TDS Is their a time when you actually feel good about recovering?

[Phase0)))]

I have told myself so many times that I would quit the next day, now I realize that I only really said that while coming down off meth/crack/uppers or withdrawing or both.

It's like the next day I don't really care what I do and if I am withdrawing than goddamn I will do anything to be able to feel SOME comfort.

I'm 19 and I have been dependent on these drugs for almost 2 years now. I thought I would get over it as I grew older but I think I may have miscalculated.

Do you ever reach a point, maybe it has to be bottom, but a point where you are ready to stay committed to sobriety?

 

[ad lib]

Yes you will reach that point.

For me it took almost losing my job, losing a lot of friends, almost getting into an accident because I was high, and my body physically rejecting any opiate like substance I put in it by me vomiting and dry heaving for hours. At first I didn't want to get clean and I was very stubborn about it. You WILL get to a point where you have had enough and realize you need to get clean if you don't want to end up dead or totally wasting away. It takes time, but it'll happen- trust me.

 

[Ozekat]

Hey phase0))), I like the avatar! EW is a fun band.

Of course it gets better, otherwise no one would ever be sober (or stay sober) having lived a life full of drugs before hand. And we both know there are people out there that have successfully quit and live a fulfilling life. I trust some of those people are on the sober living boards, because in the end all we have to go on is faith that people aren't lying to us online. lol, got a little out there on that one.

I'm right there with ya, you know, with opiates but really anything I can get to feel SOME comfort, just like you say....be it weed, beers, uppers, downers. In the end its all the same and I'm learning by hanging around these boards that the very end of a life filled with hard drug addiction, the drugs don't even work anymore, not like they used to. People just continue to chase something that has changed, and will never be the same again.

I don't want that in my life.

I think that there is that point for a lot of us where we have to reach rock bottom first. But as far as I'm concerned I have been living on rock bottom for the past 2 fucking months. Its time to resurface.

 

[Ozekat]

Yes you will reach that point.

For me it took almost losing my job, losing a lot of friends, almost getting into an accident because I was high, and my body physically rejecting any opiate like substance I put in it by me vomiting and dry heaving for hours. At first I didn't want to get clean and I was very stubborn about it. You WILL get to a point where you have had enough and realize you need to get clean if you don't want to end up dead or totally wasting away. It takes time, but it'll happen- trust me.

Hey, why exactly were you throwing up any/all opiates? Was it some kind of psychological phenomena or what? Its curious, because I have been experiencing similar things lately when I snort/pop oxy. Its really weird, I get these brief flashes of wanting to throw up even though I know my tolerance is pretty high and I didn't take that much. And the norm is---well its not like nausea either, its strange......

 

[ad lib]

Hey, why exactly were you throwing up any/all opiates? Was it some kind of psychological phenomena or what? Its curious, because I have been experiencing similar things lately when I snort/pop oxy. Its really weird, I get these brief flashes of wanting to throw up even though I know my tolerance is pretty high and I didn't take that much. And the norm is---well its not like nausea either, its strange......

I honestly have no idea, because my tolerance was very high as well after 2 1/2 consecutive years of hydromorphone use. I think it was psychological more than physical. Psychologically I know I wanted to stop but physically I wouldn't allow myself. It seems like it was almost my body's way of rejecting it because deep down I didn't want it.

 

[Ozekat]

Well, for that you are truly lucky.

I experience an almost reverse relationship, though having the same end result as you, with heroin. Psychologically I want it so bad, but physically my body shuts it out and makes me sick, sick SICK for days after I use even a little bit of it. And I'm talking like a fucking BUMP. So I have some kind of fail-safe etched into my makeup, whether it is a physical allergy or a psychological phenomena, I'm glad its there. Because otherwise I would be off the deep end into heroin use by now, I know it.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Sometimes I feel good about being in recovery and am glad I'm doing it, other times I am angry and resentful and wish I wasn't (which is what I'm going through at the moment).

 

[aliencowstorm]

We all find a rock bottom, some lower than others. Some don't survive their rock bottom. I hope you find you are at your rock bottom and are ready to make the climb.

 

[kc2729]

I've been to that point where I'm just done with it. I was just sick of spending so much money, being sick when I would run out, always needing more. When you get to that point though, don't get to complacent after quitting, even if you feel like you're done for good. Those cravings can sneak up on you if you let yourself forget why you quit in the first place. Having a plan and good support system in place is so important.

