dose. I always found that a 5-10% reduction only ever took about 1 month to adapt to and the worst of it was the first week which really wasnt all that bad also. How long did it take you when you first tapered to go from 100mg to 65mg?
 
Personally I think it's fine to be on just about any drug or combo of drugs for life.

Whether or not I continue to take (or do) anything comes down to this question:
Are the benefits greater than the drawbacks?
I look at things like:
  • Health risks
  • Cost
  • Sense of well-being
  • Personal relationships
  • Professional relationships
  • Safety
Weigh the pros and cons. If it works well, do it. If not, don't.
 
Exactly. The risk and crap that comes with detox causes turmoil in my life. I'm happy being on it for the most part. I don't like the stigma that comes with it. And people's ignorance of the facts when they have a big opinion about it. But I've learned to live with that
 
It is possible to get off imo, would probably be a long and tough process of tapering, probably over at least 2 years I would recommend if not more. I was on it "only" 6 years and when I started tapering I noticed that I felt better not only when I got completely off it but also as my dose lowered, emotions started to come back. Therefore I would recommend just trying to get your dose down to 100mg over 6mo to a year and then stay there until you are completely comfortable as a start, keep in mind you never have to do a reduction until you feel comfortable on the new lower dose. I always found that a 5-10% reduction only ever took about 1 month to adapt to and the worst of it was the first week which really wasnt all that bad also. How long did it take you when you first tapered to go from 100mg to 65mg?
I can't remember.
Hi @Mr Methadone & Welcome brother.
Thank you my friend
 
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