 

[aliencowstorm]

I've been to that point where I'm just done with it. I was just sick of spending so much money, being sick when I would run out, always needing more. When you get to that point though, don't get to complacent after quitting, even if you feel like you're done for good. Those cravings can sneak up on you if you let yourself forget why you quit in the first place. Having a plan and good support system in place is so important.

This is so true. I tried kicking in early April, had about 9 days and relapsed HARD. This is the second take and I'm at day 14, but it's really just one day at a time. I'll keep a sobriety day, but from here on out it's what did I do today to stay clean and sober.

Today I went for my bike ride. I have an AA meeting I'm going to tonight. I didn't take a drink or put a drug in my body (at least a narcotic, nobody is taking away my advil).

 

[kc2729]

This is so true. I tried kicking in early April, had about 9 days and relapsed HARD. This is the second take and I'm at day 14, but it's really just one day at a time. I'll keep a sobriety day, but from here on out it's what did I do today to stay clean and sober.

Today I went for my bike ride. I have an AA meeting I'm going to tonight. I didn't take a drink or put a drug in my body (at least a narcotic, nobody is taking away my advil).

That's awesome, good luck to you! At this point I've been off opiates, my DOC, for almost three months. I've made it about this far before and relapsed because I let my guard down. One day at a time is so true, and each day is a decision. Some days are harder than others for sure. I do wonder if the cravings ever really go away though. You're doing great though, keep it up!

 

[Vaya]

Do you ever reach a point, maybe it has to be bottom, but a point where you are ready to stay committed to sobriety?

When I see beauty unfold in my life that was otherwise incapable of blooming when I was tormenting my body, mind and spirit in the earnest pursuit of an illusory chemical nirvana.

 

[endlessnameless]

Theres not a day that goes by that I dont feel good for deciding to go into recovery/recovering. If I hadn't made that choice I'd be still spending 90% (if not 100% if and when I could) of my income on smack and then when that's spent, selling off my most sentimental and/or valuable possessions online, borrowing and/or stealing €10-20 here and there and feeling like an utter fuck up for having to do it, especially since towards the end I wasnt even enjoying the drug - I just had to do it so that I wouldnt lapse into obvious withdrawals which would have incidentally aroused the suspicions of my utterly oblivious family.

Bafflingly, I somehow managed to get through my four year heroin addiction and subsequently onto a methadone program without my family becoming any the wiser what-so-ever. I know this for a fact, as my mother works in a methadone clinic herself so if she had even the slightest suspicion at any point it would certainly have been mentioned.

Its all for the better they never found out, especially in the case of my mother as she worries about me enough as it is what with my major depressive disorder (which urged me towards opiates to begin with). Our relationship just never would have been the same again; she'd never look at me in the same way for the rest of her life after having witheld something of such magnitude for such a long period of time. Thank fuck I managed that.

 

[neversickanymore]

To me recovery has little to do with drug use.. has to do with the inherent problems associated with the abuse of drugs.. aka using drugs as a solution.. our brains catalog solutions with a release of dopamine, by using drugs to circumvent problems we have logged in a potentially deadly solution, due to tolerance, to a bunch of "mental" or thought based issues that needed to be addressed.. revisit the issues falsly logged as solved and you will have happiness... Never in my whole life been wiser or happier.. all the time.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Yes, it feels good to get off of the drugs and return to normality. You just have to embrace how you feel on the inside, and if you're depressed (specifically if you were before you started using), address these issues with a doctor/therapist.

 

[fabriclondon]

When I see beauty unfold in my life that was otherwise incapable of blooming when I was tormenting my body, mind and spirit in the earnest pursuit of an illusory chemical nirvana.

Man that quote really hit me hard because I realized I haven't felt that in YEARS : (

 

[Vaya]

Man that quote really hit me hard because I realized I haven't felt that in YEARS : (

But you can, fabriclondon Emotions that our addictions robbed from us so very long ago still persist within us. Taking the necessary steps to remove the clutter and debris that chemical dependence buries us under inevitably reveals that which has always been. us. Remove the fish bowl and your self-image is naturally restored. Wouldn't you agree?